Ugh, Google makes me wary requiring "enabled cookies" in order to uplaod photos to the blog going forward.

 

Bullshit!

Anyway [INSERT OLD PICTURE OF MY DAD HERE]

Wondering why I have been so anxious/melecholy the past few days, and went back to the blog to see and confirm that four years ago today my Dad passed away.  Ahhh, my mood now makes sense. 

- - - 

So down on myself past few days, struggling to get new cards finalized and ordered.  Monday & tues started on such a hugh note, having so much fun drawing and coming up with ideas.  Excitement and confidence builds like a snowball, and suddenly I have all these ideas and not enought time to do them all.  THEN I start getting a little sloppy/and lazy and I use same captions / old drawings to fill in so I can complete my design thought, get it on paper.

THEN I have all these half-baked ideas with repuposed drawings and similar captions and they all just kind of mash together, so I have to edit it all down.  That is where the self doubt creeps in, and I realize I have got a lot of nothing, or when I edit it down, its not that exciting anymore.  

OR, by this time I have looked at it a lot and worked on it alot so it's no long new and fresh, but stale and so so. I let some time go by hoping I will have a new perspective, but all that does is waste days that I dont have, and the order just gets later and later.

The whole purpose was to have NEW fun refreshed designs, and I have ended up with just a few that I like, and will they sell anyway?? Are they better than what I intend to replace them with??  Doubt Doubt Doubt seeps in, the week is over, my plan to get the order in fast is smashed, and its just all fucked up now.

So I turn on myself. 

 A chance to reflect as I wait for Hexy to be finished at the Dr. Office.

Lemon & Echo are playing well around here, pretty quiet and boisterous.  Lemon doing great except EVERY day is different which drives me crazy.  I guess that's how it goes with a rapidly growing and changing puppy.  

Yesterday we did so well with the peeing.  Today, terrible! And hot weather makes it harder of course.

Emma acting so sketchy these days - so hard to understand and counter.  So guarded while she walks, very slow and smelling everything.  Like I'm rushing her.  It's exactly like Emma, which makes me think it's related.  So so strange, and makes walking her long distances really hard.  I'm determined to see her through it.

 BUT !!  Having not one but 2 dogs being weird on the leash is a bit much! 

 Anxiety sky-high this Monday afternoon, I don't know why.  Something in the air??

Circadian Rhythm all recalibrated after 2 weeks with lemon.  Up super early to let her out and give her medication.  This morning we had out long awaited (7 days) follow up appt to confirm her Giardia is clear, and to get next round of vaccinations.  

Big relief but really torturous and adversarial.  Sitting in the horrible little exam room, Lemon hot and excited panting in my lap, invisible germs everywhere, waiting waiting waiting for the f-ing vet to enter and attend to us.  When she does is rapid-fire talk and bill padding.  First with a quick ear exam and trying to get up to quickly agree on another test to see what every she pulls out of it is so it can be addressed and treated.  FUCK YOU !!!  When I said I wanted to just go the cleaning route she quickly changed course.  Thank god I got smart after out $1200 appt last week full of BULLSHIT test that were totally unnecessary.

I'm so pissed.

Then checking out the nurse hands us another $50 tablet for heartworm.  No no no, we will get cheaper elsewhere.

 

Giardia clear and all the angst associated with Echo maybe having it too - luckily we didn't go through all the trouble of testing her.  FINGERS CROSSED this remains the right decision.

 

TO BE CONTINUED . . . 

Fell off my blog wagon!  I was doing so well.  I guess I just have forgotten, and have been writing in my journal instead.

The month has moved slowly as we transition away from Emma and towards the new puppy coming.  Once I got it all set up I calmed down and all the sadness just poured in.  Like a hole in the sand on the beach.

Anxious for the giant change that's about to come, and just want to get over the initial hump of shock and nervousness and into the routine. 

Losing Emma has been so different from all the past dogs. Because it was so sudden and she was so young.  It's felt like she got lost, or somebody just came in and took her.  We had such a rhythm and routine, and it's been a constant reminder throughout the day, every activity, every location, that she is not there, and will never be again.  It's just so hared to accept. 

