Monday, December 31, 2018

2018 year in pictures

2017 year in pics

crazy dinner party with cord and eddie

Commission for Barry (wilson)

mini prints for Trohv

the mighty dc flag tee

printed not transfered!

dog days with Mer and Toby.  last days at that building

T O T E S !

Summer coolin at 17th St. dog park

buttons!  1st collection

mid term blue wave thank god

printed for Arts on Ave

pool fun with Emma

Christmas 2018. May they stay healthy!!!!

2018 Wrap up

 2018 was a messy bad year.  No way to look back at it and be happy.  Business didn't go that great, and I lost my way.  Not feeling creative, and lost in direction.  Lost interest in the blog, and am so unsure how to revive it. 

Fun trip in June to celebrate Cord's bday was overshadowed by Sue's death just afterward, and from there things just got stuck in grief and sadness.  The long wait for her service, and then going through her life and stuff, sorting it all out.  i still have a pile in the basement that is started but not finished.  It's comforting to leave it in a state of middle, but eventually I will have to finalize what to do with all that remains.

Sadness and upset with story district, but it got resolved, and I've moved on.  Selling stuff at the last few shows was fun, but December was off.  Then I just left.

My computer finally broke down, after 10 good years.  More like 8 good years, and 2 suffering with old software and a dread of change that I just wanted to avoid.  A "middle" imac we found in the trash room bridged the gap from old to new, let me see that a new computer doesn't mean the end of iweb, which I was fearing all along.  But losing illustrator REALLY SUCKS, and I'm going to have to switch out my website again, once and for all, and leave iweb behind.

CCNOW exploded in January, and somehow I was able to claw back most of my $$ by issuing refunds, and begging people for repayment.  Happy with big Cartel, but think I may need to make another change.

Added Totes in August, which is a great new front, and buttons (mixed)

I changed up a lot of the shirts too, which is for the better.  Printing more now, because darker shirts are just more cool. 

Nothing much new to say about prints.  They just are not in demand like they were.  I have to turn the tide somehow.  Success towards the end of the year, but I realize I will never sell them online like I need to.  They need to be seen more in person.

Cards have been fine, but need to keep up with new.  Had some fun valentines, and really happy with my holiday assortment.  A new wave to keep riding.

Hopefully 2019 will be a good year of new opportunity and most important, creativity.  Everything rides on my desire to be creative.

2017 Wrap up 

2016 Wrap up

2015 Wrap up

2014 Wrap up

2013 Wrap up

2012 Wrap up

2011 Wrap up

2010 Wrap up

2009 Wrap up

Wednesday, December 5, 2018

f-ing f-ing new printer runs out of ink so fast.

nt ahppy

Tuesday, December 4, 2018

Loving 21 pilots

waiting on Flynn

shippy day (which is nice)

working on drawings (commissions).  Think I have hte urban planner done!

Happy Bday to Hexy, my favorite!

Friday, November 30, 2018

Good day, but not as productive it all needs to be. 

Finished round of prints, went to Buzz, shopped a lot for little things, and took emma to park.  Fun party with Honey, and treats that emma LOVES.

Plus saw a bunch of my shoebox cards.  Which is always fun.

Thursday, November 29, 2018

More reprinting today - Tolerate, and ostriches.

For some bazaar reason I made tolerate screen backwards, so that set me back a little.
Strange holiday season, I'm not yet feeling the rush / push.  I guess it's me, because I have plenty to do,

Weird energy at dogpark.  A few dogs were stirring up a lot of trouble.  We left early

Wednesday, November 28, 2018

Lots of printing today, getting all caught up.

FREEZING outside!

off to gym

Tuesday, November 27, 2018

Time goes by!

Blog seems to be secondary or third or whatever.  Last on my list.

I guess I just think nobody reads it anymore, and why bother?  But it never was about other people - it was so I could record what was going on my my head, and what I was working on.

Anyway, maybe I'll get back to it.  I relaly hate letting it go, but cant seem to keep it updated.

Had a wonderful hike in Great Falls this morning with jeanette.  What a terrific new tradition.  always loved my hikes with (ugh, I'm totally blanking on her name!!!) and remi.  We would get up early and trek out there.  Once you are there, it's magical.  Nobody is around, and the air is quiet and peaceful.  Its such a nice place to be and regroup!  I love that jeanette is game to join me. 

Emma was nuts!  She gets so excited - it's an energy that is impossible to contain.  She just explodes with excitement when she gets there.  I tried to keep her leashed for awhile after her Thanksgiving runaway adventure, but it started to feel cruel for her and me and Jeanette.  She was good, and stuck with us.  But I can't take that for granted.  need to keep my eyes on her.

