Eric - photoshoot last wednesday. What a great guy. 100%

I'm thankful for

health
hex
mom & dad
sue

remi

freedom

hex

cliffkimcorderinmichaeljaytommerbarbcherlbillrichell

creativity
tivo

excedrine
coffee

savings

hex

tick tick tick

the clock is ticking until the corcoran closes for the semester. It's really crazy how slavish I am to this studio. All my time and emotions are wrapped up in using the studio wisely. The slightest waste sends me into a pit of despair and regret. Im constantly trying (and failing) to efficiently use my time here.

It's really hard, because printing requires a lot of prep. Actually its really hard because I hate planning. I like to come up with prints in the moment, which leads to some downtime working out the next print.

I've been stressing about an upcoming show at Axis with Joe. It's a big project, opening early Feb. No problem except the corcoran closes for most of January, starting late December. It will be impossible to get a lot done between those times, so this is really my chance to move along.

that collides with my insane ability to procrastinate, and work spur of the moment.

I think I may have come up with a solution, driving into the studio today. We'll see if it pans out.

Hopefully

Fingers crossed

dear dave,

I'm back at the corcoran, waiting to use the light table. Finally finishing up the branch birds print. Looking at it just now, i realized the birds to berries proportions are off a bit. those are some big berries, or little birds.

Saturday and Sunday was spent in front of the tv, catching up on Dexter season 4.

After we finished watching 8 episodes, Hex and I were bleary eyed, and kind of mentally sick. It was only 8pm, cold and dark outside, and Sunday. Blah.

Somehow we managed to get through the few dead hours before bed, waking up to a fresh new week.

Hopefully, I can be super duper productive. So far so....ok.

dear dave,

I'm here at the studio with Remi and feeling very unsettled about it. Very Very gloomy day-after-Thanksgiving, and just feels like I should be someplace else doing something else.

Revised the cardinal, and think it's much better.

Maybe best to go home, curl up, and enjoy the day off!

dear dave,

fun day shooting pictures of Eric. A great guy. Really fun to be with.

I'm really happy with a few of the pictures. I got what I wanted.

Here late. Thanksgiving tomorrow. It's always kind of fun to work up to the holiday. Everybody is away, and I'm on my own schedule. I enjoy it.

Plans tomorrow to spend the day with Mom & Dad, then Bud & Terry's for games later with the whole gang. Looking forward to the holiday,and all the fixins.

Back to work Friday. I have a lot on my plate.

dear dave,

what a crazy unexpected difficult couple of days at the corcoran!

This "birds on a branch" print is rough! Yesterday I took forever to print the branches. Everything went wrong over and over. All I wanted for myself was to have two panels, branches printed well. 3 hours later I had this accomplished. But it seriously should have taken me 1.

I mixed my colors, and set myself up for today--an early start and an all day session.

I got in this morning, made my screens, then failed. I decided quickly to just break the 2 prints up. Do one complete print, then go to the next with new screens. It was a great decision, allowing me to move much quicker without constant clean up and dry time.

Anyway, the first print turned out like crap. I printed all the bottom layers (great), then moved on to the black outlines.

At this point the entire print is at stake. There is no recovery. I was soooooo careful, but of course the ink blobbed and smeared. I fixed it a bit, unhappy, but not crushed. I moved on to the next bird, and it came out even worse.

Ok - still in the game. I tried hard to stay cheerful. But all was lost! I printed the last bird, reprinted the middle bird, but it was all long gone. (Not sure why I'm going into all this detail about all this, but I am)

LUCKILY - I moved on to the second print (determined!), and it worked out well. I decided to skip printing the cardinal for today, and try redrawing it. That was a great choice, and probably would have saved the first print.

At this point its 4pm. My hands are covered in ink, I clean up, put everything away, and make plans for Monday. Then very happily I realize I have a third version I started Saturday, and scraped early monday.  With just a little effort I realize I can get this all finished too, and I have the extra screen ready to go.

I rallied (turkey and swiss form starbucks & diet coke) and went for it. And very happily it all worked out.  Maybe I learned from my 1,000 mistakes?

So it's 5:47 tuesday. I have two great prints 80% done, and a few days off. Won't be back to printing until Monday.

What a road!

image: beautiful body/beautiful photograph copied from a magazine saturday

dear dave,

I had a chance to look back at past November entries yesterday, and was struck at the decline in my optimism. I was so excited about my creative rebirth, and looking forward to the future. I have a much different mindset lately. I prefer the old me.

Had a really rough time with my new prints on Saturday. Screens didn't work out so well, and then when I finally was printing, my registrations were way off. I am printing an edition of 4, and it requires a lot more care.

