Monday, October 25, 2021

 Crabby monday working on a big awkward print that SHOULD be super easy, but I managed to fuck it up over and over.  Just a little overprint of blue ink on brown, and my whole afternoon spiraled into thoughts of quitting everything.  Not sure why my mental health is always on a razors edge, but it is.


Sorted it out the best I could, and waiting for a screen to dry to finish it all up.  6:17, so all I really want to do is go home (ugh, we walked)

Thought I was smart to get cheaper vellum at Michael's for printing positives, but sure enough, it doesn't print as well as the more expensive Office Depot brand.  Another fail.

 

Late October, and comparing myself to last year, I am behind.  


Friday, October 22, 2021

 yikes - few weeks without blogging.  

 

so bogged down (right on schedule) with work - taking me in every direction.  Prints, shirts cards, commissions, shows.  Everything is such a project with 15 steps, with few overlaps.  Taking one day at a time and trying to wade my way through.  

The worst part, the saddest part, is it's not earning me much money.  Few things I have already been paid for, and some I'm not getting paid enough for, and SM - I'm just so curious if it helps me at all.  


So full of angst this month and year over my business.  HOW TO MAKE MONEY?  What I am doing and know how to do is not working.  I tell myself this over and over and over, but then do the same thing.  Because its comfortable.  Or its all I know how to do.  Or am willing to do.  I refuse to push myself further into other ways.

It gets me down on myself. 

Wednesday, October 13, 2021


 

 Days go quick!

Working on all projects at same time, which is tough.  Lots of commission and order stuff to do, and it crashes with printing for shopmade inventory.  Cut a ton of wood, and primed and painted it all.  Thought I was all set yesterday, but this morning turned into round 2 as I realized I didn't have the right pieces for what I needed, and primer brush was out (they dry up almost instantly)


Anyway, a big job, but all got accomplished together, which s the right way.


Happy to go home and crash another night.  These days are taking a lot out of me. : /

Monday, October 11, 2021


 

 days weeks and weekends going by really fast.

Friday - worked on shirts for AOA, and got prints to Wharf / G Town.  Dumbarton with Emma

saturday - lazy morning, work a bit afternoon.  No great falls

sunday - brunch with B & L then rockville

Today - more shirts for AOA, and thats about it!  home Depot early to get wood for Dudes Print. 

This week - prints for ROOST, prints on paper for all, and commissions printing.  Lots to do!!

Thursday, October 7, 2021

wow - week went by fast.

 

Thursday today - my BDAY!  53

Busy making shirts today for all the orders that came at Art on the Ave.  Decided to take orders on the spot, and got a ton.  Shirts came in yesterday, and today I'm sorting out all the designs.

 

Also trying to make some prints for shop made.  I'm always at cross purposes!  Made some cool ones yesterday, only to be less into them today.  Always the way.  Flying machine syndrome.

 Off to lorial Plaza with Hexy for dinner.  Excited about that.

Tuesday, October 5, 2021


 

 Yikes,

 

Long time no blog!  

 

Busy few weeks.  Sick with kidney stone, then super busy trying to finish everything for Arts on the Ave.  A great day, and just what I needed to boost me into October and the holidays.  

 

Working hard on new prints for shopmade, new tees for the site, and commission stuff that was put off to get everything else complete.

 

Always hard to shift gears, but I have to.  Tomorrow wednesday already.  Yikes!!

Thursday, September 23, 2021


 

 Stress is coming in from every angle. 


one day at a time

worried about:

Rockville

Art on the Ave

Commission

xmas prep

$$$

Health

car

Emma appt

etc

Wednesday, September 22, 2021


 

Yesterday was crazy

BW Parkway > pain > college park parking lot > vomiting > Shoppers Food bathroom > writhing on bench in pain > 911 > ambulance > Doctors Hospital > recovery > scans and blood tests > Hex appears > discharge angst > bus ride(s) > walk back to car > drive home.

 Kidney stones are P A I N F U L.  I cannot believe how bad the pain was.  And then gone.  So lucky it wasn't something serious, but so bummed that I had to spend $$$$ and recover on my own.

 

Life goes on

Monday, September 20, 2021


 

 ups and downs.

saturday sale on sidewalk on 18th a TOTAL BUST!!  we were lazy, and it didn't work out - fantastically

back to center today, but ugh, feel overwhelmed and fearful over things - Rockville, schedule, responsibilities etc

 

stay positive (I try)

Thursday, September 16, 2021


 

Coffee with C this morning.  Of course, we overslept because I set the alarm to PM. 


Nice to be in Bethesda, and around bustling people.  DC ? Logan has a stale vibe.  i really enjoyed being in a different place.


Convo was fun but turned to branddave, and I felt muddled.  I can't even articulate what is going on.  C made lots of suggestions, but didn't feel traction on any direction she was pushing. \

Back at studio, and frustration with projects for XX.  Went on an angry rainy walk with Emma, and distilled my response, which made me feel much better and centered.  And really made me think of my frustrations with Adam.  An interesting thing.


Anyway, much darker much earlier.  Right on schedule.  Things picking up a bit, which is great.  Pixies tees running late, which S U C K S.

Wednesday, September 15, 2021


 

Listening to Bjork late in the day, and feeling unease.  Everything reminds me of something else, and it creates this nostalgia loop.  For some reason the past makes me sad rather than happy.  I think of lost times and lost people, and always think the grass was greener.  Happier, easier, simpler times, when the reality is, they were not.

 

These moments turn into precious little fragile eggs that I need to protect and ruminate over.  Anyway, Bjork brings me to this place.  Printing in the fall at the corcoran.  Late nights and driving home in the dark.

 

Greg visited today, and happily concurred with all the mental struggles 20 and 21 have brought.  Nice to hear him articulate his struggles, and feel like I'm not alone.  It's so hard to put my finger on, What am I feeling.  I mean, it is not uncommon to feel anxiety and fear PRE covid, just read this blog.  But all has been elevated and drawn out, and absorbing.  

Today I put my finger on it better: un safety.  Now we know that things can seriously fuck us up super quickly, and we are powerless.  The sense of well-being has diminished.  My confidence in a smooth future is shaken.  Even though we have suffered little on the outside, there is just this feeling, this shift.  It's mental of course, and it's omnipresent.  What does the future hold?

 

 

Tuesday, September 14, 2021