Poor Echo is so displaced and just odd as a single dog, like it was never meant to be.  We have gotten along really well and she is so easy and mobile (tough to change!!) but it's always like something is incomplete with just here.  She is such a part of a duo, and I know she misses Emma.  Lucky to have lots of play time with Nandi which she just loves.  It wipes her out.

Puppy comes Saturday, today's Wednesday, and it's just been a ticktock - ticktock for a while now anticipating the day.  Meanwhile, work continues on.

Finished my cricket print, and working on SM for the holiday, and CRIMINALLY have continued to put off commission.  It's insane, there is no other way to put it.

 

April SM numbers good, so that lifted my spirits.  Losing UM manger, and that sucks!  She was a champion.

Posters vs Screen printing / Giclée has been a game changer (I think).  Jury is still out.  But man, what a solution!  Happy about it so far. 

LOTS to do, as always.  Cards, prints, tees, stickers.  >>> On to the future! 

Ugh, first day of May.  Ugh because of $$$$$$$ out !  Was so happy to see balances up, but the money just flies right out the door.  

 

April sure was a kick in the gut.  I think about Emma every day, reminded of her 1000 times a day as I walk around with Echo.  Getting in the car, walking up and down the steps, walking through the neighborhood.  I think of all places I know she will smell, or want to stop.  She was so much a part of my day, and not having her is so painful.  I miss her so much.

Echo is doing ok, but she is a sidekick without a star.  It's going to be strange seeing her change roles with the new puppy.  Worries me a bit.  Add it to the worry list.  It's 10 moles long.

Fun few days in the studio creating and recreating.  Ha, I tend to revise a lot more than create now!  Found some new visual tools and like the look so far.  Feels fresh (for me), and easier to use brighter colors.

My experiment with printing posters worked out perfectly!  So happy to have finally figured this out, hopefully it's a huge boost to SM.

 

> > > > Hex just called, ready for pickup!

TBC on another day. 

 

 

 Dear Dave,

 

Horrific week, this week.  Monday we took Emma to the vet after a few bad days of her being very guarded and withdrawn.  She bounced back before the weekend, then seemed to feel sick again.  We got the horrible diagnosis of spleen cancer, with options that didnt really seem right or fair - testing and surgery.  

The prognosis was bad, and we left feeling horrible and sad, but at least she seemed ok, and we could have plenty of time to spoil and love her.  I was thinking we probably had until June?

Next few days were more regular with her.  We slowed her down and just loved on her, and she was stable and ok.

Then Wednesday night, at the studio, she really went downhill fast.  Unable to stand, and visibly in distress.  I feared the worst, think she had passed away.  I got her up and out of the studio, walking a bit, but she was not mobile again when we arrived at the car. 

Got her home, and spent the night by her side - looking for places to take her if she passed away overnight.  So scary and sad.  The morning came, we called the vet, and we put to sleep at 11:30, April 16, 2026.  She would have been 9 in June.

 

 

 Nice creative spirit settled in after paying bills yesterday.

Maybe not the top priority, but nice to find the spirit nonetheless!!

Making 11 x 14 prints on paper with new colorways / new ideas.  Everything looks fresh which is a good feeling.

Spent $170 on art supplies.  ugh.

Shoot, there was something else I was going to type about, but have zero memory.

 

ok Monday spent getting cards ready for SMUM and drawing a bit.  Time goes by fast, especially when I come in late for street cleaning/parking.  And factoring in the dog walks and gym.  

Gym paused for April, and probably beyond.  I only go to use the sauna/steam, and it's unappealing in the warmer months, especially when the days are so long.  I would rather enjoy the spring summer nights.  And it's gotten expensive, creeping up to $80+.  ugh

No cher tomorrow, and sweating out the change of month.  Big idea over the weekend was to purge the studio of crap.  

Really enjoyed my O St Studios visit.  Lots of fun to see where other artists work.  Made me realize I need to open my studio up!  Especially after I finally finally got the permit done.

Ok, time to go home to chicken. 