Finally I just had to give up, call it a day, and go home. I hadn't set it up properly, and there was really no way to recover. So now in about a half an hour Im going back to try again.

Friday night opening was rough for a few reasons. I felt very disengaged with the show, and was freaked out about the whole issue with j. I left early to join Hex, and that turned out to be the wrong choice. All I ended up feeling was regret for not having put forth a little more effort. The bad feelings lingered into Sunday. These things have a way of staying with me.

It's a new week, and a new day. This morning I finally squared my LLC issues (as best I could) and so I feel a weight off my shoulders.

I've been so conflicted and frustrated and mucked up. I keep hoping that the path will clear up, and I'll feel more confident about where I stand.

The optimism is still there, just diluted a bit.

dear dave,

this picture was taken a few years ago, on a late afternoon walk with Rem in Rock Creek.

Feels like daylight is so precious now. The days are so short. At around 4 all I want to do is gather my things and head home for the night. Eat and curl up. Hex and I have been watching tv in bed, nesting. It feels cozy...but I hate the hibernation instinct this time of year. I want more day!

Time flies by. Sure I don't always use it well, but come on. It's not like I'm talking on the phone and surfing the web all day. I just can't believe how little time I feel like I have.

The problem is that I constantly underestimate how much time anything is going to take. I think I can just whip over to home depot, get wood (cut), come back to my studio, paint it, print out positives, and get to the corcoran to start printing by 11. Well it's already 1:22, and I'm just finishing the painting.

Anyway, new print is cool. Im excited about it. Putting down the monsters for a bit. (wish I could do 3 things at the same time)

Started to stress out about my February show with Joe. Factoring the semester break, that is practically 3 weeks away. I need to bust ass.

I HATE blogger
I HATE blogger
I HATE blogger

It's impossible to format photos anymore.  I really really hate it.

Today and yesterday flew by.  I have NO control.  I didn't get much done.  I'm feeling lost/frustrated/responsible.  It's all my fault.

I drew a bit.  Remixed my website.  So sad about daily candy, and not being linked to my name.  A good lesson for the future I guess.  But there really was no way to prevent or control.

Working on new print.  Feeling frustrated by my whole convoluted process.  Yet in the end, it takes the same steps.  Why do I mess it up then (timewise).  Because somehow I'm programed to.

Waiting to bring another print up to Loft Gallery.  Im there, caramel, Hounshell, Easel, 4903 and Red Tree.  Something has to pan out!

quick post:

good day.  Had fun drawing (again).  I didn't follow through with my plan to play.  Just wasnt in the cards. Maybe tomorrow.  Probably not.

must leave to meet up with Hexy.

Tomorrow!

dear dave,

Another good day printing.  Finished my monster print as expected.  Took my time with it, so I would have no regrets.  ended up with just one (pink claws).

Cozy day, and I'm in the little computer lab/closet under the stairs (at the corcoran).  I love this little nook.  It makes me feel so secure and comfortable.  People walk by, but I'm protected.

Tomorrow is (may be) my creative day.  A chance to feel care free and play.  I've been thinking about it.  If it's sunny, I'm doing it!

Sales picking up.  Thats a good thing!

dear dave,

MONDAY!

A fresh page to write on.

Monster print angst continues. Pointed my car to home depot this morning to get more wood, only to turn towards the studio, thinking twice about it.

I guess the story of the past year is self doubt. Instead of doing something full force, I'm just softly moving forward (sideways and upside down). I'm viewing everything as a complication. A million if/then's. I wish I could stop this!

Happiness is an option. Go with what you know, and stick with it.

------

Yesterday was sunny and gorgeous. Driving with Tom to Ellen's yesterday, I was inspired to take a day off. A creative mental health day. Where I let myself be free to just enjoy what is around me. Soak up the inspiration. Go to a new place and do a new thing.

I've been driving my brain hard the past few months. Down on myself for my lack of progress/motivation/skill/endurance. I want to let go of that and enjoy where I am.  I really have it made.  I need to luxuriate in that for a bit, and smile, and see that everything is good, and the future is bright. Brighter then I realize.

You're making more progress then you think

dear dave,

its 2 on saturday, and Im waiting to make my last screen. today has been all about prep. Not much printing goin on!

Decided to do a fun print with some monsters i drew a few years ago. i think it's going to come out really great, but I only have one piece of wood, and Im wishing it was a bit bigger


(this is as far as I got on this post. finished up screens, and my computer was being used, so I drafted it and took off. Figured it was worth posting anyway)

dear dave,

It's so nice and warm. Hex and I just had coffee in middle of the day, then I went to the post office to mail shirts. Weird day. It's not so productive. More lazy and slow.

