2021 year in pictures

 the year in pictures

2013 year in pics

2014 year in pics

2015 year in pics

2016 year in pics  

2017 year in pics
2018 year in pics

2019 year in pics

2020 year in pics

 

 

2021 Wrap Up

ANOTHER YEAR!  

Classic that I'm sitting here in the quiet studio, avoiding A L L work, gray outside, and typing this up.  new Years eve and I don't want to do ANYTHING!  Up late and coffee with Hex at Firehook (new go to) without emma because it was slightly drizzly.  Very rare to be without her.

 

It was a shitty year / December.  No way to sugar coat the end, when mom and dad both went into the hospital a few weeks apart, and mom died mid December.  Years and months and weeks and days of worry and boundary setting as things progressively got worse, and we continued to not do much different.  Nightly calls and Sunday visits, and that was it.  Ugh, it's all so shitty and will take lots of time to grieve.  Dad still doing ok.  

Weird that all the rituals stopped. No meal prep, no grocery shopping, no muffin making, no 8pm calls, no laying in bed watching HGTV.  It's all just over.  The house is a tomb.  I don't want to go.

 

Anyway, this all shadowed the year for sure, but '21 was rough anyway.  High hopes for Biden, and spring was promising covid-wise, and then slowly slide back.  But life got better and less restrictive, for sure.  

 

Problem was that I was so lost and down on myself, and anxious about finances, and how to succeed (without working harder).  All that was lost over the past few years continued to be lost.  Buzz, Trohv, Story District, Hallmark, etc.  

Shopmade ramped up and took a lot of my time and creative energy, but I keep coming to the conclusion that I'm putting in way more than I am getting out.  But of course I can't and shouldn't stop.  It's all so hard to calculate and understand.  I think I have a winning formula, only to get the rug pulled out (new mangers, closed stores, changing season, new stores) and I'm back to no mans land.  

 

Big thing in spring was renewing the studio lease.  All worked out with lots of angst.  In hindsight, I realize I should have asked for a much bigger reduction.  Commercial rent is in the toilet.  But I'm here for 3 more years, and rent just keeps going up.

Muddled along all year.  Cards shirts prints.  One color shirts for Fall which I'm still working on.  SHIRTS VEX ME ! ! ! ! ! ! !  ! ! ! !  I just can't figure out the right formula for color/style/design.  Gave up on women's V necks and did all unisex for Arts on the Ave.  Worked out ok.

 Planned all year for holiday only to have all melt down early November.  Spent waaaay to much time on cards, which fizzled this year compared to last, then got a ton of Micro orders and got bogged down with making / printing/ and no real time to market and sell.  But i guess all worked out.  Did ok, the best I could.  Every year is so different.  I never have a handle on what will sell best.

 Really enjoyed the one color prints on construction paper, developed on a fluke.  Really fun and easy to make, and seemed successful, but SM never asked for restocks, and very unsure how all sold.  Such a mystery to me.  They "seemed" to sell, so why wouldn't they ask for more?  I don't understand.

 

Anyway, overall take on 21: ????????????  

 

How to move forward??????  

 

All I have felt for years now is a downward slide.  How can I turn that around???????????  

 

I will be so happy if / when I ever figure that out.

 

 2020 wrap up

 2019 wrap up

2018 Wrap up

2017 Wrap up 

2016 Wrap up

2015 Wrap up

2014 Wrap up

2013 Wrap up

2012 Wrap up

2011 Wrap up

2010 Wrap up

2009 Wrap up

Today is the day Jimmy passed away

 

 Crabby monday working on a big awkward print that SHOULD be super easy, but I managed to fuck it up over and over.  Just a little overprint of blue ink on brown, and my whole afternoon spiraled into thoughts of quitting everything.  Not sure why my mental health is always on a razors edge, but it is.

Sorted it out the best I could, and waiting for a screen to dry to finish it all up.  6:17, so all I really want to do is go home (ugh, we walked)

Thought I was smart to get cheaper vellum at Michael's for printing positives, but sure enough, it doesn't print as well as the more expensive Office Depot brand.  Another fail.