Happy to have dock illustration finished, and on to printing.  Last week in November, and there is a lull in new things coming in.  Of course I ordered double cards, which I can see now getting stuck with. 

Hoping for a great and busy next few weeks!

Friday, November 2, 2018

Accomplished a bit. 1,000,000,000,000,000 more things to do.

Monday, October 22, 2018

Getting used to computer.  Sure is nice to have software work without lagging.  Need to sign up for Adobe soon, time is ticking.  I hate their new system.  It's robbery.

Tried to print smaller tote, but didn't work out like I feared.  The bunchy sides get in the way of the press pressing.  Went on another hunt for 055, but its O - U - T.  Really sucks, but I need to move on.

Plants are starting to come into studio, so the space will feel more crowded.  Getting significantly colder out.

Took Emma to Great Falls saturday, and she did great with sticking by me.  I'm happy to build up confidence with her.  I feel like these things were more of a given with Remi.  Emma takes a little bit more effort.

Saw Isle of Dogs last night.  So creative.

Friday, October 19, 2018

Dear Dave,

A week later from imac meltdown, and I'm back up and running.  New 27" computer and new printer scanner, and "trial" run on ai.  Ugh, I'm going to have to rent it now.  What a racket.

Working on my scanning, tracing method.  Think I might have gotten 80% there today, but sad to see the old way go.  After 10 years I've gotten used to my lines looking a certain way.  No longer can enlarge and scan at the same time, so things are looking different.

Love the updated computer, and glad I went for the bigger screen.  Cancelled my order for small at the last minute after a trip to Best Buy to check them out.  Happy with the printer for now.

the biggest revelation: iweb works.  I cannot believe it.

Lots to do as always.  Get rid of old computer(s), printer, and resolve all sues stuff.  And keep preparing for holidays.  Behind as usual.

Thursday, October 11, 2018

iWeb acting really strange.  It won't let me change home page at all without screwing it all up.  Another step towards giving it up.  I am jumping thru ridiculous hoops to keep the old computer.  Iweb was the reason.  Now that isn't even working.

Annoyed with my phones thumbprint lock.  Takes 3-4 tries every time.  That's a lot annoying.

Updated instagram is a mystery.  There are 10,000 features all over the place.  It's a cluttered mess of options and stories.  I like my old version.

The 50 year old me.

Found ames tote blanks cheaper.  Excited about that...  Order 24 before jumping in.  Hoping the company is not a scam.

Don't ever know what happend to ccnow.  What a mess that was!

Wednesday, October 10, 2018

dear dave,

dinner cancelled with Cher and Barb tonight, so pizza with hex.

Liking my new phone.

Planning sidewalk sale this saturday, but there will be no totes.  Alpha all out, which sucks.  Was excited to make more after they sold out on Saturday.  A fun new thing.

Wish I could make new buttons, but they are just too expensive to justify.  We'll see.  Hopefully they have another big sale.

LOVE MY NEW SUNGLASSES!!!  The lenses make everything so beautiful.  I never want to take them off.

Trying to post using new iphone. Think it’s working. An app would be easier for sure.

Monday, October 8, 2018

New Iphone SE all loaded and activated.  Just a little getting used to.  Also noticed my website was all crazy on it.  After lots of tweaking, I think I fixed.  Guess it has been wrong for awhile.

Got long lost DMs from instagram that never showed up on my old phone.  Sad to have missed.  tech just keeps moving forward, and everyone assumes we are all moving at the same speed.  Hex and I finally catching up a little bit.

End of this week will be middle Oct!  crazy - time marches on.  As usual, I'm behind.

Sunday, October 7, 2018

Happy 50th birthday to me today.

Blessed to have my Hex & Emma, friends and family that suport me, and the freedom to do what I want everyday.

Hoping for a future that inspires through my work and life.

Wednesday, September 19, 2018

Happy that we are done with Emmas surgery and recovery!

Happy that we started garage!

Happy that the sun was out today after 365 days of darkness and rain!

Hate tr*mp!

Monday, August 27, 2018

hot hot hot, back to hot!

wilted in dog park.  Wish I had a pool to lay in like emma!

nice bday party for dad yesterday.  steak and pork and corn and fruit and coconut cake.

last week in august!

Think I finally got my Internet here fixed today.  Fingers crossed.  Finally he replaced the cord inside.  If I have trouble again, I'm going to cry.

Notable rapprochement with AS today.  Happy she came by, and we had a chance to talk.  Feels resolved.

Monday, August 20, 2018

Not such a great sale saturday.  People walking by, but not much mood to buy.  It's so strange when there is such a different vibe from week to week.  It's never a great feeling to be standing there, with your pants down, and people hardly looking.  At least that is what it feels like.

