dear dave,

Last year I wrote 2009 highlight list, and thought I'd do the same for 2010.

It was a rough year - not really what I expected.  Looking back I can definitely see growth and expansion, but it was hard to feel like I was progressing.  Maybe I'm just going in too many directions.

All the potential is still there.  I just need to focus on harnessing it better.  more effectively.

Anyway, here's to 2010.  Another year....

Studio - In January I moved my studio from Tenley to Logan Circle.  I really miss the amazing old neighborhood, and Fort Reno, but my studio is much better, and everything is so much more convenient.  I remember scrapping and scrapping the walls and window before painting.  Our big debut was the MCA open studios in April.

Valentines - Mid January I got the idea to make valentines, so I rushed them thru so I would have them in time.  I was pretty happy with the result, and reaction.  Plan to do more with cards in 2011.

March was spent mostly temping at Price Medical, but I managed to print two large Gaggle pieces, commissioned by Barb for her sitting room in the DC Design House.  They turned out really really great - and were easier to print then I thought they would be.  Happy to say I sold them both - my most expensive prints.

After a few solid months of snow and winter and cold weather and temping and moving,  I got together with Dave again to shoot new shirts.  Started to use the tri-blends, which I still really really like.  And I always love taking pictures of Dave.

My vision for the new studio always involved having a tall, maxed out work table along the long wall.  It took a few months and some false starts with hired help, but Hex and I managed to make it a reality after a solid weekend of work.  I really love it! And its so sturdy!  Just want I had envisioned.

After a mini-gig at my old studio space, Tom and I hooked up and made plans for working together.  What a great guy, and super talented.  I feel really lucky/happy/honored to be working with him.  Just before he left on his country-wide spring tour I hooked him up with a bunch of t-shirts to wear on-stage. In a few weeks I'll be working on his Spring 2011 collection.

These branches prints were so hard to accomplish.  I had a few false starts, trouble with warped boards, redo's, paint-overs, and messed up flowers.  But in the end I was really happy with them - and think they are super unique.  Happy I stuck with them.

Dave K was busy with school, and Peter just seemed to appear, so we started to get together regularly to shoot new shirts, and eventually underwear.  Peter is a lot of fun, and super easy to work with.  Always on time, and always in a good mood.  And above all - really open.  Shooting the nude pictures with him at Rock Creek, and then eventually all the briefs was sooooo much fun.  a definite highlight of the year!  I don't think I would have ever launched Tightewhities if I hadn't found him.

I am on constant look out for scrap wood, and found this piece just outside Distinctive Lifestyles.  The drawing came much later, but felt like an instant hit.

I was busy late summer getting ready for shows at Caramel and Mid-City Caffe, and launching the underwear site.  This print came somewhere in the middle of all that.

Funny because later in the year it seemed to really apply with an old relationship of mine.  I quickly realized he got the wrong message, and that I felt very differently now.   We really were over.  period.

Most of the fall was spent building up inventory for Red Tree.  The wall of prints looked great.  A culmination of a lot of work.  Years of work.  I have big hopes to continue on with them now that Nov/Dec is over.  Fingers crossed!

December was ok.  I was busy making prints and finishing out the studio year at the Corcoran.  I'm really happy with my last few prints of the year.  Hopefully they will push me forward into 2011!

dear dave,

struggling to draw the past few days - It's been a little frustrating.  It's cold outside, not much going on because of the holidays.  Feels like no man's land.  We have been cooped up at home, cold, eating, and watching nothing tv.

I'm ready for a change.

dear dave,

not so creative! Blah

dear dave,

UPS screws up, so I was screwed up today. Frustrating, but I overcame it.

super windy day, but we managed to miss the huge snowstorm that was expected. I was glad.

Feeling cabin fever. The days are short, it's cold out, and I just want to feel busy and productive. I'm trying, just like I'm trying to not eat 1,000 christmas cookies. One is never enough.

Now that monday is over, and christmas is over, tomorrow should be a little better. Im planning to make major progress on a few projects.

dear dave,

A quick stop in the studio, then off to Rock Creek with Remi for a run. She needs it, and I need it. I'm constantly feeling the urge to regroup.

It's been an up and down week. Holidays can be tough emotionally.

Yesterday I was off shopping, and visiting my parents. I stopped in Clydes for a gift card, and was so absorbed into the atmosphere. I just wanted to drop everything, and settle in for a cozy romantic lunch with Hexy. I got so caught up in it.

I went back through the restaurant, out the door, and back into the cold bright reality. It was the middle of the day, cold outside, I was in the middle of errands, and I had to return to them.

I've been getting bogged down in emotions lately. I keep letting my feelings about doing things get in the way of actually doing them. I see that and want to change it.

----

All my work is done. Everybody has left the studio for home. The Corcoran is closed. For the next few days I'm just going to chill out, and let my mind wander.

Merry Christmas

dear dave,

blogger has fixed itself!! I don't know what happened, but I can now, finally, upload pictures like I always did. Hallelujah!

productive / non productive day. I don't have much to show for my morning (besides a cleaned up computer and studio), but I really enjoyed my afternoon with Barb, talking about her new project. Really excited that she liked my work.