 

Late October, and comparing myself to last year, I am behind.  

 yikes - few weeks without blogging.  

 

so bogged down (right on schedule) with work - taking me in every direction.  Prints, shirts cards, commissions, shows.  Everything is such a project with 15 steps, with few overlaps.  Taking one day at a time and trying to wade my way through.  

The worst part, the saddest part, is it's not earning me much money.  Few things I have already been paid for, and some I'm not getting paid enough for, and SM - I'm just so curious if it helps me at all.  

So full of angst this month and year over my business.  HOW TO MAKE MONEY?  What I am doing and know how to do is not working.  I tell myself this over and over and over, but then do the same thing.  Because its comfortable.  Or its all I know how to do.  Or am willing to do.  I refuse to push myself further into other ways.

It gets me down on myself. 

 

 Days go quick!

Working on all projects at same time, which is tough.  Lots of commission and order stuff to do, and it crashes with printing for shopmade inventory.  Cut a ton of wood, and primed and painted it all.  Thought I was all set yesterday, but this morning turned into round 2 as I realized I didn't have the right pieces for what I needed, and primer brush was out (they dry up almost instantly)

Anyway, a big job, but all got accomplished together, which s the right way.

Happy to go home and crash another night.  These days are taking a lot out of me. : /

 

 days weeks and weekends going by really fast.

Friday - worked on shirts for AOA, and got prints to Wharf / G Town.  Dumbarton with Emma

saturday - lazy morning, work a bit afternoon.  No great falls

sunday - brunch with B & L then rockville

Today - more shirts for AOA, and thats about it!  home Depot early to get wood for Dudes Print. 

This week - prints for ROOST, prints on paper for all, and commissions printing.  Lots to do!!

wow - week went by fast.

 

Thursday today - my BDAY!  53

Busy making shirts today for all the orders that came at Art on the Ave.  Decided to take orders on the spot, and got a ton.  Shirts came in yesterday, and today I'm sorting out all the designs.

 

Also trying to make some prints for shop made.  I'm always at cross purposes!  Made some cool ones yesterday, only to be less into them today.  Always the way.  Flying machine syndrome.

 Off to lorial Plaza with Hexy for dinner.  Excited about that.

 

 Yikes,

 

Long time no blog!  

 

Busy few weeks.  Sick with kidney stone, then super busy trying to finish everything for Arts on the Ave.  A great day, and just what I needed to boost me into October and the holidays.  

 

Working hard on new prints for shopmade, new tees for the site, and commission stuff that was put off to get everything else complete.

 

Always hard to shift gears, but I have to.  Tomorrow wednesday already.  Yikes!!

 

 Stress is coming in from every angle. 

one day at a time

worried about:

Rockville

Art on the Ave

Commission

xmas prep

$$$

Health

car

Emma appt

etc

 

Yesterday was crazy

BW Parkway > pain > college park parking lot > vomiting > Shoppers Food bathroom > writhing on bench in pain > 911 > ambulance > Doctors Hospital > recovery > scans and blood tests > Hex appears > discharge angst > bus ride(s) > walk back to car > drive home.

 Kidney stones are P A I N F U L.  I cannot believe how bad the pain was.  And then gone.  So lucky it wasn't something serious, but so bummed that I had to spend $$$$ and recover on my own.

 

Life goes on

 

 ups and downs.

saturday sale on sidewalk on 18th a TOTAL BUST!!  we were lazy, and it didn't work out - fantastically

back to center today, but ugh, feel overwhelmed and fearful over things - Rockville, schedule, responsibilities etc

 

stay positive (I try)

 

Coffee with C this morning.  Of course, we overslept because I set the alarm to PM. 

Nice to be in Bethesda, and around bustling people.  DC ? Logan has a stale vibe.  i really enjoyed being in a different place.

Convo was fun but turned to branddave, and I felt muddled.  I can't even articulate what is going on.  C made lots of suggestions, but didn't feel traction on any direction she was pushing. \

Back at studio, and frustration with projects for XX.  Went on an angry rainy walk with Emma, and distilled my response, which made me feel much better and centered.  And really made me think of my frustrations with Adam.  An interesting thing.

