dear dave,

its hoooooot - and I love it (for some reason).  All these memories of past summers are flooding my consciousness the past few days.  Summer 2011 is here, and I feel excited about it. (More about all that later)

Today feels like Monday, but it's not.  Memorial Day was yesterday, but Hex and I treated it like any other day, we both worked.  Him more then me, but I was at the studio, getting things done -- in between slacking off on the web.

It was a good weekend.  Highlight (work wise) was shooting with Dave K again.  Pics didn't add up to all that I hoped for, but it was really fun to catch up and shoot again.  He is such a muse figure to me.  I'm very inspired by him.

I feel more calm and content lately.  Things have been going in a good direction.  Selling shirts and prints.  Drawing.  Working with quality people.  All great things.  Tom Goss, Trohv, Sarah, Renato, Peter, Dave, Amy, Joe.  All really awesome.  Nice to recognize that, and feel it!

I'm anxious about drawing.  I've been putting it off, and it's clawing at me.  So rather then continue on with trying to ignore it, I'm going to do it for a bit before I leave for the day.

Over and out.

you wear it well

Sitting on m & v's couch, hex cleaning upstairs. A moment!!

Fun things ahead. Good week behind. Feel content!

So nice to hang out with hex, enjoy eastern market, and feel relaxed about things.

Summer is ahead. I'm excited to succeed, and flourish.

BBQ tonight. Maybe a movie. Ahhh

dear dave,

mixed week. I'd love to feel accomplished, but I feel kind of blah. although things are really good. go figure.

Summer feels like it's officially started.

My window air conditioner is installed at my studio, and my blinds are drawn. I kind of feel cut-off when it's set up like this. Door closed too.

People have left the city for better places to be. I kind of feel left behind, while still content to be home with Hexy. I remember trekking to Rehobeth years ago, by myself with Remi. Staying in the strange group house. The dog at the bottom of the stairs that would attack Remi. The empty pool area. Hiding out in my room. Searching for poodle beach. Being alone! I felt so awkward and out of place. Such an outsider. So happy those days are OVER!

Shot with Geran was really fun yesterday. My photographic confidence is waning though. I don't feel so inspired anymore. Or I don't have the skills to do what I want. Or the right model. Or the right shirt. I don't know. After shooting this week I feel unsettled. But Geran was awesome, and I really want to work with him again.

I loved spending time with Renato. He is an all around awesome guy. So positive and fun and cool. Reminds me of my best camp counselors, or Ron from Italy. I didn't put enough effort into our shoot though, so I didn't get much out of it. Wah wah. I feel like there are these awesome possibilities with him, but I don't push myself enough. Im too shy. Or too willing to just be passive.

I think thats what is bugging me with these shoots and models and me (lately). I have ideas, inspirations, but when it comes time to follow through, I clam up, and let things go. I fall into my default positions. I don't push myself. And I don't give much direction. I don't know! I'm rambling.

Then I tell myself: what is this all for anyway? And I think: just shoot the shirts, and be done with it. Work on shirts / prints. Things I can sell. Don't go off in some artistic tangent that will just sit parked on your website in some corner, then removed months later.

Oh the angst!1 The artistic angst!!

I need to eat lunch, and move on!


------

UPDATE

wow - things really turned around today, unexpectedly. I have Dave K setup for Sunday, Eric on Thursday. Had a wonderful studio visit from Marta, got a terrific report from Caramel, and a bunch of new shirt orders. FABU!

Shot a lot today. Mixed feelings. GREAT to see Peter and Renato again. Both awesome guys.

Will write more tomorrow. Have a lot of web work to do. EVERYTHING needs updating.

Sigh


photo: new honey badger t! link to order: http://www.branddave.com/freehand/buy_honey_badger_t.html

dear dave,

once again slacking on the blog!

I was busy this weekend with the MCA Open Studios.  all went great.  Health wise it was a bit of a struggle Saturday.  This cold won't let go, so my energy level was waning, but blah blah blah about all that.

So much fun to meet new people, and have their attention.  We are always in the dark about how people actually feel about our work until events like these, when feedback is suddenly abundant.  All was positive, and gives me great fuel to continue on.  People really respond to my work.

Really excited to be shooting again this week with Peter and Renato, and a new model Thursday.  Hope the weather holds.  But I'm determined to work in the rain if it comes to that!

New shirts!  New Directions!  Old Allies!  Worn paths!  All fun to look forward to.  Corcoran opens the following week.

Let the summer begin!

cheers

dear Dave,

Busy hanging the great wall of prints for open studio.  This time around I went for broke, and hung as much as the wall could bear.  Looks good.

Other then that, pretty blah.  My creativity has escaped me the past few days.  That cold really did me in.  Like a huge u-turn.  I was doing much better before.

Of course I have tons to do.  Just no fuel.  Blah!

Feeling better.

whatever happens, don't let go of my hand.

dear dave,

trying to make a week I'm proud of.  MCA open studios are this weekend, so first priority is preparing the studio.

Mixed bag weekend.  Continue to feel sick-ish on and off, which makes everything drag and suck.  I went out to Rockville Saturday after Rock Creek with Remi, and planted all my parents front beds.  I was happy to get it accomplished before the rain, and without Hex's help.  It was nice to be there, but I always have a hangover later.  So much anxiety...

Spent a chunk of Sunday with Hex's family, celebrating the 97th birthday of his grandmother.  Shock of white hair, buffet, sweet pizza, giant birthday card, soft coffee ice cream, family photos, and Home Depot.  Just a random stream of memories about it all...