Now it's 5, and I feel like I need to do something more then just surf around, so I think I'll draw a bit.

over and out

ps - the holiday blahs are already starting. Seems like the world is winding down. boo.

blog slacker!

I started a post saturday, but quickly ran out of time so I "drafted" it. Thinking I would get back to that one, I put off any others.

Anyway-- saturday was the last print day till late January, and I felt like I made the most of it. I finished print for Sui, and cleaned my screens.

Happy to have that pressure off for a bit. I've been drawing the past few days, and feel like I'm in a haze. The days go by sooo fast. I'm not really sure if I'm making progress, but I have the gumption to keep going, which is a good thing. I really feel like the days have dissolved.

Maybe because it gets dark at 4.

Using the next few weeks to catch up. Clean and organize, and plan for the future (hopefully)

and of course slack....

dear dave,

busy day - all accomplished! Now home...

image: 4903 pegboard

dear dave,

the days just get shorter and shorter.  It feels so dark.

busy day yesterday with hex, decorating two christmas trees.  all turned out great.  We decided to stay at Jimmy's for chinese.  Hex slept on the living room couch while I ventured out with Remi down Tilden lane, past "Little China" to Far East, to pick up the take out.

I was flooded with so many memories as I drove - it was overwhelming.  All the trips up and down that road.  Biking to junior high.  Busing to Woodward.  Going to Team.  Driving to my job at video village in college.  High School.  7-11 with MaryEllen.  Crown books/bear pond just before Irene visited.  Picking up Courtney afterwork to go to Great Falls.  Trips to the printer for bsur.

All the people that have come and gone out of my life.  It was like a flood of feelings, all mixed up.  I felt so sad, but I'm not sure why.  Memories always make me feel this way.  I get so nostalgic.  All I want is to relive those moments again.

I've been stuck on this memory lane for a while. So many things keep triggering:  Music, weather, smells, cookies, ornaments, pictures, roads, movies.

I keep thinking about it all.

listening to Peter Gabriel, remembering Irene and her being sick, and working on my mobile.  Sweet sad memories.

Long ago.

dear dave,

I have a new spiral notebook!  Always exciting to open the first new page.  I'm big into fresh starts!

Busy weekend leaves me feeling lazy.  Saturday I struggled with my print, and pushed to get everything packed up for Sunday.

Sunday morning was dark and rainy, but Hex and I rallied and got to Tenley early, and easily set up my space for the show.  I was really happy with all my work.  The prints, the t's -- looked solid to me.  Something to smile about.

Show was nice.  Sold lots of shirts, which is always good.  They make great gifts.  People are always so excited to look through them.  I think having lots to look through is always a plus.

Brought everything back last night, and unpacked this morning.  I'm feeling lazy, but need to rally.

Another print afternoon.  I need to make the most of it!

back at the corcoran.

Last year at this time I was struggling to print a movie camera for Alison. No matter how hard I tried, the ink just wouldn't lay on the wood well.

Same story today! I'm reprinting "Nobody was fooled". Two prints. I tried to print the dog (body) over and over and over. It just wouldn't work. How strange.

It's soooooo hard doing reprints. I can never make a carbon copy, no matter how careful and patient I try. Today was no exception. Luckily I have some more time to work on it this week.

Tomorrow is a mini Holiday show at 4903. I'm looking forward to be back there, but I have a lot to do from now until then. Probably very possible to get it all done. It's going to be a very long day.

Now I'm just waiting for (butt) to finish exposing his screen. He has the best ass! I really wonder if he notices my noticing...

busy day. 2 new prints. 3 more print studio days, and 4903 show Sunday.

I'm tired!

Poems: "To David, About His Education," by Howard Nemerov, fromThe Collected Poems of Howard Nemerov (University of Chicago Press).

To David, About His Education

The world is full of mostly invisible things,
And there is no way but putting the mind's eye,
Or its nose, in a book, to find them out,
Things like the square root of Everest
Or how many times Byron goes into Texas,
Or whether the law of the excluded middle
Applies west of the Rockies. For these
And the like reasons, you have to go to school
And study books and listen to what you are told,
And sometimes try to remember. Though I don't know
What you will do with the mean annual rainfall
On Plato's Republic, or the calorie content
Of the Diet of Worms, such things are said to be
Good for you, and you will have to learn them
In order to become one of the grown-ups
Who sees invisible things neither steadily nor whole,
But keeps gravely the grand confusion of the world
Under his hat, which is where it belongs,
And teaches small children to do this in their turn.


I found this poem in a book I had growing up - I can't remember which one. Of course I was drawn to it because it had my name in the title. I taped it into my journal. I even think I used it for my senior quote!

I always loved it, and repeat the first line to myself whenever I'm frustrated and down. I feel really comforted by it.

-----

I'm frustrated with myself! I do things I don't want to do, I don't mean to do. I make silly careless mistakes that ripple. I'm so fucking impatient.

I want to erase it all and start over, but can't. It's cold outside. The time is gone. I'm boxed in. I feel this way a lot. It's such a function of working alone, for yourself. You make all the mistakes. You're the problem. There is nobody else to be mad at.