Anyway, much darker much earlier.  Right on schedule.  Things picking up a bit, which is great.  Pixies tees running late, which S U C K S.

 

Listening to Bjork late in the day, and feeling unease.  Everything reminds me of something else, and it creates this nostalgia loop.  For some reason the past makes me sad rather than happy.  I think of lost times and lost people, and always think the grass was greener.  Happier, easier, simpler times, when the reality is, they were not.

 

These moments turn into precious little fragile eggs that I need to protect and ruminate over.  Anyway, Bjork brings me to this place.  Printing in the fall at the corcoran.  Late nights and driving home in the dark.

 

Greg visited today, and happily concurred with all the mental struggles 20 and 21 have brought.  Nice to hear him articulate his struggles, and feel like I'm not alone.  It's so hard to put my finger on, What am I feeling.  I mean, it is not uncommon to feel anxiety and fear PRE covid, just read this blog.  But all has been elevated and drawn out, and absorbing.  

Today I put my finger on it better: un safety.  Now we know that things can seriously fuck us up super quickly, and we are powerless.  The sense of well-being has diminished.  My confidence in a smooth future is shaken.  Even though we have suffered little on the outside, there is just this feeling, this shift.  It's mental of course, and it's omnipresent.  What does the future hold?

 

 

 

 The continuing struggle.

Got a print made and shipped, and set up next few prints.  Struggled to find GAGGLE positives so I could fix the Gaggle print I have (painted over the wood parts that were exposed).  Think maybe that was causing it to be less appealing.  (UGH - see, Im thinking of what will sell rather then how I wanted it).

Anyway, struggled to figure out WTF to do with art on the ave.  So I just didn't decide.

 

 Good news always gets converted into bad news!

After my speech to hex about how all those shirts at Pixies will never sell, I get an email form Pixie asking for more, because they sold really well.

That gets translated into > I now need to B U Y more paper and shirts to make more.  More $ out the door.  Because I can't simply get the quantity I need, I have to buy 10 x more, and spend $ I don't have, while still needing to spend $$$$ on supplies for printing, and framing, and giclées and ink and newsprint, and screen cleaner, and more shirts for Art on the Ave, and cards, and envelopes. It's a MOUNTAIN of things I need to buy, just to keep going on the treadmill of not making enough money.

Ugh - my brain is backwards.  Of course, I need to spend $ to make money, but it really only feels like all I do is spend spend spend spend.  The money that comes in is just not cutting it.  I'm lost. I just never know what to do.  Every day and week and month Im confronted with the same problem (fear), where will the money come in from? 

U G H

 

 Productive Friday - so so

Got new print made and shipped, finished the friends ones, almost finished TEAMWORK.

Drove out to Buzz to fluff cards.  A nice friday thing to do.

Weekend angst - what to do tomorrow.  Of course, I should do a sale.  We'll see.

So frustrated with IG - all posts are getting sandbagged.  Obviously need to do something about it, maybe add to my follow list?  Something really strange - very little traction on all posts.  Makes me feel invisible - which is FRUSTRATING!!!!

 

Productive (?)* day today printing "Friends come in all Sizes" on wood and then paper.  Fun but confounding to print on paper.  I cannot for the life of me understand why it's not holding register.  Eventually it did, but I have no clue why it didn't at first.  So I had to print all the black outlines one-by-one, of course.

*How should I be using my time???  Always a big question mark.  Here I am spending hours and hours on a print, on spec, expecting it will sell eventually (for far less $ than I would like).  Everything is a question.  I have lost my confidence, and it's rough.

Anyway, love the way it turned out, especially on paper.  So that is a plus!

Thursday already, which leads to questions on the weekend.  Always - questions on the weekend.

- - - - -

Coffee with C & J cancelled because of possible covid exposure.  Ugh.  This week -

 

 Worked on illustration redo, and HD tee design.  Setting up new prints that Im making, and photographed some.

Posted to IG late in day, then went on walk with Emma, and spiraled my head into knots of upset.  Same issues, they just bubble up to the surface.  