-----

I feel bogged down in the past lately.  This overwhelming sense of nostalgia, regret and loss.  Instead of seeing it as all positive, I'm stuck on the what was, and the waste, and the sadness over change.  I can't accept that things are changing, breaking down.  Or I'm obsessed with re-living it.  Re feeling it.

I feel sad about it.  Disconnected.  It's weighing on me.

scenes from the weekend

spotted: the branddave-iest gate I've ever seen

dear dave,

on again and off again.  What more can I say?
My batteries run out so quickly.

Pretty uneventful day, which is regrettable.
something has to change

Dear Dave-

Woke up with the cold that's been brewing for days now. Yesterday I managed to work and be productive, but today was a totally different story. I kept planning to leave home- at 10, at 1, at 4, at 6. Obviously I just couldn't, because I never managed to get past the thought.

Anyway-all on hold. New shirts. Photoshoots planned. Finishing up prints, working on site, and many other things.

Anxious to finally feel better (after a solid week of issues). Hopefully the road to recovery will be a short one!!

Fingers tightly crossed. Drinking tons.

my studio is a mess!

dear dave,

back at the studio (slow start).  Finished up some things today, but not really in gear yet after all these back issues.

Weekend was really nice, but I kept feeling like my whole body was coming off a Novocain dose.  I stopped taking meds Saturday, but the feeling persists.

(stupid Dave pretended like I had no back issues in the meantime, jumping on trampolines, moving heavy boards, and the like...)

I'm anxious to get beyond all this, but I think it may be slower then hoped for.  Sitting at my studio desk all day has left my lower back tired and achy.  Blah!

----------------

ANYWAY - suddenly it's summer!  Warm and sunny and t-shirty.  I need to get my ass in gear!!

Excited about the summer, and what's to come.

Laying on the couch-finished!! I managed to slip the 2 last prints in afterall! Really happy about that.

Corcoran closed till late may. Time to focus on tees!

Dear Dave,

Taking a break between printing--waiting to go back tonight for a very ambitious set if new prints.

Reminds me of bsur-trying to get tasty to print those last samples before the show. Usually it worked out, so it was always worth a try. But it sure saps the energy. All my focus is mow in this.

Managed to finish flamingos this morning! Relief! Almost done with in for the evening reprint (tonight) then on to 2 news. That's a packed schedule!!

Weird time for relationships lately. The meds make me fuzzy, but it's not just that. I feel slightly at odds with many people. Weird energy. Hopefully I can resolve soon. I want to feel clear.

Sitting on couch, feet up. I want to stay here! But I must go back to corcoran!! Off to fight the traffic. Ugh.

dear dave,

today was a very mixed bag.

feeling better, so I went to work.  then went home to rest.  Now I'm back at Corcoran for a late session.

I love it here.  quiet and peaceful. NOBODY is here.  Makes sense, its Thursday night.

I'm focused on finishing these last 2 prints.  It's always down to the wire.

I have tomorrow night and Saturday, which should be plenty of time.  But I was hoping to do more.  That is always the case....

Meds make me foggy.  Relaxed and hazed.  I'm looking forward to being over this whole back mess.  I want my health back!

Dear Dave,

The anxiety I was feeling a few days ago blossomed into crippling back spasms. While asleep, I somehow twisted my back, and woke up yesterday to terrible pain. It hurt to get up, use my arms, even walk. Bolts of pain spread out of this little knot, right between my shoulderblades.

I rallied for a few hours, after sleeping more, and went to work. After a few really productive hours, I came home to rest, knowing I would have to fill in for hex later that night, cleaning the huge Dr office myself.

Things went south. The pain came back full force, so everything had to be cancelled. Hex made flights to return from LA 3 days early.

Dr called in meds, and I made my way to cvs in extreme pain. My body would seize, then relax. Like intermittent lightening bolts.

I waited in cvs, and couldn't even reach over to the magazine on the chair next to me.

----
Meds and rest have made a huge difference. Resting today, and feeling much better.

Only few more days of corcoran print time. I HAVE to finish my projects! Think I'll be able to.

Hex arrives back in a few hours. He is going directly to work at the Dr. Office, work I couldn't do fir him last night.

E (Christine) tells me Rich (her husband) recently confessed to her: "I have a problem. I want to wear my Otter Indifferent shirt every day."


Love it!  You go Rich!

dear dave,

I have never made peace with f-ing Blogger!  Bugger!  It used to be so easy to load photos, make them fill the space, and format text underneath and over.  That is virtually impossible now, unless you know HTML.  I spend so much time trying to get it right.  But it's all a waste, because it never turns out well anyway.

BLAH!!!!

I'm at the corcoran late on a sunday, working on flamingo piece.  Hex is away, so it's a good time to work.

Past few days have been rough!  I've felt so isolated and lonesome without my hex.  And super anxious.  I really hate that the most.  That internal feeling of doom and despair.  It's so debilitating.  All I want is nothing.  All I feel is uptight.  Nothing can satisfy me.

If I focus on it I'll get so stuck.  So I'm working, taking care of remi, and watching tv.  Most importantly:  working.

Next few days are critical!

im seeing a lot on homotography that I want

Bruno Staub photographed Leebo Freeman and Simon Van Meervenne for the latest issue of Hercules magazine. The story 'Never Let a Day Go By' is styled by Laura Alcalde.