Bonkers day worried about money going out - taxes, car repair, visa bill, health insurance.  A storm of outflow that has me shaken.  

At the same time, $$ in from Bill.  But somehow that is different $, that I can't touch, and didn't earn, and I just sort of discount.  It's really bizarre.

Feeling shitty about (branddave) things lately.  So negative, and lazy, and directionless.  I had wind in my sails after WHARF friday, but here I am Monday, paralyzed and muddled and worried.  I'm always worried.  Worry is a constant.

THINGS ALWAYS WORK OUT.  NOTHING IS WORSE THAN It's EVER BEEN.  I just can't seem to help myself.  Ugh.

Finished up TAME TILL PROVOKED, and having a devil of a time getting them glued and stained.  Trying to recycle wood, and use up the (dry) glue that I have, and it all just is extra effort and frustration.  I have painted over mistakes on the print surface 10,000 times. Ink, dirt, stain.  Its just a sponge magnet for my mistakes.  

Hoping to find THE PERFECT box to ship it in.  Other 2 go to shopmade, which is a whole other can of worms.  Refreshed the sales report (for April 23) a million times throughout the day, but it was never posted.  It should be posted.  Its so maddening and frustrating.

Same with carefirst.  Policy is displayed, then voided, then disappears altogether.  And their CONTANCT portal is SHIT.  WTF???  It is just a mountain of frustration and wasted energy of concern.  I hate it.

 Wednesday today -

Trying to get thru some reprints, but it is slow-going.  Stressed because one is a duplicate of something I printed in 2014, and it's for the same person.  Hard to make an exact copy of something.  Had lots of screen making issues.  Hope they resolve easily.  Was super scared that my light table was suddenly malfunctioning.  What would I do??

Promising correspondence for SM.  That's good.

 up down up down up down

1st of the months always stress me out - $$$$$ goes out, and I'm forced to face the fact that not enough $$$$ is coming in.  I hem and haw all day, then finally make all my payments, resolve to try harder, resolve to work smarter, and resolved to get back on track again.

Monday 1st of the months really suck.  Today is Monday.

i spent all weekend down on myself for not getting to Georgetown on FRIDAY with the cards and prints I had prepared. I'll go Saturday!  I didn't.  I'll go Sunday, I didn't.  Finally, I'll go Monday morning - I did not.  Worked on the prints that were stragglers, finished them, and finally set off to go.  

It was a good and nutritious trip,  They are always excited to see me, and it puts some bounce in my step and fire under my ass to do all the things I resolved above.  F E E D B A C K ! ! !  It's always this thing I crave, and forget that I'm not getting enough, to my detriment.

So - time to go home.  Another day tomorrow.