Of course it's temporary. It always is. Even the biggest mistakes get washed away - wave after wave. I tell myself that I can improve. Tomorrow I'll do better. But I fear I won't.

dear dave,

Tuesday basically over.  Monday was much more productive.

On my way to Home Depot yesterday I had to take a different route out of my neighborhood because of a police block.  I was frustrated about going back to Home Depot for MORE wood.  It adds up.  I feel bad everytime I spend.

Suddenly I saw a cache of wood boards, perfect size, perfect age sitting out for trash, by a liquor store.  SCORE!  Mood instantly changed.  I was so happy.  Perfect boards / no Home Depot.

I had a good day printing-finished up the bird pattern prints, and managed to slip in an (awesome) print for Hexy.  Turned into a great day.

Today not so much.  I had a big fat printing day, but was unprepared.  I spent way too much time planning, and ran out of time at the Corcoran.  and all the students trying to work around me SUCKED.

So the day is over.  I accomplished one print today, but planned for 3.  Will need to finish up Friday.

(what a pissy mood Im in)

I got a nice text from Dave K last night about continuing to shoot more pictures. I'm so inspired by him. What a great guy.

new print

for Hexy's bday (shhhh)

dear Dave,

I'm having one of those days! Lot's of back tracking and second guessing.

I cancelled my shoot with Peter. In the end I think it was a good call, but it messed up my day. I wasn't so excited about changing venues for the pictures, and was thinking that shooting indoors may be a bust. I don't know. I just decided against it all.

Moving on to the Axis show, and feeling lost. No good. Bad frustration. Blank block. So I fiddle and don't do much. And get more bogged down.

Blah!

Hopefully the coffee I just went out for with pick me up. I want to be happy! I choose it.

dear dave,

casual day at the studio doing odds and ends. Shoot with Peter tomorrow (at his place!), so I made some new underwear for TW.

Conflicted about where to go with that still. Sales trickle in. I think there is a lot of potential, but not as it stands.

Hmmm - not feeling too talkative. Think I'll leave it there.

Image: "do you see what I see"

Eric - photoshoot last wednesday. What a great guy. 100%

I'm thankful for

health
hex
mom & dad
sue

remi

freedom

hex

cliffkimcorderinmichaeljaytommerbarbcherlbillrichell

creativity
tivo

excedrine
coffee

savings

hex

tick tick tick

the clock is ticking until the corcoran closes for the semester. It's really crazy how slavish I am to this studio. All my time and emotions are wrapped up in using the studio wisely. The slightest waste sends me into a pit of despair and regret. Im constantly trying (and failing) to efficiently use my time here.

It's really hard, because printing requires a lot of prep. Actually its really hard because I hate planning. I like to come up with prints in the moment, which leads to some downtime working out the next print.

I've been stressing about an upcoming show at Axis with Joe. It's a big project, opening early Feb. No problem except the corcoran closes for most of January, starting late December. It will be impossible to get a lot done between those times, so this is really my chance to move along.

that collides with my insane ability to procrastinate, and work spur of the moment.

I think I may have come up with a solution, driving into the studio today. We'll see if it pans out.

Hopefully

Fingers crossed

dear dave,

I'm back at the corcoran, waiting to use the light table. Finally finishing up the branch birds print. Looking at it just now, i realized the birds to berries proportions are off a bit. those are some big berries, or little birds.

Saturday and Sunday was spent in front of the tv, catching up on Dexter season 4.

After we finished watching 8 episodes, Hex and I were bleary eyed, and kind of mentally sick. It was only 8pm, cold and dark outside, and Sunday. Blah.

Somehow we managed to get through the few dead hours before bed, waking up to a fresh new week.

Hopefully, I can be super duper productive. So far so....ok.

dear dave,

I'm here at the studio with Remi and feeling very unsettled about it. Very Very gloomy day-after-Thanksgiving, and just feels like I should be someplace else doing something else.

Revised the cardinal, and think it's much better.

Maybe best to go home, curl up, and enjoy the day off!

dear dave,

fun day shooting pictures of Eric. A great guy. Really fun to be with.

I'm really happy with a few of the pictures. I got what I wanted.

Here late. Thanksgiving tomorrow. It's always kind of fun to work up to the holiday. Everybody is away, and I'm on my own schedule. I enjoy it.

Plans tomorrow to spend the day with Mom & Dad, then Bud & Terry's for games later with the whole gang. Looking forward to the holiday,and all the fixins.

Back to work Friday. I have a lot on my plate.

dear dave,

what a crazy unexpected difficult couple of days at the corcoran!

This "birds on a branch" print is rough! Yesterday I took forever to print the branches. Everything went wrong over and over. All I wanted for myself was to have two panels, branches printed well. 3 hours later I had this accomplished. But it seriously should have taken me 1.

I mixed my colors, and set myself up for today--an early start and an all day session.

I got in this morning, made my screens, then failed. I decided quickly to just break the 2 prints up. Do one complete print, then go to the next with new screens. It was a great decision, allowing me to move much quicker without constant clean up and dry time.