Anyway, happy with the totes, think they are a good new thing to sell.  We stayed for a couple hours, then went home and conked out.  Weekends have been weird.  all I want to do is nap and be lazy.

Back to studio today, trying to regroup for the 1,000 time, and find my way into the fall.

Never like this time of year.  The world stops while everybody is away.
dear bunny,

it's been days and weeks since you died, and I'm still unable to wrap my head around it.  I knew it was coming, or at least I dreaded it often, but I just blocked that out of head, much like I've tried to block this out.

How can you be gone --- really dead.  I can't stand to think about never hugging you again (softly like you taught me, so I don't crush your chest)  Or never smelling your hair again.  I always loved the smell of your shampoo.

I really think about this!  I even collected some of your clothes the night you died, just so I could keep smelling you.  But of course that is not the same.  it will never be the same.  Life will never be the same, without you.

Looking back on all our years together, I have big memory gaps.  I can't figure out why I wasn't there to help you move in poolsville last time, or when you moved out of John's rented house.  The only thing I can come up with is that I was protecting myself, because sometimes I just had to draw a line.  I was always so susceptible to being drawn into your sadness, wanting to make it my sadness as well.  I would do ANYTHING for you.  Anything.  I would happily sacrifice myself to make you happy.  Because it's easy for me to say that I always saw your sadness, and I always wanted to fix it, or help you, or support you.  But in the end I didn't know what more to do.  I knew that moving you out to Mom and dads was a last resort.  Life or death.  I'm so grateful to them for being there for you.  They made sure you stayed in school, got your degree, found a job, and stayed employed, and insured.  52 years of unwavering love and support.

When Hex and I first went out to pack your things, I was expecting the worst.  I hadn't been out there in years, and for you, they hadn't been good years.  But your place was just incredible, full of all your little keepsakes, carefully assembled and stacked and cataloged, and organized like only you could do.  Dog bowls, wood signs, old books, sharks teeth, clocks, and leashes, and cozy blankets.  All collected and cherished.  I was blown away.  In the midst of all your illness, you managed to keep your surroundings in order, and I felt so proud of you.

The last few years were the worst, I knew.  Safe with mom and dad, but locked inside yourself.  You didn't want to say much, because you didn't think you had anything to say.

After you died, and everybody reached out, all they could remember was the Sue of the past.  The Super fun Sue.  Always laughing, and energetic, and tan.  You brought so much happiness to so many people with your smile and wisdom and caring.  I LOVE to remember this Sue.

I remember all the amazing times we had growing up.  You were such a daredevil, and I was always trying to reign you in.  Building forts in far way woods, going under 270 in the sewer, staying up later than we were allowed to, driving a car way before you knew how, skipping school, skipping church, and playing with our christmas presents in the middle of December while mom and dad were away.

We were like twins, always together, and always understanding each other.  And we loved to be together. 

I remember our wrestling matches on mom and dads tall bed, which we would always start with an emphatic NO TICKLING !  Or our short back rubs,10 minutes each.  And I remember you torturing me by pining my arms down with your knees and waiving your long hair in my face, or running up from the basement and turning the lights off , leaving me down there alone in complete darkness,  terrified!

I never had hard feelings because I loved you so much, so genuinely, and looked up to you.  I worshiped you.  And I always knew the feeling was mutual.

One memory sticks out.  We were punished together for some reason, and told to stay in our rooms.  I remember how we stretched our little bodies across the hallway carpet, my feet in my room, and your feet in yours.  I just love this image of us just wanting to be together.  I remember our sleep overs when grandma and grandma would stay.  We would set of the army cot in my room, and you would sleep inside your super cozy holly hobby sleeping bag.  Or sleeping downstairs by the glowing fireplace.  All the doors closed, you closest to the fireplace, and me pressed beside you.

So many memories that I will always keep deep inside for the both of us, and cherish forever.

I remember you always always always wanted a pet that you could call your own.  First it was a mouse named bernard, then a random Fox from Leslie Valario, and finally Emma, a fox red lab that reminded you of the dogs from Where the Red Fern Grows.  Emma was your prize!  You trained her to be the best dog ever, and took her on adventures that all dogs would dream of. Then came Bailey, and Salinger, and Sam, and much later Emmet.  All there to surround you with love and comfort and purpose.

I will never forget the night that Bailey passed away, and I came out to help you bury her.  You put your sweet hand on the box she lay in, and poured out your soul to her.  I had never seen an expression of love so powerful.  I can't even begin to describe it here.  It was so beautiful and I'm lucky to have been there to see it, and all these years later it still brings me to tears.  I was so moved, and will never forget it.

