postcards in! and they look great.

I had so much fun mixing them all up just now. Reminded me so much of playing with my whacky-pack cards years ago, with Sue and Cathi Harper. Flipping / and trading, trying to get that coveted fruit of the tomb card. And it also reminds me of Sue's stash, held tight with a rubber band. The smell of her cedar chest, and fur pieces. It brought up so many sweet memories.

ANYWAY- I'm super happy with the cards, and want to just keep making more and more and more. I love the idea of them all mixed together. That's me- I'm a salad. All sorts of different flavors and textures and pieces. I really love that idea, and plan to stick with it.

I'm having (is that all there is?) feelings about my artomatic set-up. Like "where's the beef?" Maybe I didn't go far enough. Maybe it's all too one note. I don't know. Im afraid it's too much of a snack, and I'm feeling more inclined to serve a meal. (so many food metaphors!)

I'm sort of crazed about taking more pictures. I want more. More. I have only scratched the surface.

dear dave,

feel super saturated with sleepyness.

Finished up artomatic yesterday - a marathon of screwing, pasting, driving, fretting, and fighting. Conflict added a really sour note to all the excitement I felt.

When I figured out what to do with the grey board, I felt golden. Everything came together after that. I have a few loose ends to wrap up before Friday, but those should be no big deal.

Worried about branddave.com. All my traffic seems to have dried up, and I'm not sure why. I guess I need to constantly push, but I don't know how. Hopefully I can figure this out.

I'm just tired, but I need to push on. It's all good.

Dear Dave,

Im really excited about setting up an ongoing relationship with Dave K. Every time I see him, I see something different, and inspiring. I'm not sure I've captured it yet, but there is something interesting there I'm looking for. Really excited to have the chance to work with him, and be creative. This is fantastic, and an important milestone for branddave.

dear dave,

working today, on artomatic. There is still a lot I would like to do.

Found a terrific piece of painted plywood last night, while on my elevator dude shift. Brought it back upstairs, and fell in love with it. But of course it changed the dimensions of my booth, and that means changing a lot of the layout. I was unsettled with it anyway. Wishing it was just a little but wider, but oh well.

Did a crazy thing, which I can't write about, but really interested to see how it plays out!

Felt like a small drop in a big sea when I surveyed the show. Wow, there is TONS. How do you stand out?

Lots of little (fun) details to hammer out. Wish it wasn't in middle of the holiday, but oh well.

Ordered postcards today. Funny, because I am just going ahead, without considering my content. I wonder if it will be shocking or ho hum. probably somewhere in the middle.

content

words, words, words

Uggg - website and blog traffic WAY down. MUST refresh, and push. It needs to be a constant motion. Im overwhelmed.

dear dave,

I was worn out before I got here! Warm day, and I took the metro. I was so engrossed writing an email that I missed my stop by 2 stations! What a dork.

Happy its Friday. "Posters" are done. I'm sort of scared to see them. I feel like I have to pick them up today, but Im on METRO. Uggg.

Need to work on Gary T's and assorted projects. Exciting and fun.

Off to ROCKVILLE

dear dave,

I'm tired from the inside.

Finally got all my photos together. Yesterday was a marathon in shooting and editing. I think I'm still washed out from it.
This morning I was feeling a bit clearer, and managed to narrow down my final 12 to show. I'm super happy with them. hopefully they print well, but I actually liked how they came out of my shi%%y printer, so they can only get better from there.

My office is still all 6's and 7's, and my head sort of hurts, and now my eye is starting to be twitchy. Plus its warm in here.

Beck is loud in the background, and Remi is sprawled out on the floor.

Things are messy, I'm messy, but feeling accomplished.

Dave K is a star! I love shooting him.

dear dave,

what a blast I had last night. A major turning point, and something that I have been building up to. There were ins and outs, but overall, I LOVED it. Like jumping out of a plane. I want to do it again and again and again, and some more after that.

Editing the photos today is FUN. All needs to be done in time for artomatic. I think I can make it.

So many things going on in my head, but unsure how to write them all down. I really feel like I have found a super creative part of myself that I have been looking for. Or afraid to show. Its all so wrapped up in my identity. My inner feelings and desires. And fear and shame. Coming out was always only one piece of the puzzle. Showing all my cards has never been as easy. But I'm working on it, and loving it. I love expression myself. My gay self. My magnetic attraction to men. And bodies, and images, and sexuality. I'm finding my way, and I feel really happy and fulfilled.

I am Dave.

dear dave,

big day today. I'm having a hard time focusing on what I am supposed to do, because I am anxious about later. All the little things I need to be concerned about.