Anyway, the first print turned out like crap. I printed all the bottom layers (great), then moved on to the black outlines.

At this point the entire print is at stake. There is no recovery. I was soooooo careful, but of course the ink blobbed and smeared. I fixed it a bit, unhappy, but not crushed. I moved on to the next bird, and it came out even worse.

Ok - still in the game. I tried hard to stay cheerful. But all was lost! I printed the last bird, reprinted the middle bird, but it was all long gone. (Not sure why I'm going into all this detail about all this, but I am)

LUCKILY - I moved on to the second print (determined!), and it worked out well. I decided to skip printing the cardinal for today, and try redrawing it. That was a great choice, and probably would have saved the first print.

At this point its 4pm. My hands are covered in ink, I clean up, put everything away, and make plans for Monday. Then very happily I realize I have a third version I started Saturday, and scraped early monday.  With just a little effort I realize I can get this all finished too, and I have the extra screen ready to go.

I rallied (turkey and swiss form starbucks & diet coke) and went for it. And very happily it all worked out.  Maybe I learned from my 1,000 mistakes?

So it's 5:47 tuesday. I have two great prints 80% done, and a few days off. Won't be back to printing until Monday.

What a road!

image: beautiful body/beautiful photograph copied from a magazine saturday

dear dave,

I had a chance to look back at past November entries yesterday, and was struck at the decline in my optimism. I was so excited about my creative rebirth, and looking forward to the future. I have a much different mindset lately. I prefer the old me.

Had a really rough time with my new prints on Saturday. Screens didn't work out so well, and then when I finally was printing, my registrations were way off. I am printing an edition of 4, and it requires a lot more care.

Finally I just had to give up, call it a day, and go home. I hadn't set it up properly, and there was really no way to recover. So now in about a half an hour Im going back to try again.

Friday night opening was rough for a few reasons. I felt very disengaged with the show, and was freaked out about the whole issue with j. I left early to join Hex, and that turned out to be the wrong choice. All I ended up feeling was regret for not having put forth a little more effort. The bad feelings lingered into Sunday. These things have a way of staying with me.

It's a new week, and a new day. This morning I finally squared my LLC issues (as best I could) and so I feel a weight off my shoulders.

I've been so conflicted and frustrated and mucked up. I keep hoping that the path will clear up, and I'll feel more confident about where I stand.

The optimism is still there, just diluted a bit.

dear dave,

this picture was taken a few years ago, on a late afternoon walk with Rem in Rock Creek.

Feels like daylight is so precious now. The days are so short. At around 4 all I want to do is gather my things and head home for the night. Eat and curl up. Hex and I have been watching tv in bed, nesting. It feels cozy...but I hate the hibernation instinct this time of year. I want more day!

Time flies by. Sure I don't always use it well, but come on. It's not like I'm talking on the phone and surfing the web all day. I just can't believe how little time I feel like I have.

The problem is that I constantly underestimate how much time anything is going to take. I think I can just whip over to home depot, get wood (cut), come back to my studio, paint it, print out positives, and get to the corcoran to start printing by 11. Well it's already 1:22, and I'm just finishing the painting.

Anyway, new print is cool. Im excited about it. Putting down the monsters for a bit. (wish I could do 3 things at the same time)

Started to stress out about my February show with Joe. Factoring the semester break, that is practically 3 weeks away. I need to bust ass.

I HATE blogger
I HATE blogger
I HATE blogger

It's impossible to format photos anymore.  I really really hate it.

Today and yesterday flew by.  I have NO control.  I didn't get much done.  I'm feeling lost/frustrated/responsible.  It's all my fault.

I drew a bit.  Remixed my website.  So sad about daily candy, and not being linked to my name.  A good lesson for the future I guess.  But there really was no way to prevent or control.

Working on new print.  Feeling frustrated by my whole convoluted process.  Yet in the end, it takes the same steps.  Why do I mess it up then (timewise).  Because somehow I'm programed to.

Waiting to bring another print up to Loft Gallery.  Im there, caramel, Hounshell, Easel, 4903 and Red Tree.  Something has to pan out!

quick post:

good day.  Had fun drawing (again).  I didn't follow through with my plan to play.  Just wasnt in the cards. Maybe tomorrow.  Probably not.

must leave to meet up with Hexy.

Tomorrow!

dear dave,

Another good day printing.  Finished my monster print as expected.  Took my time with it, so I would have no regrets.  ended up with just one (pink claws).

Cozy day, and I'm in the little computer lab/closet under the stairs (at the corcoran).  I love this little nook.  It makes me feel so secure and comfortable.  People walk by, but I'm protected.

Tomorrow is (may be) my creative day.  A chance to feel care free and play.  I've been thinking about it.  If it's sunny, I'm doing it!

Sales picking up.  Thats a good thing!

dear dave,

MONDAY!

A fresh page to write on.

Monster print angst continues. Pointed my car to home depot this morning to get more wood, only to turn towards the studio, thinking twice about it.

I guess the story of the past year is self doubt. Instead of doing something full force, I'm just softly moving forward (sideways and upside down). I'm viewing everything as a complication. A million if/then's. I wish I could stop this!

