Today first day to breath after some stressful ones.

Monday was spent taking Jimmy to dentist again.  Also got some shoes! Hope they heal my f'd up foot!

Tuesday spent worrying and prepping for DACHA event, which turned into a total bust.  I bailed at about 6:30 after standing there for hours with ZERO interaction or interest.  OMG it was so demoralizing.  Makes me want to pack up my knives and leave the show!  Branddave over!  It was just terrible.  I stood there, melting in the heat and embarrassment, and plotted my escape (we were supposed to stay until 10)  Finally I just packed up, and took my boxes thru the bar, and loaded the car, one by one.  LIBERATION!  Of course, I worried it was the wrong choice.  But I just could not stay.  Thank God I never paid the fee to participate.  It just wasn't a selling opportunity.

So thats 2 major busts this month with selling shirts and events.  What a mess.

Today I regrouped, and made shirts / print for orders.  Tomorrow July 1.  U G H ! ! ! ! !

It sucks how a few down days can alter your sense of well-being.  Its just a mood, a phase, but it becomes consuming, and it's hard to escape negative thinking.

Its hot and steamy, and hex is off doing his thing.  Emma needs to get out and run, and I SHOULD be having this infamous sidewalk sale.  

And yet, Im not.

 

 And so it goes.

Haha, up and down day.  Felt kind of isolated and blah.  Nice coffee with hex in the morning, but felt myself drifting and aimless as the day went on.  Needed some social time with somebody.

Worked on finishing prints and framing.  Lots of framing, and then staining.  Weatherizing "Diversity" went well too.  Glad about that.

Got my giclee prints in, and like them.  But where do they go?  Again, aimless.

 

Walking up Q street, and thought about Scott, and all the other people that have come and gone.  Doing swish edition, and caramel with Sarah, and Avenue Jack with Supon.  Made me all nostalgic and regretful.  Time has really gone by.

 

 Ha - trying to be creative, but it just comes off as random (which I like) but doubt.

Anyway, ok day.  Printed most the day for orders, and some shirts for upcoming sale.  Nice to be creative again, but I can NEVER find the shirt groove.  It's always just o f f - with the shirt, the color, the design.  Things just never click together perfect, where I'm 100% confident, this is great.  Oh well.

Getting late, and I'm always late.  need to just leave for the night.  There is always tomorrow.

 

 weekend went well.

Had a fun time with Bill and Lee saturday, then a grueling dinner with Marshall and Rhodsa that night.  A long drawn out evening that drained me.

Rockville celebration Sunday early, then the day was lost to emotional exhaustion (after out grand discussion).  All went according to plan, but was still painful.

Super super hot days ahead.  Productive day today (for a monday).  Finished Diversity reprint, and onto the other orders.  Ups and down on shirts.  Of course no sidewalk sale over the weekend.  Of course.

 

 A more productive day at the studio printing celebrate diversity.  If I have my sh*t completely together I would be done, but instead I have it all ready, with the black screen made and drying, and I'm planning to leave soon.  ahh, just saw that It's still kind of early, so maybe I will try to finish it afterall.

Uncomfortable weekend coming up with parents and longer term plans.  I'm not looking forward.

And the dreaded sidewalk sale!!  I wonder if that will ever happen!

 Kind of a lost day:  waiting for ALPHA order to arrive so i could make shirts, then clean screens and proceed.  Well, shirts came in, but the ones I needed for the screens were wrong, of course, so all was lost.

Made screens for next prints in line, and some cicada tees, then (blah).  It's now late in the day, and I am going to a happy hour with shopmade that is a ways away, and I feel l o s t.  Low energy, low motivation.

must

rally.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO EMMA!  I can't believe she is 4.  ugh!

 

End of wednesday.  Guess I forgot to write yesterday.  i had a late foray into Georgetown to drop shirts at the new ShopMade, and then decided to walk around.

It was a transcendent moment.  Felt so good and right being there.  Great weather. Light traffic.  interesting people all around.  Ventured down to Urban Outfitters, and my whole body tingled being inside downstairs.  Like I had returned to H O M E.  Like an out of battery phone being plugged in for the first time in months.  

 Everything I saw and felt was electric.  It was weird.  All these feelings rushed around.  Memories of Sean at the back door.  Wasting time from BSUR.  Trying on clothes.  Buying shoes.  I don't even know how to express it here, but I just felt so invigorated.  By a store!  I felt amazing.  So funny.

I soaked up as much good feelings as I could, then back to my car way up the street.  Got the shirts there, which was a major task on my list, and then today had the 6 micros to finally complete, after weeks and weeks of putting on the back burner.  Happy with the final result.  Was a puzzle getting it all sorted out.  Fingers crossed he likes them all.  Its so hard drawing people!

