Wish I could say all was fine-and-dandy, but my funk continues,,,

Bright spot was going to Wharf and checking in.  Always good to have a positive experience, and sets me on a course.

Struggling to get through tasks though, and completing things.  All muddled and mushy.  Large print done, now just the hardest past, delivery.  I just keep fumbling along on this one.  It will be a tremendous relief to be finished with it for good!

Finished up tees for pixie, and Father's Day designs last night.  All delayed.  U G H

Tomorrow > Cher. 

 

 Countdown started for Hex's trip to LA, leaves on Saturday.

 

Tuesday back at the studio after taking Monday off.  Actually managed to get Echo to Great Falls, which was a huge feat!  Finally made the (right)decision to split them up and switch off weeks.  

Echo was a delight, very easy to manage.  Although I had a chilling time by the water -- saw the Danger sign (focused on it to snap PELIGRO photo for Cord), and saw the current was bad.  

Anyway, we got down to the kayak launch area and I didn't think to let Echo off leash.  She got in the water and paddled feverishly, which made me think if I let her go she would just naturally swim out, and possibly be taken down river quickly by the current.  And of course I wouldn't be able to go after her.

 All scares me thinking about it.  So glad I did what I did!!!

Anyway, more work on large print but slow progress.  Have just enough "rail" wood to complete it, after using a big chunk for last minute SM prints delivered Friday.  So glad that worked out!!

Spent a chunk of time reading old journals over the weekend, and puts all my troubles in perspective - meaning they have ALWAYS been there, and perhaps will always be.  Found a pretty blank one and was excited to write in it again, but that's a lot of recording of basically the same day-to-day material, so I bet that won't happen.  I've also been writing a ton in my ongoing NOTES app on the phone.

Hex working a ton, he packed his schedule this week.  Poor guy. 

 

 That uncomfortable no man's land of a holiday weekend with no plans.  Nice to have the time off, but the anxiety of how to fill the time is crushing.

Blick sale great, but bummed the larger size paper out of stock.  Solo coffee while hexy with Daniel.

 

sleepy at the studio, but at least I got here.

 

> home

 

 

 

Ugh, lots of blah emotions heading out of this day / week / month. Always always questioning my decisions about how I use my time, and how I didn't.  It's always regret and self-frustration.

 

Yesterday finished printing the large piece and it came out really well, but the next step is full of tension as I figure out how to frame the back without making it 1,000 lbs, and how to "deliver" it easily.  It was Thursday, I had the weekend to put it all off, so I changed course and went to printing some things for g-town.  It's been so long since I dropped them wood prints.

 

So I set on a course of cleaning screens, preparing screens and boards, and finished them up today, and actually got them delivered.  Happy with what I did - stayed focused, and it was a manageable schedule, but then here I am now with other stuff left undone, and I feel bad / frustrated about it.

Anyway, it's 8:30 Friday pm so time to let go and go home.  Tomorrow and next week can be when I figure this all out.  I always put things off.

 

: /

 

Massage yesterday was nice - set me on a better mental course.

 

Worked today on large print and made progress.  Made identical screens, so printing would work out, and it worked.  Laid out the boards on the back rails, and liked the way it looked with them slightly set off from the edge of the boards, like a step-down.  Think I'll try that when it comes time.  Seems really big, hope it works well in the space.  To be continued.

 

Something eating tomato seedlings.  Such a mystery - from 6 to 8 to now ten plants ruined.  WEIRD!!  Whatever it is, it's invisible.

Also, bad news, my acorn tree took a sudden turn south.  I thought it was looking bad and made the clearly wrong decision to put it outside in suddenly unseasonable weather.  Now the leaves are shrunken and drooped.  Not good.  Sorry ACORN!!

 

 

 Classic day - in late because of street cleaning parking - more coats of paint on the boards, and drawing Millie tattoo.  No progress on drawing, but sometimes it just takes long.

Massage at 5:30, so everything was geared towards that.  Really nice ... but after going to him a bunch of times, I can tell the difference between an ok massage and a great one.  I'm sure he has his days!  Anyway, it was therapy, and hopefully will unlock some creative, physical, and emotional barriers.  I need that!

 Emma had a mini episode, but it was manageable.  Good.

Checked out info on wall - mountables, and it's crazy how cumbersome and circuitous the info is!  So hard to get to the bottom line, how much does it cost??  They combine it with membership packages and it becomes so hard to figure out.  ANYWAY, all the good hanging locations were taken, and it really is a dud for me every year.  A DUD!  So makes sense to skip it.

Friday was a cher day.  Back to the studio to take care of the ladies (Emma & Echo (dogs)) and conked out afterward.  All that computer time drains me!

Saturday / Sunday spent away from studio.  Fun with hex and relax.

 

Today it was back to work on Joe project.  Made it to Home Depot and flubbed on a big piece of wood that I had cut.  After it was cut I realized it had bubbles on the surface, and that just wouldn't be good, so plan B became 3 individual boards.  And I just left the cut wood behind - ugh.

Got a break on the price because the SKU bars were torn, and while trying to ring it up, the cashier only charged me for one.  Score.  (I didn't notice until after all was said and done, and was happy to take the win).

 

Drove back to the studio, and then back home to pick up ladies.  A big project complete.  Had some issues cutting one today, but all worked out.  They are painted once.

Very bogged down on other projects.  SM stuff always gets me stuck - cards are easy, but prints are so iffy.  Now I'm out of synch with making new stuff, and just want to coast.  But I can't.  Then my head explodes trying to sort it all out.