Happiness is an option. Go with what you know, and stick with it.

------

Yesterday was sunny and gorgeous. Driving with Tom to Ellen's yesterday, I was inspired to take a day off. A creative mental health day. Where I let myself be free to just enjoy what is around me. Soak up the inspiration. Go to a new place and do a new thing.

I've been driving my brain hard the past few months. Down on myself for my lack of progress/motivation/skill/endurance. I want to let go of that and enjoy where I am.  I really have it made.  I need to luxuriate in that for a bit, and smile, and see that everything is good, and the future is bright. Brighter then I realize.

You're making more progress then you think

dear dave,

its 2 on saturday, and Im waiting to make my last screen. today has been all about prep. Not much printing goin on!

Decided to do a fun print with some monsters i drew a few years ago. i think it's going to come out really great, but I only have one piece of wood, and Im wishing it was a bit bigger


(this is as far as I got on this post. finished up screens, and my computer was being used, so I drafted it and took off. Figured it was worth posting anyway)

dear dave,

It's so nice and warm. Hex and I just had coffee in middle of the day, then I went to the post office to mail shirts. Weird day. It's not so productive. More lazy and slow.

Wish I had my sh*t together to shoot pictures, because it's warm and sunny, and I feel inspired. But I don't, so I didn't.

Thinking about whats next, and how to use my time wisely. A lot of big stuff is behind me. I was working so hard on getting all my print inventory together, then set-up for the open studios. Now there is this lull, and I'm trying to figure out what is best.

Not enough time to launch christmas cards, but I want to. Not enough time to get the fabric printed, but I want to do that too.

Probably best to get through some of the nagging stuff that I have been avoiding. It's always there, taunting me.

I've had my playtime. Now back to work.

dear dave,

another busy day. they get filled fast. Went up to Baltimore to drop more prints off to Red Tree. Came home and got my car washed (sparkly!). Then photographed another chunk of prints for the site. All that took all day.

My car got was covered with bird sh*t last friday at cord's house. Nice to have it all cleaned up after a week of driving it super dirty.

Glad to get more up to Red Tree. That store is really unbelievable. Chock full of great stuff. They were preparing the store for Christmas and it looked awesome. Again - soooo glad to be there.

Happy to have made some progress updating my print pages. Fun to shoot again. It's been awhile since I've used my camera. Peter and Dave K have been on hold - because of weather and lack of stuff to shoot, and $. It was getting expensive paying them regularly. Hopefully money well invested. I'm sure of it.

Time to get home and let Remi out. And see my wonderful hexy. Tomorrow is another print day. Focus now is on smaller prints....

goodnight.

dear dave,

It's already wednesday.  Time goes by fast.

Spent most of the day yesterday at the corcoran printing.  Felt a little muddled about what to print.  Where to go.  I ended up choosing the fun option, and like it ok.  I want to draw more.  I think that will help me come up with some fresh new material.  I'm feeling a little stale.  Or one-dimensional.  Hmmmm

Today is busy making shirts and finishing a few prints for Red Tree trip tomorrow.  And paperwork.  Im swamped with paperwork.

Glee last night was great.  I'm tempted to buy the one song that I loved, but I think it may be more that I just loved seeing the dance that went along with it.  Such a wonderful gay moment.  Boys!

Dear Dave,

The past few days were a whirlwind of fun and excitement -- meeting new people, seeing old friends, and sharing my work.

Friday was spent getting all the little things done at the studio, then I went up to Red Tree for their first friday event.  It was so cool to be there.  I had a great time with Courtney, Piper & CJ, and I was really excited to see all the prints I had dropped off up, looking terrific.  I can't say enough great things about Red Tree.  I am SO excited to be there, and think it's such a great for my work.

We had our open studios this weekend.  Lots of new people came through, and it was really fun to have that energy in the studio.  Everything looked really good, and I was super happy to meet new fans and have my work o-u-t.

Late friday Hex came through (for his VIP preview) and "strongly" suggested I have more prints out.  That turned out to be sage advice, because much of what I added were really well received. (thanks hex).

-------

New energy!  That is what I really needed, and hope it lingers.  The next few weeks will be really important in developing my business.  I feel it.

dear dave,

I've been busy the past few days focused on pulling together work to show at our Mid City Artists Open Studios weekend.

Tuesday was my last day to print, and I was really ambitious.  I drilled thru it like a champion, pretty much getting everything done that I had planned for.  I was SO efficient.  Print, clean, NEXT!  It was impressive.

THen yesterday I had to finish them all up at the studio with frames etc.  A smallish job that took most of the day.  I was lagging.

Today I'm planning to hang it all, and prepare the studio.  Then shirts.

Tomorrow is my flex day, to get all the details done.

TW  & BD traffic WAY done.  I don't know what I'm doing wrong.  I guess I will focus on it next week.

Blah!

WOW Ive been bad!

It's been too long since my last confession.

It was a busy and frustrating roller coaster of a weekend.  My mood has been allllll over the place.  I had a  lot to do, and didn't really have the juice to do it.