Tomorrow I shift back into other things.  $$$ is still very elusive.  It scares me every day.

 

 Weekend ok :

No sidewalk sale saturday, but we enjoyed the faux pride march.  then a good time with Emma in great Falls.

Brunch sunday with B & L, and rockville.

Dentist for Jimmy today, which gave me waves of intense anxiety.  All worked out ok, then back to studio to get as much done as I could with rest of day.

Rough times, but I keep trying to stay positive and move forward.  

 

Working on tees for ShopMade g-town (new location yet again) and micros that I have had way too much time to complete.  FINGERS CROSSED I can make major progress on them tomorrow.

 

 Messy day with yesterday messing me up.  Cleanup day with orders and tees and cards.  Rainy outside, so we will get wet walking home.

Everything feels flat.  I have little bits and pieces to put together everywhere, but in the grand scheme of things, they don't add up to much.  I guess the best path is forward, following thru, and seeing where it gets me.

What was I saying a few days ago??  There is a positive path forward, I just need to find it.

 

Busy last few days finishing up the large mural print, and today was fast finally finally finishing it and bringing it out to VA.

 

Not so productive afterwards, which kind of sucks. 

 So incredibly relieved the large metal print arrived and looks great.

oh well - tomorrow is another day!

home to chicken and relaxation.

 Another Monday and there is light at the end of the tunnel for these giant prints.  Major progress today, and happy to see the end is near.  It is past the point where I am basically paying to make them, because I've spent so much time on them.  I need to rethink how I price things - these special projects always come back to bite me in the ass.

Super Super hot weather.  Typical for June,and reminds me of all the pride festivals and parades, and standing out in the street roasting.  there is no escaping the sun.  THANK GOD I have good AC at the studio.

Ok weekend, spent cleaning the Dr office for Hex saturday, and then not doing the "garage sale" event Sunday, after prepping for it.  I was at the studio instead, working on this print, and managed to clean up some.  Spent hours in Rockville prepping food and making dinner.  Lots and lots to do there, but I never feel like Ive done enough.  The need in bottomless.

 

 HA, guess I forgot to write yesterday.

Bogged down with big project, then got sidelined with tees for wharf.  So today, after s long morning with Bill and Anne at Glenstone, I finished the tees, and metro'd them over.

And now I am TIRED!  and hot.

Glenstone was really great, but the vibe was really culty, and we didn't work thru it right.  We started with the cafe, which was so funny and spare, and expensive!

Then and comprehensive exhibit of Faith Ringgold work just sapped all our emotional strength.  I wanted to walk around more, but we had already spent hours, so we went thru the main gallery, and towards the end, there it was a Basquiat.  Simply amazing.  I can't believe I've never seen one in person.  Really really amazing, and the highlight of the whole morning.

We ate lunch at Safeway, and I got chicken, and reminded me of all my press checks at G&G, and that yummy chicken I would get for lunch.

A very very hot ride home, then work.

OK - big weekend with cleaning for hex, and the Flea Market Sunday.  High hopes for that, at least that I get rid of lots of tees that have lingered in my bins.  FINGERS CROSSED.

 

ok day

 

mentally better then yesterday - made some big strides on large print, and O R D E R E D metal version after getting the refund on the last after all.  What a hump to get over.

 

Hex off to RI, so Im on my own.  Really strange.

 

Emma SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO anxious to leave, so I'll leave it here - until tomorrow

 

First day of new month which brings crippling anxiety over rents and money and balances and the state of Branddave.  I don't know why this year is so fraught.  I mean it's always a concern when you work for yourself, but my confidence has shattered, and I just feel like every month is a cliff I'm jumping off, over and over. 

Insomnia struck last night, and I told myself : there is a path forward, you just need to find it.  I've always lived according to this idea, but this year, it's been tough.  I just don't know why - there is much more potential than last.  I guess my safety net is dwindling, and that is what has got me really rattled.  

My design where the two dogs are in rising water, and one says: is the water rising?  And the other says, or are we sinking?  That is Dave exactly.  I feel like both are happening to me at the same time.  Where will all the $ come from to support myself?  there is a path forward, I just need to find it.

- - - - 

Lots of frustration at the end of last week about the bent up sign, and how to proceed.  Luckily my credit came thru, and I guess I just need to hope and pray the full size one comes out well.  I'm terrified to spend the $, and then to have it somehow damaged or disappointing.  The classic fear: so I stall.  As Jeanette would say, its not going to be any easier tomorrow!

Anyway, working s l o w l y on printing the full size, and need to push thru this short week to get a lot done.  Ugh - but it's all stuff I've either already been paid for, won't be paid for, or potentially could be paid for.

THERE IS A PATH FORWARD, YOU JUST NEED TO FIND IT.