Another Friday night, wrapping the week.  Feel like it started better which is the usual thought.  Wednesday comes, and I'm scrambling to do what I need to so I can finish out the week.  Working with Cher on Tuesdays sets the week.

Next week will be no Cher, and start of April, which I always dread!  Studio rent rises, and taxes taxes taxes.  Makes me sick even typing that.  January is just a race to April.  I hate April.

Finished a few prints on paper, and got some totes made for SMW.  Managed to get there today so that was a plus.  Cold and rainy day with tourist swarms here to see the Cherry Blossoms.  Peak day, and it's raining.  Seems typical. 

After lots of hemming and hawing, which is super typical, I finally picked up the 2 screens from marketplace.  Not such a bad trek, and one had small tear so it was discounted $10.  I love A discount.  But they are so small!  I didn't realize.  Printed with them today, and plus and minuses.  Worse was the distance from the screen to the edge of the table.  I really have all set up for bigger screens.  We'll see... 

SMUM will have to wait for next week.  I'm planning to bring some big prints there, and somehow I'm dreading that too.  Everything is dread.

War rages in Iran, and I somehow managed to wrestle my attention from DR, AP, and Media-ite, which was quickly getting out of hand.  Headlines and comments were hooking me, and constant updates.  It really is addictive, but makes me CRAZED.  1 day sober.

Excited to go to O St Studios this Sunday.  I think (know) Hex will punk out.  But I'm interested. 

 

Feeling blah days.  I have these things that I HAVE to do that have stalled for weeks and I just need to get thought them to move beyond them!

Actually started an art supplies order online after hemming and hawing about making the purchase.  Spending any amount of $$ on anything is painful.  Especially when things I am buying have gone up so much in price, for nothing extra.  Nothing.  Paint used to coat wood knots has doubled.

Lots of printer trouble over the weekend led to hours spent this morning trying to troubleshoot, feeling defeated, and shopping for something newer.  But that led to all sorts of compatibly fears and uncertainty about what the fuck to get.  

I decided on a new version of what I already have (which is many years old), only to try once more with this one, and for some reason it worked.  It printed black again.  Problem solved, sort of.  I went through this a few weeks ago pretty much the same way, a miraculous fix.  Obviously the problem is bigger.

Cleaned screens, set up mini, made shirts, and set myself up to print Wednesday.  Tomorrow is Cher.  I record all these things because by Wednesday I will have NO IDEA what I did today.  Weeks go by like that.

 

Side note :  Terror over what this day / morning was to bring, only for the whole thing to deflate into a pile of nothing, and its JUST BIZARRE.  I mean it's a good thing, I don't want WW3, but makes me feel psycho.  And yes, I am back on my semi addiction of news / phone.  One day at a time. 

 

Ugh, made progress today / this week, but not enough as usual.

Making some fun prints with new color variations.  Hope they come out well.

Friday is here, and time to call it a night.  Gym > helping Hexy

 

Maybe I'll work tomorrow?? 

 

Wednesday is the new Monday these past few weeks as I go to Cher's on Tuesday, and the week resets.

Such a crazy run of days with weather - - Daylight Savings Time hit over the weekend, and the weather shifter WARM, so now in combination it's INSTAspring.  It's very displacing!  Shorts, AC, panting dogs, and Ice coffee.  Wacky (but welcomed) 

Today I got a huge chunk of cards ordered, and March Postcards as well.  trips to SM were helpful to pull it all together, but really I just needed a little bit of everything anyway. 

Feel a bit of frustration with SM GTOWN because I realized they had a lot of non-bday cards on display, which is what they asked for, but don't sell as well, AND the display is still off in no-man-land-closet.  So sales will suck (?). 

Ordered a lot of bday cards.

Cut a ton of wood Monday - the shelves I picked up weeks ago.  All worked out great - a perfect plan for free, interesting, wood.  Big expensive project now with lacquer, but we'll see how it goes.

 

I have been TERRIBLE in shifting my attention the the long-standing commission on my plate.  At this point it's criminal.  I should be in jail.

