Big snow over the weekend - today Tuesday and first day back.  Walked the ladies here with their boots on.  Happy to have 2 pairs, made a big difference.  Roads and sidewalks are terrible in places.  DC sucks at clearing snow.  Sucks!

Spent the weekend in the apt.  Botched coffee cake because my yeast didn't rise.  Watched lots of Industry and the Boyfriend, which I can't decide if it's great or totally fake. 

This morning I just want to sink under my cover and not go out.  Glad I made it in, and got a few things done. Will make the rest of the week better, with positive movement forward. 

 

Round & Round & Round I go with this same loop of frustration.  The fire is dying down, it has no oxygen, but somehow it's still burning!

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Sad it's already Thursday, I had hoped to get more accomplished.  Cards ready for SM, but it's a small amount in the grand scheme of things.  Got most postcards out, and a large print for SMW which I like.  

NO WORK on commission drawing, which is a crime, but so typical.  I tell myself it's marinating.  I get so spooked by drawing sometimes.  It actually freaks me out.  How am I going to do it??  But somehow it always gets done.  This one spooks me more than most!

Big snow predicted next few days, but I think it's all a farce.  Biggest negative is the dogs feet+salt.  The salt on the sidewalk has grown epic. Poor dogs!

Hex has pizza, so it's time to go. 

Things are not as they seem

The world (people) are bazaar, frustrating and mysterious.  Right now, I can't stand them.

So frustrated with XXXX over XXXXX.  I keep thinking about it over and over and over and over.  20 times a day - for 3 days now. 

Making my arguments for why I should be upset - justifying it.  Practicing conversations with (her) - explaining my feelings, refining my words, rewriting each sentence so it makes crystal clear how she hurt me so much.  

Thinking about the future, and if /thens:  If she does this, I'll do that etc etc etc.  Over and Over and Over and Over. I can't confront her, or I don't want to.  That just gives her more of the upper hand.

At some point, my brain will just be exhausted.  There will be no new "events" to add fuel to the fire, and it will burn out.  I can't wait for that day!  

Until then, I'm just stuck with the hurt.

Good week overall - got shirts printed, tagged & delivered for UM and cards & valentines + postcards designed and ordered.  That was a big project.  Got a massage Thursday which felt amazing, and set the tone for the week (something to look forward to). Finished my wood commission, and paper commission came in and was delivered.  Sold some stuff on Marketplace, and refunded $18 for a broken projector (how is Hex always right?????) Paid my citi bill, which is ALWAYS a monthly hurdle.  Managed to stay away from the toxic news, for the most part.

Time to enjoy the weekend and spend time with Hex and the ladies.  It's Echo's turn to go to Great Falls.  But should I take Emma instead since we didn't go last weekend.  So many questions! 

Confidential: Insane moment at the _ _ _  just now.  One to remember!  Did I leave too early??  Not knowing is killing me - but evidence that things continued after my departure appeared before me.  Y O W Z A, what a show!

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Days going by so quickly!  Productive in one direction, but everything else being very neglected.  Such an old story.  I guess the only path is straight.

Cards almost finished.  Will be nice when they are.  Miraculous "healing" of computer.  Thought for sure I was cooked with the OS while working friday.  But lo and behold - it's working ok again. 

 

 Nice afternoon spent at Glenstone.  

So beautiful there today, the grounds almost out shown the artwork, almost!  The Pavilions were less than exciting.  I kept getting drawn outside with the amazing windows and center fountain space.  Walking into the library was magical, the floor goes from stone to wood, and becomes sort of bouncy.  The pew faces an amazing picture window, and it almost looks like a screen (how sad).  It's so clear, you almost feel like there is no barrier.  Also noted that when people would get up or sit down the pew would move, and was so reminded of church, and had this strange sensation of love and caring for my fellow "viewers". It just conjured all these feelings.

Walked down the path to the gallery building and stopped at the Patio rather than the Cafe, it was too crowded and expensive.  Got a coffee and soaked up the small crowd.

The gallery was much more fun to view, with work that I could linger over.  Note: love the lockers that you can use to store your coffee!!  Especially loved the Cy Twombly painting that was framed so beautifully by the doorway, and it was a revelation to turn the corner and see the Basquiat again !!!  What. a treat!  And then really loved "the closet"  - just fucking amazing !!  Memories of our closet forts and painting with bill & John.  The closet was always the curse, hot and confined.

Walked back around the loop and took the long way.  What a great choice!!  Loved the landscape and sunlight.  It was just amazing.