I'm happy it's in the past.  THings feel more resolved with a certain someone, and I made the delivery to Red Tree this morning.  Glad to have that accomplished!  I spent a major amount of time puling it together, and worrying about all the logistics and decisions associated with it.  It's done!

THis week I will sort of shift gears and prepare for our open studios.  I have a few more days to print, but mostly just need to pull my space together, and get t-shirts made.  I want to feel prepared!

I seem to have an endless list of things to do with deadlines.  I really don't know how I have become this uptight, stressed out person.  It's not what I want, so I need to make some (more) changes.

Worked on framing everything today, which is a bigger job then I expected.

I'll be bringing it all up to Red Tree Monday.  Think it's all in order, but I have a full day tomorrow finishing up shirts and prints.

Had a really studio visit with Julia Bernard yesterday.  Always nice to talk about my work, and get feedback.  Added a little (much needed) wind in my sails today.  It's been too long...

feeling worse, now better.  Hopefully a positive upswing.

dear dave,

here is a lousy shot of the gaggle prints I've been working on. Had a long day yesterday trying to finish it up. What should have taken an hour and a half took 3. Always works out that way.

Tonight is the high heel race down 17th, and I'm focused on that. I could be at the corcoran starting a new print, but I'm still unsure what to do next. I feel a little stuck. I think I'm going to take it easy today, because I'm concerned that I'm getting run down. I need to be healthy for the next few weeks.

What to print next? Hmmmm

dear dave,

Waiting on my screens to dry at the corcoran studio.  Gaggle (remix) almost done.  I just have a few more passes to make.

So that means it took about 10 hours total.  Seems like a lot, but didn't feel like so much.  Glad to have two solid prints out of the run.

Now I need to worry about tomorrow.  I really want to redo You Disappoint Me with brighter colors, but feel like that is a bit of a waste.  I need to do that elusive 11th look (project runway).  That quick piece that fills a gap thats missing.  Hmmm, that sets me off spinning, because I don't know what it should be.

Had a good weekend.  Hopefully I can update a bit more as the week goes on, and I get gradually more comfortable with what I have done and the choices I've made.  Time is running out on Red Tree.  Hope I've gone down the right path!

update:

Progress!  Feel good about my gaggle work today.  And meeting, and decision about TW wholesale.

Hopefully tomorrow I can make major progress on Gaggle.  Maybe even finish it up!  We'll see.

Happy to have a few steps behind me.  Feeling more positive for a change.

today I'm finally getting to the gaggle redo I've been avoiding.

 It's a big project with a lot of steps, so it's something I've been worried about accomplishing. But I had it in my head that I wanted to do one for Red Tree, and this is the time to do it.

Waiting for 9:30, when I can pick up my zipcar and take the boards to the corcoran. Then come back, drop car, go back to corcoran and actually start working (for only a few hours).

 Then come back around 3, get shirts, make shirts, ship shirts.

Steps! All day, baby steps.

Peter Oct 21


Dear Dave,

Shot some pics of Peter today, and picked up boards at Home Depot for Gaggle Remix. A good, productive day.

Still feeling anxious about my fate. All in the balance.

Note: 48" boards with not fit in zipcar. Learned the hard way.

dear dave.

spent day in studio, working on "framing" and drawing. Not much going on - which is kind of sucky. I feel anxious.

dear dave,

meeting up with Kim and erin and Mer soon.  Excited about that.

I had another stressful day of stressing.  I got to the Corcoran early and reprinted "Gull".  That took all of 90 minutes, so I was left without anything else set-up.  I can't afford to waste printing time, but that's what seemed to happen.

Back at my studio I realized I had a lot already done.  Probably too much.  But I still feel like I need more.  So the rest of the afternoon was spent working out new prints.  Went pretty well, but I swear the time just flies by.  It's already almost 6, which means it's past the time I should be leaving.

So I'm off.

Image:  Bear/Owl make another appearance!

Sitting in the little computer closet at the corcoran, waiting for my screens to dry.  Excruciatingly impatient as I wait.  Everybody has their screens bunched up at each dryer, so it takes double the time.  I just cant rush around.  It's pointless.

think I found a good solution for salvaging my work from saturday (winterberry), so I feel good about that at least.  It just means multiple screens and SLOW progress.  I need to dial down to first gear if I'm going to make it work.

I have a solid two weeks to wrap up my work for Red Tree.  I need to regroup and see what I have all together, so I use my time wisely.  I've been stalling on Gaggle, unsure if I want to go through all the hoops to get it done.  I want to be able to come up with a re-mix (a new variation) but I'm stumped at the moment.  Probably will just end up with the original set-up.

I've been soooooooooooooooooooooo unsure of myself lately.  It's bad.  I need that confidence to move forward.  It's like lubricant.  It greases the gears and keeps moving things forward.  Hard things.  I'm desperate to feel positive about what I'm doing.

Corcoran, corcoran, corcoran. You're killing me! Turns out they have a big printing conference/demo planned for the studio this afternoon, so we really couldn't stay past class to print.

