I don't know

I don't know

I don't know

Tumultuous days spent making shirts, fretting about my shitty color choices, beating myself up about my stupid designs, spiraling over "friends", and pulling the dogs along on our walks.  Life could be better.  My whole psyche could be better.  Right now it's shitty x 1,000

Spent way too long on the precipice design that just popped in my head and is so dry and niche.  After all that work "perfecting" it, I'm printing it on 2 shirts.  Two.  2.  

(THANK GOD I LOOKED AT THE SPELLING LAST MINUTE.  CLASSIC, DAVE)

So bogged down on friend upsets that its been muddling our dog walks.  Made some steps in another direction.  We'll see how that pans out.

Overall, just in a shitty place.  Want this show to be over, so I can move AWAY from it.  And of course the turning of the month doesn't help.  

 

 

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ out vs $ in

 

 

 Survived the dentist.  I fucking hate the dentist!

Production resumed, got shirts, and started printing using colors.  So far so good, like the direction.  Just wish I had gotten more brights and less sads.  How do I make this mistake always??????

Totes I'm putting to the side and I'm going to make screens that are bigger rather then just the tee sizes.  Think this is a good plan, but this whole enterprise is being stretched out and there will not be much room for anything else (SM).  Will be keen to see the weather forecast in the next few days. That will make or break me.

 

Thank god we don't have to rent a car anymore.  That takes away so much stress! 

 

 Tee production flop today as I waited for the delivery, and then it finally came and it's late, so why go home and come back.  ((delivered home because the UPS man cant seem to deliver to the studio without fucking up )). All just a big fuck-up sandwich with extra mayo.

Got some more colorful construction paper and printed on that all day, so at least something was accomplished.  Had the few sample tees in the studio, but none of them worked with what I had on the screens, and it seemed so dumb to print one only of each.  Such a mess!

Running out of ink, running out of everything.  Working with 1.5 screens.  All is just UGH.

 

Tomorrow > d e n t i s t.  I want to die. 

 

 Removed "mailing list" link on the blog, and that seems to have solved the spam -

 

working on AOA tees, and its slow going as usual.  I always do this to myself.  All of a sudden I have 1,000 ideas and no time.  Oh well.

 Ending the day so exhausted!  Weather was hot, and I made my SM trips, and combined with walking the ladies, I'm totally drained.

 

Finished teamwork and it came out great.  

Afterward, I was so on the fence about doing the SM runs, but think it was a good call.  I see the schedule laid out for the next few weeks, and I'm daunted!  Yikes.  I'll have to put Cheryl off. 

 

Next week I have the dentist, and I want to clear my whole month out for that, UGH.

Listening to early U2 - always make me so nostalgic.  Strange blah gloomy days.  Today felt so long.

Yesterday I was all high on getting covid vaccine, and then it all fizzled.  Fingers crossed it works out Friday.  Ugh, I really don't want the hangover! 

Anyway, got my TEAMWORK on wood print set up and printed, and can't think of much else I did.  Today I came in and finished it, then was left not knowing what to do next.  Ended up printing "Ball Dream" on paper, then wood, and it came out well.  Psyched myself up for a run of Teamwork on paper, and that's still in progress, but happy it's coming out well.  So many colors!   

Keep planning to do check ins with SM, but the trips seem like such a waste when I don't have anything to bring.  But that is the plan tomorrow.  Cheryl Friday.  UGH - have major major tee printing ahead.  Sort of dreading.  It's such a slog! 

 

Monday Monday

Another weekend where I spent time at the studio, so coming back on Monday feels not so inspiring.

Tended to the found orchids, printed 11 x 14 Dc Logo's, cleaned screens, finished up addressing postcards, stuck my nose into my neighbor's business, walked to the post office, cut some wood, looked thru all my positives for TEAMWORK and had ZERO LUCK, set it up in AI to print, primed and painted cut boards, walked ladies and went to the gym. 

THAT was my Monday.  pretty productive.  SO DEPRESSING paying citi bill, but that's business.  Loaded up some new things on Marketplace and no dm's yet.