Great morning shooting Thomas. I'm really happy with the outcome - hope he is too!

Artomatic catalog up, which I worked on yesterday. Took some fun pictures of my prints, and uploaded. I feel more prepared this year. Still have some stuff to do, but HOPEFULLY, things will work according to plan.

I'm so cold! I'm shivering right now. I think it's nerves.

I love when guys do this...

dear dave,

I took this picture of remi last night, after her bath. She was all fluffy and soft. She is my baby.

Happy with my work at artomatic saturday. Think it went well. hoping for the best with my "new" neighbor. Cannot believe this has happened to me again, but my fingers are crossed that it wont be a big deal.

Watched a bunch of 48 hr movies from last year. The best of compilation DVD. Some were great, but nothing really blew me away. I considered trying again for the Baltimore weekend, but I think my money is probably better spent on other things.

Trying to pull together my photo project. Unsure how to print them. I REALLY want them to look like magazine pull outs, but that doesnt seem to be working out, and is probably a bad idea anyway. How to print them? Im sort of stumped, and running out of time to figure it out.

Everything else seems to be coming together. Lots of things to do. I better get to it.

dear dave,
at artomatic, waiting to get in to start setting up my lights. should be pretty easy.

another busy day.

ok-I'm going in now--I'm anxious.

Sean&Seng

I love this photo - found here

dear dave,

yesterday things came together for my photo shoot next week, which I'm really excited about. Nervous but excited. If all goes well, my artomatic space is going to ROCK.

My other photo shoots fizzled, which is really crazy. I have not had much luck lately pulling them off. I guess it's all happened for a reason.

In the afternoon, hexy and I bought and planted annuals for my mothers front yard. It was really nice to dig and plant. Hopeful. But I feel so much stress when I am there. I see so many things I want to help them with, and do for them. I get so worried. I could just feel all this anxiety well up in me. I need to deal with that.

Feel good that its Friday - but I have a lot on my plate. I keep looking for my path. Sometimes I get so worried that I am WAY off the mark. I really don't know where I'm going. That was fine a few months ago. Lately, I've been just plain scared.

dear dave,

productive day yesterday at the studio. Lucky to all of a sudden have this time to print. I didnt expect it, so I had to scramble to get stuff together. In the end, things worked out. Now I'm working on my counterpoint (photos!). Hopefully this will come together too.

Artomatic coming up fast. days just go by.

Shooting some pictures today.
Returning sucky shirts
ordering more shirts
planning more postcards
getting artwork up on artomatic site
dropping movie off at artomatic
planning lights
getting table
drawing

go

good day at the corcoran, My hands are full of ink. Here are some pics of the place. The ink station, my taped up screen, and the screen rack.

The weather outside is A+. That and my long day printing are adding up to an early nite. But I have more I want to do.

dear dave,

I have felt so much stress lately. I'm not sure where its all coming from, but it doesn't feel good.

I feel overwhelmed by making decisions - about how to spend my time and money. I continue to avoid things. Be late. Cancel. Return. Paint over. Redo.

I don't know why I am so off balance. I want to find my way back. things really will be ok. Nothing is that big of deal. Where did I go wrong. SEE - that's the problem. I'm so down on things I have been deciding, that I am so scared to make other decisions. It's a vicious cycle.

Buy / return. print, frame, not sell. Wash and ruin. stack up and loose. waste. run the clock. avoid. Push away. cancel again. Rework. Re decide. waste more. waste more. and more.

Where is the NEW going to come from? Eventually I am going to run out. I'm terrified about that.

Its already 12;09. I'm not at the corcoron. Time is running out. I feel frustrated with myself.

Let it go. let it be.

poppa

At the corcoran today, trying to crank out some work for artomatic. Discovered late last night that the studio would be open today, and tomorrow, so Im on a mad tear to get some things done. Worried about $, and the most economical artwork is artwork I make myself.

Constantly worried about over spending on everything. It has become an obsession. And printing and framing doesn't come cheap.

Glad to have the studio open, but it means switching gears again. My plan keep changing. I love sticking to a plan. Lately, that has NOT been the case.

Im not sure what is going on with my creative bones. It really is a mood, a feeling. Nothing has changed from before, just my insides. They way I view things. When I feel creative, EVERYTHING I see excites me. It stirs me up. When Im not feeling this way, anxiety just replaces it. I worry that I won't find it again. I worry about never liking what Im doing. I worry!!

I think my screens are dry, so I will get back to it. Making simple things. its all I have time for.

dear dave,

late post today. Not much new. Thinking about artomatic, and having trouble coming up with a scheme (very much like last week with the movie). But I need to be SMARTER about my branding. Show something that is representative of the kind of work I plan to do - for shirts, books, etc. Lots to think about.