Started winterberry, but couldn't finish. I've been having such a tough run at printing the past few weeks. Super easy things are giving me trouble. So I find myself constantly trying to cover up my flubs. Either that or start over, which doesn't seem possible. Anyway, hopefully I can improve what I did today.

Took remi out for a much needed run afterwards. Except for the many ticks that hitched a ride on her, it was a fun time.

This whole evita thing has gotten out of hand.  It's in my head ALWAYS.  when I go to bed, when I wake up.  Sitting at my computer working.  Driving.  Man - they really seeped into my entire being.  I feel a little sickened.

Productive morning printing.  Had to cut it short because a class was coming in.  There I was, moving along, loving my solitude, when the lab tech showed up and ruined everything.  Suddenly I had to wrap everything up in a matter of minutes.  Sucked.

I'm doing reprints of You Disappoint me, and Winterberry, for the Red Tree show.  It's nice to do something familiar.  Nice and kind of boring -- and nerve wracking because I know just how I want them to be.  I'm trying to match the originals.

You disappoint me came out well, so I was happy.  Winterberry will have to be continued tomorrow.

I didn't see Peter or Dave this week.  I feel a little bummed out that the light is changing, and I won't be able to do much more going forward.  Probably a good thing because I can concentrate on other things - but sad nonetheless.

Suddenly I feel so melancholy!  So typical for Friday.

dear dave,

yesterday I cut out of here early, and got the massage I've been planning for.  It was TERRIFIC - and well worth it!

today I had a big to do list, and got through about half of it.  But the biggest thing I was worried about I solved, so that weighs heavily towards the productive side.

It's 6:35, and I feel like I want my day to start right now.  I ALWAYS have such creative energy at this time.  But I need to get home to Hexy and Remi, so I'm turning off my evita, sleeping my computer, clicking off my lights, and locking the door.

Tomorrow is another day.


goodnight

Just painting over the print I made today.  That takes care of that!

what a messy day at the corcoran!  A SUPER easy print turned into a nightmare.  Happy to be back to my studio, and done for the day!

Old Europe tonight with Barb and cheryl and (sam?)  Should be fun!

blogger is crazy!  Every post I writing gets formated all strange.  How do I figure this out (easily?)

Back to the corcoran this afternoon.  Yesterday was productive, and hopefully today will be too.  I'm so lucky to have all this time to work there.

It's really hard managing my time.  I get to the studio, then leave, then need to pick up packages at home, then need to get to the post office.  Other stuff just doesnt get done until Wednesday or Thursday.  I need to just be settled with that I guess.

Shoot with Dave on thursday was really frustrating, and I'm lost with how to proceed.  I don't want to cut it off, but can't continue without getting anywhere.  Maybe the clouds will split, and I'll get a magical answer.  I hope so.

TW orders slowed.  WTF?

dear dave,

this will have to be my new system, posting pictures and text separately.  I am still so frustrated with blogger.

It's a warm monday.  My air conditioner is out of the window, our building heat is turned on, and it's warm again outside.  Ridiculous!

Updates:

I am still on my crazy Evita kick.  I think Tom is going to kill me, because all he ever hears coming out of my studio is Madonna singing these ridiculous songs about Peron.  I just love it.  I play it over and over and over.  I really have no idea what vein it has tapped into, but at this point, I'm still super satisfied.

Saturday printing went pretty well, but I'm not totally at peace with that pink bird.  All the colors feel a little to deep. Blah!  It's not really possible to change now.

(Not much of an update after all.  I see that it's noon, and that means I have to go.  Maybe I'll get back to it later)

Such a busy couple of days. Today I was running from thing to thing-it was crazy! Corcoran-Peter-post office-Wachovia.

I feel behind. I'm sweating My red tree deadline.

I dropped the ball a bit towards the end if today, and now feel bad, because I'm not as prepared as planned for printing tomorrow. Ahhh-printing is a hungry beast! Eating all my time up.

Love my pics of Peter. Boxers were a fun change of pace. And the weather was killer. We lucked out! Pics will be fun to add to tightewhities. But that will have to wait for well into next week. Among other things.

Shoot with Dave not so great. I've lost my flow with him-and can't seem to get it back. Somethings not working anymore-and it's killing me! Cold weather coming anyway, so shooting will be on hold till spring anyway. Probably good to find a new face. We'll see...

dear dave,

Today is my birthday (again).  They come around fast!  Usually I copy in my horoscope for the year, but I don't really have to umph to search around the web for one.  So I won't!

Had breakfast with Hexy at the diner.  I think we both were anxious to start our days.  We ate in about 15 minutes.  It took longer to drive there!

I have a busy day planned full of logistics, so instead of being calm and relaxed, I feel stressed!  Meetings and photo shoots, and de-installations and drop offs and sauce-cake making.  It's an ambitious agenda.

I always need to think ahead for printmaking, and it's usually a struggle.  As much as I want to create in the moment, I need to plan for getting all the pieces together, lined up, prepared and ready to assemble.  I had to coerce myself to make a trip to Home Depot this morning.  If I didn't, I know I would end up unprepared for Monday/Tuesday printing.  So I went, spent $, and am probably better for it.