Dear Sue, 

Im sorry you were so sad, and so ill, for so long.  I knew it, and could see it, but I didn't know what to do.  I was afraid to ask you important questions, or to confront you about things I knew that were happening.  I was scared it would open the infinite hole of darkness I had seen in the past.  Please forgive me.

Instead we played parcheesi.  Endless rounds of parcheesi with Hex and Jimmy.  It was always so cool to see how this brought out the old Sue.  Fun and alert and competitive and strong.  I always knew that these times with you were special, and brought you happiness, even if just for a few hours a week.  It would be so hard to leave, especially when you would ask for just one more game.

I can't stand to think of never getting to see you again, and to hug you tightly, and smell your hair, and hear you laugh, and see you smile.  I will miss you forever.  You were an amazing sister, and daughter and teacher, and friend.  you always loved me with all your heart, and I still feel it, even now.

love dave

Wednesday, August 8, 2018

this week is like a slow parade, walking towards saturday reluctantly.  Writing what I'm going to say is torture, so I put it off, then go back to it.

So so hot.  Emma had a blast at the park today.  Got there early, and gradually dogs came in.  She tried her hardest to play with each, but there was little interest.  So she would run around and around then end up in the pool.  Finally a dog came in that was ready to play, and they went nuts.  After planning to keep the bitty-play to a minimum, all was lost.  All they was to do is jump all over each other, and bite each others necks.  Emma always seems to be on the losing end, but she is all in, clearly having fun.

Added more shirts to the site, and plan to take some pics next week.  This weekend will cap off a month of anticipation and dread.  It won't be over, but at least it will be behind.  After wards I think I will feel freer again.

Monday, August 6, 2018

Dog Days 2018 went well, thanks to Hexy!

Good weather - hot and sunny both days.  We got out just as the sun was shifting, so not too bad.  Lucked out that the painter hadn't claimed the entire area.  Nice to be back on 14th.

Selling vibe different - new crowds and attitudes I guess.  The whole Dog Days vibe has evaporated.  Used to be a fun local think, but I didn't feel that at all.  Mostly just the regular weekend crowds, which have steadily gotten much bigger over the years.

And the interest is different too.  More browsy, and less into buying.  I feel like.  Did ok $ wise in comparison, but really felt a change.

Anyway, busy day recovering, and adding more shirts to the website.

Anniversary of picking out Emma at Belquest today.  Hard to believe a year has passed!!!!!

xoxo emma!

Friday, August 3, 2018

Tired after a busy few days preparing for Dog Days sale.  After it all I'm sitting here thinking: is it really worth it?  Probably just the tired mood I'm in, but sometimes I have to wonder.  When I add up all the expenses and most importantly the time, I bet it's break even or less.  Ugh, depressing.

Hoping it's a good day.  I have mugs and cards and prints and shirts.  Almost 200 shirts!  Don't know how this will all fit on the tables, and expect to be in competition with the painter who has taken up residence in my old front-of-the-studio spot.

Cheer up, it will be good to be selling again.

Wednesday, August 1, 2018

dear dave,

tired back, tired eyes, and tired puppy.

Lots of standing today, and I feel it right now.  Ugh I'm getting older.

Making cards for pixies, and Commission for Hans.  Everything going fine, but times a ticking.  Taking Monday off is looking like a bad idea in retrospect.

Lots of park time again for Emma.  Loves the pool, and loves to bite play with worthy and willing opponents.  All good until other dogs get involved.  I hate when they team up on each other.  But all seems to get worked out.  They never go too far.  Somehow they (usually) know when to stop.

Tuesday, July 31, 2018

R.I.P. Remimartin - my baby, always!

Feeling better after a cathartic weekend (and horrific over night in Rockville).  Massages do wonders.

Busy printing for commissions, reprint orders, and dog days (this weekend!)  Lots of shirts to make.

Great time with Emma this afternoon at the dog park.  She loves that kiddie pool, and playing with dogs.   Lots of fun.

Saturday, July 28, 2018

So hurt by XX, after seeing their ad on FB yesterday for my replacement (with my artwork).

I wrongly assumed that they were going in a different direction, something without illustrations, or a very different style, or less expensive.  I was wrong - the ad uses my art as an example of what they are looking for, quotes a larger fee than I had been getting, and list everything required as exactly what I had been doing.

What a punch in the gut.  It feels so personal.  For a reason I don't understand, they just didn't want me anymore.  I've gotten nothing but effusive praise from them (always), and have worked with them for 8 years.  WTF?

I reached out to xxxx, but haven't heard back.  Maybe I never will.