Its sooooo humid. Im home now. calling it a day.

friend of the Week (8)

This week Bill makes the cut, because he and Lee slogged thru the rain all the way to the AFI, to see my movie. THANKS BILL! And sorry the screening was so messed up.

(I love this photo, although his hand looks HUGE. Bill is the one in the glasses)

dear dave,

Last night went well. I'm relieved to have it over now, because it's stressful not knowing who will be there, how the movie will look, what the reaction will be. I think it went well. I tried my best (sort of). There is always room for improvement.

The screening itself was a disaster, because the sound cut out on the movie before mine, was fixed, then broke down permanently on the movie after. Thank God mine was shown correctly. I would have been pissed. It destroyed the mojo in the crowd for sure. Many movies didn't get shown at all. SUCKS!

We had a quick question and answer session, and I think I did pretty well. Its a striking contrast to have a one man team, and my "movie" stood out. I liked that part.

Analya gave me great feedback this morning. She thought that seeing a movie in a theater sort of demands a story. People expect that. And I really agree. I think I'm ready for that step. But it is a step. Writing dialog, and working with actors. There is nothing stopping me from doing it on my own, so I will try.

ps - Passed out lots of postcards before the screening. Good reaction. People sometimes don't know what to make of me, or my work. That embarrasses me.

dear dave,

obstacles obstacles.

I'm not sure why I'm not drawing much lately, but I think it's a problem. Printing too.

I'm still very scattered. Sending back most of the shirts, because they were way too "destroyed". Need to find something with a little more structure. Bags too. yuck. Pictures lie.

The sun has come out, which is a great thing. Shooting later today, and tomorrow too. Film premier is tonight also. I'm nervous about that.

Hmmmm

dear dave,

thinking about artomatic, and trying to come up with a scheme.

My latest idea is to do more with box frames. 56 of them to be exact. I think this could have a great visual punch, and let me be very versatile. And if I do sell any, they are all good to go, and done (and I can sell for cheap). Seems like a good plan all around, but for some reason I hesitate.

I hesitate about everything lately. Wish I could push forward. Hard.

I love these pictures

feeling green & tired

Friday, before my big 48 hr movie making marathon, Kim and I helped make cement balls to restore the oysters in the bay. Here are pictures: the balls, kim, and me in the bathroom -- I liked the light, and my vest, so i decided to take a self portrait.

dear dave,

Weekend of shooting was fun and frustrating. It was hard for me to find my groove. The lightening wasn't striking.

I started with the sound, which is most fun. I really love garageband. Tinkering. tweaking. I figured I could shoot around the sound. That I would come up with something Saturday.

Saturday quickly came, but not the great idea. I kept working, getting bits and pieces together, finally coming up with a general scheme that I was happy with. Left saturday night feeling pretty good, but needed more footage.

Sunday morning I got up early to shoot in the woods, but had a flat, and things quickly spiraled into chaos. Found my way to my location, via taxi, and shot in the rain, with no coat, and walked back to the studio (most the way), and finished up the movie with what I had.

I had lots of great things, but had a hard time piecing them together into something that made sense. I'm such a collage person--I love mixing things up-but that didn't seem to work here.

Anyway, I got the film in, THEN had all the fresh ideas. Isn't that the way it always works? The floodgates opened. Oh well.

dear dave,

scattered again. worked all weekend on the movie, and its time to work on artomatic, but I cant pull things together. Im feeling stuck.

Hopefully the giclee prints turn out, otherwise I feel really stuck.

The print studio is closing, the time is running out, I don't have my art pulled together, the wood needs to be cut and painted, and there is a nail in my tire, preventing me from using my car. My beloved car.

Its raining outside, models are expected this week, my t-shirts blanks have not arrived, and I don't know what to shoot.

Ahhhhhhhhhh.

Mondays are always crazy.

1. joined twitter (@branddave)

2. Spent morning with kim making reef balls on the eastern shore. It was nice spending time with Kim. The balls quickly turned into a drag. But it was nice being with Kim! Turns out she wasnt so good at tightening them before the cement was poured into them, but I was really good at packing the sand barriers at the bottom.

3. Its less then an hour until I start the my 2009 48HR film project. EXCITING - but I'm tired from getting up so early this morning!

4. Chicken with the girls was fun. Go ERIN! Turns out 1/2 chicken white may be too much to eat in one sitting.

5. Don't wash white shirts with color shirts. Hoping to sell a few today at the show. My blank shipment comes in MONDAY!

6. Have a lot of great guys lined up next week to photograph. Exciting!