Getting a lot of new email list subs, which makes no sense.  I replied to a bunch asking where they heard of me - - no response.  Also, crazy analytics on the blog, that make ZERO sense.  All I can think is AI AI AI bots bots bots.   

 

 Typical friday wrapping up things. - Finished up prints for SMG with "Hideous" spider print, and made a cute SNAKE SNAKE print on wood that I really liked.  I don't know why - I just really like that design.

Wrapped everything up and got it over.  Doing the drive by drop-offs to save time and mental anguish - haha, I'm always frustrated about something I can't control.  Back to studio and wrapped up custom cards and got some Subs out.  Happy with Sept postcard.  What a hard decision that all was.

New business cards got delivered, and were dropped at the wrong address again by UPS.  This time it was a mystery where, didn't recognize the location in proof of delivery photo. Panic set in, then decided to hunt, and just lucked out by seeing the UPS truck / driver, and he was super nice and figured it out with me.  HUGE HUGE Thank god. 

 

Gym, and now FINALLY heading into a project I've been avoiding.  SO fucking dumb for putting this off.  But I did.

Today I printed on paper all day:  

Spider had a shit day

I need Consistency

Small Pup / Big Cup 

Crazy that it takes so long to print.  Or that I'm so slow.  Because none of them are really that complicated to print.  But that's what I did, and that's what it took.

 

It's 7:01pm.  I'm going to the gym to sit in the steam 

 

 

 Messy day back but sort of productive.  Big project being shoved aside, yikes.  NEED TO FOCUS ON THAT TOMORROW.  Started some new prints on paper.  Finally finished totes.  Screens cleaned / made.  That's about it.  Ugh

 

 

 Super duper dud monday!!  I was in on saturday and sunday so I had ZERO interest in being here today.  Ugh

Tried and failed to make a go of it - pulled some ideas together for printing with the leftover screens from Friday (for the suite of prints on wood taken to gtown) and suddenly the vibes were just off.  None of the wood I had worked, and the one I did do turned out shitty (new bitch in town).

Thought about turning to paper, but zero inspiration on that led me nowhere.  Finally forced myself to complete the toes that have taken weeks, and made a screen.  Shitty idea was to put 3 designs on, and printing bit me in the ass as each time I didn't tape enough and I fucked it up.  Pug tote was a total loss.

Then coffee at 350 with Hex which put me in a better mode.  Fiddled around afterward (ugh) then had more motivation.  So I drew. and posted, and now it seems like it's a dud.  That's the sucky thing about drawing for IG, it can really turn excitement into despair.

Anyway, tomorrow is Cher, then massage.  A good chance to restart??  OR a big fat distraction?? 

 

First week of September over.  As usual, I wish I had accomplished more, but I did get some things done.

Tees ordered, prints made on wood, and delivered to SM, Halloween card designed ordered, and business card.  New postcard too.  What I failed to do was start a design project for cards, and complete / deliver the totes to wharf.  And I could have printed more too.

Went through ALL my positives, T W I C E to find these dumb little pieces that I convinced myself were there.  Saw what I thought they were grouped with in passing, then went on a hunt to track that down.  I never found it. And ended up not even using them anyway.

Sold some things on Marketplace, dog pen, desk, lamp.  That was good.  

No cher, which was probably a good call.  Especially with a short week to start. 

- - - - - 

17 years ago I started this venture.  Thought about it on my walk back from the gym - - hard to believe.  Makes me a little misty. 

 

Big day in Branddave history - my 17th anniversary!!  Hard to believe it's been that long, and also it doesn't seem long enough.

 

S L O W day back, late to the studio because of parking restrictions, then "fiddled" for hours making up for lost "fiddling" over the weekend.

Started assembling all my postcard club designs together so I could have them all in one place.  Became a good project to reintroduce myself to my work past and present.  I feel so incredibly disassociated from it and everything.  Anyway. I have to find some sort of path BACK, and thought this might be one.

Not posting on IG, and hardly drawing anymore.  Nothing new on the site for maybe a year.  All are so incredibly neglected as I just focus on SM.  

But I have to change.  Change has to come.  Something has to shift.  I can't go on like this.