Worked myself down as I got back to the studio and started working again.  I just don't know.  Not feeling great about my prospects lately.

 

 First day back after a long holiday weekend.  There is always this major shift when LABOR day is over, and its back to work.  The frivolity of summer is OVER, and it's time to get to work.  But it never really is that way, it just F E E L S like that.

Ok day.  Thought I would have to do big errand in Rockville that fizzled.  Like getting out of Trombone lessons.  Finished out the prints I had made screens for, and that is pretty much it.  Making plans for the next prints.

All orders are complete, so it's on to uncomfortable projects that I have put off.  Haha.  Classic.

Anxious about the months ahead, and making $.  Things are touch and go.  ugh, a pit in my stomach.

 

 So so ending to the week,  Got pixies shirts done, shopemade tees done, prints over to UM, cicad print shipped, large bitches print shipped, and Bills tees made.

Holiday weekend, which means sitting around watching tv.  Maybe a sale tomorrow?  not sure

getting dark MUCH earlier.  It hits all of a sudden.

Fun with Emma in Dumbarton today.  Wish I could let her run free, but I cant.  We had a nice time in the meadow.  She was really happy.

 dear dave,

Feeling lots of emotions today, paying rents, insurance, depositing checks, and looking at balances.  So much apprehension about the future, and loss of confidence.  I hate it.  I wish I had the swagger I had years ago, feeling extra confident that all will always work out, and that I have plenty of $$ saved, so I didn't need to worry.  I guess COVID has wiped all those feelings away, along with the steady decline of sales each progressive year.  So hard to face facts and make any kind of correction.  I'm always asking myself: what are you going to do?  There is never an answer.  I can't seem to find my way (consistently).

Rough few days with "Rockville" as news hits that "Frederick" is now a no - go, and all the excitement and relief of that is just gone.  Poor Bill and John.  They have done major heavy lifting.  Poor mom and dad, things just decline.  It's incredibly emotionally draining.

Other stuff:

Trekked out to SM Union Market to drop inventory.  Store coming along - was struck by my greeting, and how I was swept into being enthusiastic about my "placement" in the layout.  Ugh  Today I was included in a IG story, and didn't see all the new prints I had worked on, and also saw something I dropped at Roost.  All just "ugh"  I really need to redirect my attention elsewhere and not be frustrated by this stuff (I tell myself)

Today made shirts for Pixies.  All came out well.  Went light on cicadas, hope a good call.  Anxious that they won't sell...

 more angst of course:

print sale - not success

cards arrived - wish I made them brighter

t's - scared about ordering / printing for Arts on the Ave

Monday - bust spent home waiting for washer repair that, in the end, couldn't be repaired.

Ok weekend, typical sunday of dread and Rockville.  Just now all our plans for their move to Frederick fell through, so its back to square one for poor Bill.  I feel just terrible for him.

 

Woe is me

 

 

 Lots of feels today about my work and direction and frustrations and discouragements.

Started at ROOST, where sure enough, they DIDNT need any artwork or cards afterall.  Spent most of the last few days preparing new prints and trying to get them out the door and brought to Roost, which is on the other side of the planet and has early hours.  

99% of my brain was non-functioning - I should have known this was all wrong when I got the email request for more prints  I was just there with Hex weeks ago PICKING UP prints that had languished there since December at least.  

 Nothing seems to sell there, nothing at all.  I'm not sure it's a functioning store, more like lobby decor.  Anyway, I show up, and the display is essentially exactly as I left it weeks ago, nothing touched, and lots of cards as well.

I had a mini breakdown, then went to work packing most old ones up, and putting out the new ones I  just brought.  Worked out ok, but considering the hours of thought I put into it all, its a complete waste of my time and energy this week.  Not a good feeling.

 

Went to WHARF afterwards, and similar angst.  Except there they needed more prints.   I dropped what I had, and took the duds too, but afterwards was kicking myself for not staying longer and working on the display more.  SO ANGSTY about how they are putting my stuff with pet products.  Just a bummer.