 

 Ugh days going in the wrong direction.

 

Today I finished my cardinal print and cleaned screens.  And prepared Father's Day Cards, and got pretzels.  And took a micro nap, and deposited Hex's check on 14th and U.  And tried to draw a bit.  Zero inspo so I landed on dog a day # 1.

 

Hex got chicken.  I'm going home.

 

Such a bad day with feeling super negative.  Good news on project, then bad news about AOA.  WTF.  Feel like a loser.  Still a chance it will turn around, but seriously?  Was a punch to the gut, and threw me off all day.  Plus, it's Wednesday, and I felt zero zip in my step.

Finished Goldfish being dramatic print, and got sign out the door finally!  What an accomplishment!!  News from SM that I need to pick up large prints.  Another bummer.  Then IG story from Hubbs about SM, but really?  Does that matter?

 

Sour Dave

 Ugh, today was a rough day work-wise.  Classic Monday where I had a hard time getting into gear, and got minimal accomplished.

Worked on designs for - - - and made a teeny tiny amount of progress.  Worked on breezeway sign and had a heart attack when a screw would neither go in nor out.  Google told me to use a rubber band to get some grip on the screw head, and by golly that worked!  Thanks google!

It's 99% done!  What a project.  So much put into it, that's for sure!  Hope it works out for her when she hangs it.

Bubble weekend with hex and the ladies, coffee, walks, tv and eating.  Nice.  Sad not to be celebrating Mother's Day anymore : (

 

 My brain is tired after a full day at Cher's color correcting 1500 photos.  Terrible early rainy morning, up early with hex then back to sleep for a few hours.  Getting up the second time was ROUGH.  Somehow I managed and got to Cher's late, of course.

 Back at the studio, walked the ladies and now catching up on internet, as if I was gone for 10,000 years, and didn't already check in multiple times at Cher's.  The addiction runs deep.

Set up a few things that I could be printing, but it's 7:23pm friday, do I really want to start doing that now?  Not really.  Gym is on pause for a few months, otherwise I'd be enjoying a steam.

Made (mental) plans to go to Hyattsville tomorrow for open studios, but already mentally backing out as I think about it.  Classic. 

Got the 3 micro prints out yesterday.  That's something.

 

 So so day.  Late in the day now and I just want to go home, but It's too early and I feel guilty.  I took a nap on the floor. I didn't make much difference in my mood / motivation.  Although I am writing on the blog so that's something.

Sunny morning and I immediately wanted to schedule a massage.  How the two things are connected I don't know, but it's like sushi, once it's hit my mind, it's imperative.  But alas, it wasn't a good idea after all so I will just have to put it off for another time.

Got to work on the sign framing, and all worked out "ok".  The wood that I found next door needed to be separated and unscrewed, which all worked out well.  I had just enough, so was careful.  Made a quick trip to hardware store and bought washers, which I didn't need.  Trouble with connecting the side panels so I used glue as a solution.  Maybe not the best idea, still drying.  We'll see.

 Cut more wood for micros, and that was pretty much all I wanted to accomplish.  Ordered more stickers, and hope they come quickly.

 

 Progress drawing today - slow, but what I did I like.  Freaked out a bit early on, then things clicked and worked out.  The MAJOR project I have yet to work on.  Listing things out has helped me focus, but things still get skipped.

 

Planned to go to Home Depot to get wood for the sign, but hesitated and that worked in my favor.  Realized it was probably smarter to work with what I could get at the hardware store, THEN spotted wood that may work downstairs (in the rat infested patio below).  Still need to confirm it will work, but I think it will.  SO ---- glad I didn't go to Home Depot!

 

 

 

Back to work this morning after a really super lazy weekend spent napping, watching degenerate youtube police videos, walking dogs around the block, and eating.  Managed to get to Buzz to drop Mother's Day cards, but that was the most and only productive thing I did.

Back to studio today and hex was around a lot -- filling the flower boxes for the season, so I was very distracted.  Plus it's Monday.  Back to my list of to-dos which helps me focus.  Lots of drawing / commissions to do, which is great.  

 Listening to Sting/The Dream of the Blue Turtles, and I'm immediately back in my bedroom, 7104 Old Gate Road, with record player.  Music is SO nostalgic.  Everything is nostalgic!

The coffee shop with Michael, Java House with clif , great Falls with Remi / Butter.  BlackHills with Sue.  Food, clothes, music, places, objects, haircuts, porn - it all brings be back to a specific time and place, pre hex, pre branddave, where (I guess) I long to be.  To relive.  To redo.  To wallow in the memories and happiness of what was, with people that I just miss so much.

 - - - - -

Back to May 2, 2025  - rushed around to shopmades to drop mother's day cards that I was late in designing/printing.  In the end, all will work out, but I just can't seem to get these deadlines worked out.  Worried that my dog card is "off", gross (?) and not something that will inspire people to give.  We'll see.  I think the cat is funny, and the cake one too.  

Riding the metro out, I was feeling so despondent, just this down blah feeling of obligation and self-frustration.  Struggling so much with feeling tired, unmotivated, uncreative, and L A Z Y.  All has translated to Branddave of course.  I took the advice (via YouTube) to heart -- it's all about M O M E N T U  M.  Getting moving towards something, anything, really.  Ugh, it just swirls around in my head but doesn't get put into action.

 

ANYWAY - glad it's weekend.  Catch up on things, and relax my heart.  Forgive myself, and move on.