November will be here soon, and I need to feel prepared.  Fighting with all my strength NOT to drop the ball -- all that time gone, and not enough work to show for it.  I'm forging ahead.  I will succeed!

work is stacking up, which is a great thing.

My birthday is tomorrow.

I feel content!

blogger's new software is KILLING me.  I just lost a post after trying to edit it.

So now I'm frustrated, and not really in the mood to rewrite it.

Oh well.

Spent most of the day at the corcoran, finishing up bear owl wilson (below).  Took wayyyy longer then I expected, so now I'm behind.  Hopefully I can catch up Friday.  I have so much planned.

I'm getting regular tightewhitie orders, which is great!  Hopefully the stream turns into a flow.  I would love that.  Shooting with Peter friday, which should be interesting considering the new instant-winter we seem to be experiencing.  Hopefully it warms up a bit.

Also seeing Dave Thursday.  So unsure about what to shoot.  We'll see.  I know what I WANT to do, but that still doesnt seem to be an option...

Dear dave,

I've started this post 3 times now! What to write? Suddenly I'm not sure!

I'm not so talky lately. I'm getting really internal and insulated with my thoughts. Probably because they have been kind of dark and negative, and I really don't want this blog to be a constant moan fest.

Spent the weekend with Hex mostly. We celebrated Ronnie's bday, and trekked around the neighborhood. Went to crafty bastards and the flea market.

Crafty Bastards- made me all uptight and mixed up. It all became this big giant blob of t-shirts and prints and little crafty things. All looked very much the same, but shared a lot of motifs that I've been doing as well. It made me confused about the direction I'm taking, and want to take and should take! How to be distinct. Not too this or that.

It's so easy to compare yourself with other people, artists, brands, artwork, and get confused about where you measure up. It's a tar pit of second guessing, self doubt and frustration. I pretty much pulled myself out of it, but here I am, writing about it, and I feel myself getting sucked back in.

ANYWAY - also of note: Hex and I made our annual trek up Georgia Ave. to the thrift store to pull together our High Heel Race outfits. This year we will be tennis players. So funny, because it always takes a while to find the pieces, but with a little perseverance, they always suddenly come together. Like the inks at G&G. I would always say to myself: " I know you are here somewhere!" and I'd find them.

This morning I was all set to devote the day to printing, got to the Corcoran, and discovered that yet again, the studio was closed for a special event.  Blah!  Felt sort of excited to be able to go back to the studio and catch up on prep work, only to squander the time doing a lot of nothing (but fretting).

I can't let this day escape without being productive on something!

But I feel stuck on everything.  And I don't like when months turn over.  It just means that I owe money.  More money, out the door...

Corcoran closed tomorrow too, so I won't be getting back to printing until Monday.

I guess I'm just feeling a little constipated.  I'm not able to print, I haven't been shooting pictures, I'm not really drawing, and I'm not selling so much.  Things are not flowing like they should.  I need flow.

I did manage to tweak my site.  Nice to keep things fresh.

dear dave,

not much to report.  Had the entire day to work without very many distractions.  I guess I was productive...

but need to be more so.

November is going to be huge...and I need to prepare. Must keep that in mind.

Tried to set up a few more models for next week.  That is such a huge fun distraction.  I LOVE LOVE LOVE taking pictures, and finding guys to shoot.  Clearly that should be my full time job, because I really love it.

Anyway, have a few really great ones, and I'm trying to figure out how to fit them in to a busy schedule.  The light isn't what it used to be.  Days are getting shorter.  And I really need to concentrate on printing.

But I swear, that is my favorite thing to do...

Busy day. Realized I got the open studio schedule screwed up, and Wednesdays were out afterall. Still managed to prepare my next prints. Maybe a second chance to improve them. Screens all set.

Made some shirts. Getting underwear orders, and im trying to keep up with deadlines. Reminds me a lot of early days at bsur.

Saw Erin for a second. That was nice.

Rain will cancel shoot with Dave tomorrow. Just as good--I can concentrate on more pressing things. Sales!

Over and out

dear dave,

I'm being more productive, which feels good. The structure of the corcoran studio helps. I HAVE to be productive in order to have a successful November/December. Everything seems to be building up to that.

I went out to Baltimore today to check out Red Tree, and see the space I'll be working with. Such a great store. I'm so excited to be a part of it - and have high hopes. Think my work will fit like a glove.

Opening is November 5th, which is shaping up to be a super challenging weekend.  MCA open studios Saturday & Sunday, and volunteering Friday.  We'll see how it all shakes out.  I'm concerned!

Made it out to PERFECTO also, which felt like a major major accomplishment. Of course I got lost getting there. Baltimore VEXES me. I always go the wrong way when I'm going around the stadium. Always get flushed onto 95, with NO possibility to correct. There are NO exits.

 Luckily my phone was working well and easily, so I made it back without too much extra trouble. Went through some crazy and run down neighborhoods. Really really cool, but terribly depressed. Buildings were killer though.

I'm happy to get those prints back, but feel a little disappointed that they have been there for so long without any sales inquiries.  Oh well.

So I'm back finishing up things for tomorrows prints,and other stuff. There is a lot to do!