dear dave,

working hard -- drawing a lot of custom things.  Coming out good, but stressful!

Finally got prints and shirts out to Trohv takoma today.  A big undertaking pulling it all together.

Blah- I'm too anxious right now to write.  More tomorrow.

I just can't get enough...


ink
shirts
transfer paper
gas
munchies
change
plywood
screws
framing boards
hanging wire
envelopes
corcoran
newsprint
postcards
cards
time
sandpaper
cell phone juice




$


I'm always (always) ALWAYS, always running on empty.

dear dave,

Thanksgiving was nice -- quick run down --

Hex and I went to temple Garden in the morning, then trekked to leesburg.  Turkey done early, we all arrived late.

Great to see Sue and Carly.  So glad they made it.

ate and played chinese checkers with Jimmy and Matt (then chad). sudden death round with Hex.  (I won)

No Bud and Terry, so we stayed home later.  Thats the way it goes.  Things change.

-----

Rotten day yesterday (work-wise).  Better today.  Have so much to get done this week.  I'm overwhelmed.

Two things off my list today.  Thats good.  Tomorrow is another chance to improve.  I hope I do.

Hex & Remi (last year) No pies baked this year :(

dear dave,

there is something comforting about working late before a holiday (now).  I have the comfort of Hex, knowing I'll be with him tonight and through the holiday.  Life was so different before!

Not such a great week.  The weather held me down.  Made me lazy and unproductive.  Dark and cold and wet.  Not good.

The to do list never was really tended to.  Things got shirked off.  I'm not happy about that.

But oh well.  Spent some time with Jimmy this morning, making sweet rolls.  Surprisingly easy, just takes long to wait for the yeast to rise (twice).

We filled the time by cleaning out her fridge (which is on the fritz)  Thinking about the smell makes me gag.  It will stay with me.  Strange spoiled food + plastic smell.  Pickles, celery, apples, mayo.  Yuck!  I want to vomit now.  I wonder if reading this in the future will instantly bring it back.  I bet it will.

ANYWAY-- I'm off.  Back Friday.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Thanks to Jimmy for helping me make these today!

busy busy busy wasting time, doing this and that, making progress (?)

One step forward, 1 and a half backwards.

Anyway, pizza with Bill, but gym first.  Goodnight.

Shoot with Bobby today.  Really fun.  He is easy to be around, laid back, and looks great.  Clearly a keeper.  I expect I'll use him a lot going forward.

Worked at the corcoran in the morning -- on a sign for the studio entrance.  Worked out ok.  Nothing too exciting though.

Tomorrow is another print day, but I'm not prepared.  Somehow, tomorrow morning, I'll pull it together.

No more progress on XXXXX with XXXX.  Blah!

Bobby, today

dear Dave,

went through lots of pictures yesterday, sprucing up my site and thinking about the holidays.  Looking through all the underwear shots with Peter.  All the nudes.  Wish so badly I could use them somehow.  I really think they are great -- he's GREAT, but not for the site anymore.

I want a public place to put this stuff, but not on my site.  It's part of me, but not something I'm ready to show to EVERYBODY.  I always feel so stymied by this question.  Self satisfaction vs. public disclosure. looking back it's really hard to believe I included all those nudes with my prints at Artomatic.  That's not a choice I would make now.

Will I ever (again)?  I like to think so, because I know in my heart, that is my fuel.  Whatever public face I show, that stuff (male sexuality) is just below the surface.  It drives me hard, always has.  I need to accept that, and build on it.

XXXX hasn't XXXX which makes me so frustrated!  When I got his XXXXX, I was so excited!  But then, nothing.  Frustrating!

dear dave,

rocking out to Kelis, and missing my co-conspirator Erin.  all this music is so associated with her, sitting in the back-room of bsur, working and playing with her.  I miss her terribly right now!

Made some creative progress today, but most important, I feel my creative mojo!!  All I want to do is sit here at my computer and keep working!  But I cant (wHa- wha)

I need to get home and tend to Remi and Hexy.

----
Had a mini breakdown last night, but I seem to have gotten over it.  That's how breakdowns are for me (VERY luckily)

I found my way. (?)