ANYWAY, all this led to an existential crisis on my drive home.  WHAT THE F AM I DOING ? ? ? ? So incredible frustrated with myself, my lack of direction, and most important my lack of I N C O M E.  Reliable income.  I can't seem to find or look or figure out what will earn me money.  I'm spending all this time (and money) making these prints for shopmade and the sales trickle.  It's just not viable.  And IG and website as well.  Its just not working (anymore).

I'm really confused and discouraged.

Came home, picked up emma, showered, and pulled my brain together, to more positive territory.  Yet these feeling have plagued me all year.  I can't find answers.  Or I'm not capable of looking for them.  I don't want to.  I just want to peter along, but at some point, I'm going to drown.

 

Another hot Monday.  Feeling kind of blah going into the week.  Working on prints for Shopmade, and finished commission projects.  

 

Good day today, but typical monday.  Finished cards saturday and sent in the order, so I am anxious to see them when they return.  

 Classic - after finishing all up, I see that there is not much *NEW* there like I thought (or felt).  Seemed like I had all these new ideas, but really they were retreads and redesigns of older ideas.  BUT - they all came out well, so I'm happy overall.

Dumbarton with Emma Sautrday.  And bill and Lee Sunday then Rockville.  Big things changing soon.  Im not ready, but I never will be!

 

productive Day!

 

Finally got my micros out (new and improved one) and working on greeting cards which is fun.  nice to use my design muscles for a change!

 

ok off to home,

 

 Yesterday - felt crappy with headache.  Got what I needed to get done done (and ran out to Rockville to help dad up from a fall) and went home - hoping all would work out today.

Had a 4:30 deadline, and just made it.  Print came out great (with a few misteps that I was able to correct).  Happy to have it complete, and time to move on.

Rough night last night still feeling shitty.  Happy today was much better.  Off to rest up for the rest of the week,

 

No sidewalk sale today - of course. Super hot, and Hex in no mood (me neither).

Spent most of the day in studio doing not much, but did a little printing and sanding, so it wasn't a total washout.  Home to bake pie. 

 Sunday morning plans got high jacked - so kind of dreading that.  So stupid.  I complain about not being social, but don't want to be social.  Classic.

 

 FRIDAY!

 

Ha - day kind of lagged.  Typical August.  All the distractions are empty of content.  It's like working overnight.  Nobody around.

 

Was productive.  Commission approved (!!) so I could move forward on all.  Made screens, cut lotsa wood, and drew some more micros.  Like all.

 

Keep going back and forth about sale tomorrow.  SOOOOOOOOOOO hot out, so that is a major detractor factor.  We'll see I guess.  The good thing is I can wait to decide until the last second.  But that usually means no, because by the time Saturday at 2pm comes around, I don't want to do ANYTHING.

Ok > Home now.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

H A P P Y 4TH A N N I V E R S A R Y ms emma peel!

Picked her up four years ago.  Time flies by.

so so day.  Finished commission and expected quick feedback turnaround.  But that didn't happen, so the rest of the day stalled.  Of course.  Super super super hot and humid.  Almost toxic!  Had to walk back up 18th (like yesterday (to retrieve fed ex package I sent to the wrong fed ex, and it was rough.  The sun is poison.

So anxious to hear back on art, so I can proceed.  Fingers crossed.

paw modeling

 

More printing today - which went fine.  But made me feel kind of empty - like, ok great, here they are,  Next!

Reprints make me feel kind of blah.  Everything makes me feel blah.  I just feel bored with myself and my work.  What can I do about it????????????

Went on to drawing, which is just - - - - - - -  !  

 Forgot to report that after 10,000 hours of angst about micro drawings I was working on last week and before, I finally settled on designs, printed them, was happy with them, and so was my client.  Success usually results.  But getting there can be real torture.  

 Onto the next one for this week, but feel less muddled.  I think i will arrive at my destination faster.  We'll see. 

Got in a pink tote today.  Really like it.

ok, off for the night

 

 Productive-ish Tuesday.

Got some paper to print on at Blick, and printed REST CHAIR, which turned out well.  Much harder than wood, that's for sure.

Got some other designs printed as well, but let's be honest, could have should have gotten a lot more accomplished.  Ugh.  I'm always in a fight with myself.