Wish I had my sh*t together to shoot pictures, because it's warm and sunny, and I feel inspired. But I don't, so I didn't.

Thinking about whats next, and how to use my time wisely. A lot of big stuff is behind me. I was working so hard on getting all my print inventory together, then set-up for the open studios. Now there is this lull, and I'm trying to figure out what is best.

Not enough time to launch christmas cards, but I want to. Not enough time to get the fabric printed, but I want to do that too.

Probably best to get through some of the nagging stuff that I have been avoiding. It's always there, taunting me.

I've had my playtime. Now back to work.

dear dave,

another busy day. they get filled fast. Went up to Baltimore to drop more prints off to Red Tree. Came home and got my car washed (sparkly!). Then photographed another chunk of prints for the site. All that took all day.

My car got was covered with bird sh*t last friday at cord's house. Nice to have it all cleaned up after a week of driving it super dirty.

Glad to get more up to Red Tree. That store is really unbelievable. Chock full of great stuff. They were preparing the store for Christmas and it looked awesome. Again - soooo glad to be there.

Happy to have made some progress updating my print pages. Fun to shoot again. It's been awhile since I've used my camera. Peter and Dave K have been on hold - because of weather and lack of stuff to shoot, and $. It was getting expensive paying them regularly. Hopefully money well invested. I'm sure of it.

Time to get home and let Remi out. And see my wonderful hexy. Tomorrow is another print day. Focus now is on smaller prints....

goodnight.

dear dave,

It's already wednesday.  Time goes by fast.

Spent most of the day yesterday at the corcoran printing.  Felt a little muddled about what to print.  Where to go.  I ended up choosing the fun option, and like it ok.  I want to draw more.  I think that will help me come up with some fresh new material.  I'm feeling a little stale.  Or one-dimensional.  Hmmmm

Today is busy making shirts and finishing a few prints for Red Tree trip tomorrow.  And paperwork.  Im swamped with paperwork.

Glee last night was great.  I'm tempted to buy the one song that I loved, but I think it may be more that I just loved seeing the dance that went along with it.  Such a wonderful gay moment.  Boys!

Dear Dave,

The past few days were a whirlwind of fun and excitement -- meeting new people, seeing old friends, and sharing my work.

Friday was spent getting all the little things done at the studio, then I went up to Red Tree for their first friday event.  It was so cool to be there.  I had a great time with Courtney, Piper & CJ, and I was really excited to see all the prints I had dropped off up, looking terrific.  I can't say enough great things about Red Tree.  I am SO excited to be there, and think it's such a great for my work.

We had our open studios this weekend.  Lots of new people came through, and it was really fun to have that energy in the studio.  Everything looked really good, and I was super happy to meet new fans and have my work o-u-t.

Late friday Hex came through (for his VIP preview) and "strongly" suggested I have more prints out.  That turned out to be sage advice, because much of what I added were really well received. (thanks hex).

-------

New energy!  That is what I really needed, and hope it lingers.  The next few weeks will be really important in developing my business.  I feel it.

dear dave,

I've been busy the past few days focused on pulling together work to show at our Mid City Artists Open Studios weekend.

Tuesday was my last day to print, and I was really ambitious.  I drilled thru it like a champion, pretty much getting everything done that I had planned for.  I was SO efficient.  Print, clean, NEXT!  It was impressive.

THen yesterday I had to finish them all up at the studio with frames etc.  A smallish job that took most of the day.  I was lagging.

Today I'm planning to hang it all, and prepare the studio.  Then shirts.

Tomorrow is my flex day, to get all the details done.

TW  & BD traffic WAY done.  I don't know what I'm doing wrong.  I guess I will focus on it next week.

Blah!

WOW Ive been bad!

It's been too long since my last confession.

It was a busy and frustrating roller coaster of a weekend.  My mood has been allllll over the place.  I had a  lot to do, and didn't really have the juice to do it.

I'm happy it's in the past.  THings feel more resolved with a certain someone, and I made the delivery to Red Tree this morning.  Glad to have that accomplished!  I spent a major amount of time puling it together, and worrying about all the logistics and decisions associated with it.  It's done!

THis week I will sort of shift gears and prepare for our open studios.  I have a few more days to print, but mostly just need to pull my space together, and get t-shirts made.  I want to feel prepared!

I seem to have an endless list of things to do with deadlines.  I really don't know how I have become this uptight, stressed out person.  It's not what I want, so I need to make some (more) changes.