Got the match orders out, and saw a strange "call for entries" on IG Re: matchbooks.  I doubt anything will come of it, but maybe ??

Printed a nice version of the Eagle today on unpainted wood.  Came out just as hoped. 

So spent after a long afternoon of SM runs:  1st GTown then coffee with Hexy at Firehook, then short dog walk, then Metro>WHARF>METRO>um>METRO>dupont to help Hexy with trash, then back to the studio for the ladies walk.  Yikes, I am tired!!

Waiting on Hexy now to finish so we can all go home together.

Positive signs at GTOWN, but stupid cards are still stuck in the stupid closet.  And Wharf moved me around the corner as well.  Boo.  But always good to go and check in and touch mental base.

Week was oriented towards getting the prints done, and not much else.  I think back to individual days and draw a blank as to what I did.  Where did the time go??  Working with Cher breaks the week up nicely.  But still I came in Tuesday night as well, and I have no clue what I did.  Ugh. 

 

Weekend will be spent with a recovering Hex.  Hope all goes well at the dentist tomorrow, and getting back up to speed is much fasten than he is expecting.  I'm just glad It's Friday and I can enjoy the time off without guilt, except for needing to exercise the dogs well. 

Another Monday blog post.  We are now in March, and war with Iran started over the weekend.  I am furiously looking for updates.  I can't believe something so major is just met with a shrug.  SO CRAZY.  I don't know what else to say about it.

Weekend had great weather so we took advantage of it as much as we could.  Short walk with dogs out in the woods yesterday.  Still so apprehensive of letting them off-leash.  Hate that!  But good to let them out after weeks of cold weather.

Today back to snow which really sucks.  The wet stuff, but its still so damp and cold.

Plodding along with work.  Stickers came in and two had to be redone because of lines in the color.  I am waiting to see if they do the whole order, or just the two.  Fingers crossed!  Otherwise, I am really happy with them.  

Making prints on paper and wood right now. Slow-going as usual.  I need to bite the bullet and get more screens.  This is getting a little ridiculous working with just two.

Glad to be back on schedule with Cher.  Will be going there tomorrow.

FB Marketplace has SUCKED the past few weeks.  Cursed by the weather?  I D K 

Monday, and semi productive after big deadline last Friday.  Hexy away in LA, and I had Dr Office cleaning to do for him, and an artwork deadline for OD.  Got everything finished, and it was a big relief, but then I went straight into SLUG MODE.

Finally got Feb postcards out Saturday, and Sunday was a crappy cold rainy snowy day, so mostly stayed home.  Poor ladies were semi-neglected from their walks.  I did my best.

Anxious for warmer weather to finally arrive.  I am feeling so sick of being cold outside!!

Hex just landed, so it will be nice to get back into our couples routine again.  Working with Cher tomorrow, and I expect that to be controversial.  Hope not : /

Time to totally regroup, finish up a long overdue commission, and M O V E O N > > > > >

Lots of art to accomplish. 

 

Yikes, things can sure turn!

Last week slowly dissolved into sickness (again !!).  Caught a bad cold from Hex (again !!) and after Wednesday I was done coming to the studio.  Ugh, everything got put off, which really sucks.  Lost days drive me crazy.

Back this week, and it's not like I am working double time now.  I immediately shift back into my ho-hum pace, it's just that now everything is late, and behind.  

FINALLY got postcards ordered yesterday after psychosis over what design to use.  I was in knots with conflicting thoughts, and the ordering process made it even worse.  Finally chose a safe option that I could use for FH as well.  Next month, I need to do things differently.

I need to do everything differently.

Dropped prints at SM GTOWN today, and discouraged as usual over my card rack placement, and paltry shelf.  I really am shooting my self in the foot, over and over and over.  Like what I dropped, but just have to keep printing and stocking.  And dropping by there.  Jan sales were worst ever - just horrible.  I have to turn things around. 

Hex leaves for LA tomorrow, so hoping I can spend lots of time on things neglected.  WORK, DOGS, STUDIO, DAVE.  Fingers crossed to don't enter a catatonic state, stay in bed, and wait for him to return.