Adrien France by Duane Nasis

via VGLMEN.BLOGSPOT.COM

want to keep working, but have to leave the studio, and move on to the other activities of the night!

Good day overall.  Happy to be making progress on illustrations for speakeasy.  Once I get over the hump of working on them, ideas tend to come.  I LOVE that feeling.  Flow.  When it happens, it's invigorating.  What I live for.  When it doesn't, I want to die.

so dramatic!

dear dave,

scattered end of the day, but things worked out.  Printing angst always trips me up.

Fantasy:  Prepared with new print.  Wood boards painted, positives made, excited, new, prepared, there.
Reality:  Unprepared!  Can't decide what to print.  Wood boards (wet) on the studio floor.  Half ideas.  Positives printed, but need to be all put together.  Unsure!  Frustrated, late.

I had a bunch of things to get done before going, which I guess I should be happy about finishing.  But then it gets late.  Im not sure about what I'm printing.  My screens are a mess. and it just gets later.

The new sign was tripping me up, so I tossed it aside.

ANYWAY, I decided to go, not go at least three times.  Finally, somehow I was in my car, driving there.

Finished my saturday print, cleaned my horrible screens, and got back to the studio in record time.  I'm glad I did it all.

NOW - off to gym then whitlows.

Good night

saturday printing

finally got branches 2 hung. Louise was thrilled

dear dave,

feeling a little more on track today, after a foggy couple of days.  Happy for the change.

Shoot yesterday with Patrick probably has something to do with it.  Makes me feel creative.  Gives me some juice.

Planned on shoot with Dave K today, but it got rainy so we rescheduled.  Bobby planned for tomorrow, which is good.  Anxious to soup up website in prep for D&R and holidays.

Good news from trohv also put a little bounce in my step.  Always nice to be selling.

patrick, today

dear dave,

I miss my blog.  It's like an old neglected friend.

Today I took some time to spruce it up a bit, or change things around.  I'm happy with the result.

It's funny, I've tried many times to change up the top, the header text.  I try a million tweaks, but always return to the original.  It feels most comfortable.  Looks best with the rest.  So I keep it.

I've been allllllllll over the place today, in my head.  I have zero focus.  All I can think about is time passing, and how I'm not doing the right thing.  I'm not doing what I'm supposed to be doing.  I feel rotten about it.  Beat myself up.  And continue.  It sucks, but I'm stuck.

I've been feeling stuck for awhile now.  Everything always feels ahead or behind.  I'm not in the right time or place.  I feel displaced.

I was thinking the daylight savings delay (a week plus late this year?) would right me, and it has a little bit. The time matches the day a little more.

Speakeasy event tonight.  I need to stay positive, or I'll tank.

more tomorrow.

Dear Dave,

Sitting in my parked car, kind of pinned in by whizzing traffic. Behind me, a blah day, mostly spent at the studio, trying to work up something (drawing + enthusiasm) to print. The hours went by, I did a few non pressing things, and just generally struggled.

Last hour I decided to wing it. Wrapped up, drive to corcoran, and managed to make a quick print I'm kind of happy with.

Now, before me, is the gym. A short walk up the hill, but again, I'm so uninspired to go!

But I know I must, I have to. So I will.

Typical Monday. Very typical!

more of the same!

good day, busy & productive

feeling blue in the morning, but things turned around nicely.

now- gym then hex.

goodluck tomorrow!

branddave.com website work today!

holiday cards up!

New prints photographed added and reformatted!

that's a lot - my eyes are bugging

gym/pizza/bed.

goodnight

bummer - cards in, and I'm not happy with the printing.  Blah - I hate when this happens!

another productive day.  Don't have much to say about it though.  Guess I'm just focused on this now.

rats.

dear dave,

I've noticed i'm really stinky lately.  Either time to throw out my t-shirts, or I'm just more nervous.  Probably both.

Productive day - but more to do.  I'm sweating over this promotion material I need to finish.  I don't know how to start, and it needs to get out tomorrow or thursday (now I'm sweating more!)  Blah!

Yesterday printing was kind of a bust.  This whole Fall has been that way.  I'm anxious to turn things around.

Hmmm, not much more to say.  Need to get going (to gym)

over and out