Thursday, July 26, 2018

More sad days, and a lot of not so bad days.

Sue continues to dominate my thoughts, but less so the past few days.  Gearing up for her memorial, and have no idea what I am going to say, besides all the cliche stuff.  Thought today about David Saderis, and how he would have a beautiful story to tell.  I wish I could write something like that.  Funny and sad and sentimental.

Went through some of her journals on Sunday.  They were a jumble of thoughts and drawings.  Lists and poems and odes to her dogs.  Many I think written on drunken summer nights out in Poolesville.  So creative and sweet and sad and funny.  I shared a book with Jimmy, and was surprised to see her read it for a long while.  I wouldn't think she would understand her writing, or her logic.  She commented how sad Sue seemed in the books.  She really did.

So grateful to reach Casey on FB.  My greatest hope and achievement after Sue died.  Every time I think about their relationship I get chocked up.  Sue was so regretful.  Whatever happened between them was toxic at the end, and Casey never gave Sue a chance to make it right.  Something that she never got over, I know.  Just making peace with her, in my small way, makes me feel like Ive fulfilled some sort of dieing wish.  She loved her so much.

Wednesday, July 11, 2018

Sad to discover I won't be doing XX illustrations anymore.  Decided to do something else.  Bummer.

One door closes, another window opens.


Tuesday, July 10, 2018

More sad days pile up.  We saw Sue for the last time yesterday.  A long hot car ride to Baltimore, and sitting in a little funeral waiting room, looking at my shoes on the carpet and anticipating the worst.  It wasn't so bad, she was mostly covered, and her face had color.  Ha, it always did! 

I tried to absorb the image as best I could, and to honor all that she means to me.  But it's not something you want to linger over, the face of your dead sister.  I thought about touching her, but wasn't compelled. The exact opposite, so I didn't.

Another longer hotter car ride home, with a stop at the rest area on 95.  i remember meeting her there on our way out to the bay with the dogs.  I took Polaroids of us with young remi.  lots of memories of being with her out in nature.  Driving to remote places and tanning or walking the dogs.

Emma is frustrating us by not eating her food.  It is such a weird problem.  And leads to so much anxiety.  Otherwise she seems normal.  Or more hyper.  Just took her to the dog park where she had a lot of fun, especially with a great Dane.  I looked on prying she would get trampled.  It was huge, but very gentle.

Friday, June 29, 2018

Wretched grieving the loss of Sue.  Haunted by the idea that I will never see her again, smell her, and hold her.  I will miss her forever and ever and ever.

Lots of her things to sort through and distribute.  A daunting task.

I searched high and low through her room and car and phone for something that she may have written.  Found a bunch of sequential notes on an ipod, written a few years ago.  Insights to what she was dealing with, but all very much of what I already understood.

It's just so sad.  I realize I have 50 years worth inside of emotions and upsets and worries for her well being.  And a million memories of fun and love.  I have to be determined to think of things in a positive light:  She is finally free.  And in a wierd and obvious way, so am I.

Thursday, June 28, 2018

A horrible day I will never forget

Thursday, May 3, 2018

super hot - but hopefully temporary.  Insta-summer.

Emma has only few more days of heat.  good news.

Working on transferring website.  almost there, but have hesitations.  Trade offs are inevitable.

Thought my internet was FIXED (!), then had same trouble again today.  ugh : (

Tuesday, May 1, 2018

Busy few days pulling prints together for CDR auction (below).  Came out well, but many hiccups.  Computer problems are getting worse and more frequent. 

I keep putting off buying a better (smaller screened) computer that is going to force me to give up iweb and all the other software I rely on (bitter)

WARM next few days.  Good, but a shock to the system.  SO SO SO anxious to get Emma out of being in heat, so I can take her to the park again.  She is so bottled up.  Poor girl.

Monday, April 23, 2018

Spring has been so spotty, just like my attempts to keep up with the blog. 

Its cold, then nice then cloudy, then windy, then warm, then cold again.  Today we were back to being slightly cold (wore shorts) but coldish and breezy.

Another monday at Branddave!  Brought the peregrine cards over, and planned for Pixies.  Happy with the card designs overall, but always want to do better.  Wish I had more new ideas.  Hoping the go well at Peregrine.

Tomorrow back to printing (charlie).  Will be a challenge getting all the blacks and greys right.

Emma in HEAT, which is such an epic drag.  Can't take her out to the park everyday (like we have done for months and months) so she is more ansty, and so am I.  Miss it, and feel bad for keeping her confined.  the bleeding is terrible.  I semi remember it with Remi, but it's a blur.  Something to endure!

Saturday, April 21, 2018