another poem for mich(ea)l

skinny
tired
snow
lynne,

leave
jeff
now
then,

I
wish
failed
go,

you
leave
now
snow.

all that jazz

dear dave.
back at the bou - in a terrible terrible seat. Middle of the room. tiny table. no time because I need to get to whole foods and buy chicken before they close because I worked out with JP today and I have to eat as much as I can tolerate otherwise the workout is useless. Felt weak at the gym. Strength comes and goes.

Not much to report. Lazy couple of days - sunday with hex, monday with the dogs. Can't seem to let go of lucy (above). I'm very resistant to returning her home. Tomorrow will be the day - i promise.

Time is ticking away before I leave for vacation. Suddenly everything has a deadline, and I always hate that. Finish the website before the cruise. Get a haircut before the cruise. Buy a fucking couch before the cruise. Some things will just have to go undone.

Excited to enter my new print into the show next week. Found a perfect (cheap) frame for it. Actually finished two prints on Saturday. Spent the whole day in the studio (with megan. Major progress. Now its a fresh start. What to begin. hmmm. So so glad megan found my old screen. Shocked that it could be there after all these years.

Wow this is rambling. So much the way I feel right now. Super scattered and distracted. What to worry about. What to put my energy towards. What to let fall apart. Where is my head. I feel blurry.

im tired

so i'm not going to write tonight.

goodnight

to the left, to the right, step it up, step it up, alright!

dear dave,
Hex just left, and we had a wonderful time. Today was a landmark for branddave -- courtney brought over our first suite of prints to sell at Red Tree in Baltimore. Very exciting. Woman who recieved them thought they might be sold before they are even displayed. That is hysterical. So nice to see progress! Can't wait to see the results...

Work on the website is slow, but Im very very excited about how it's turning out. Settled on a design, now it's just all the work getting it pulled together. I have bitten off A LOT. Don't know when I will have the time to work on all these things - mobiles, collages, paitnings, drawings. I figure it will work out the way it should. So so exciting. Love having this new, fresh, exciting creative outlet. Feels like pure oxygen (a phrase I keep using lately).

Week has been slow. I keep thinking I'm a day ahead, only to realize I'm a day behind. boo

ps-"unleashed holy hell" (just wanted to remember that!)

all things equal

dear dave,
about an hour ago, I had grand plans to write a long post about how I had finally decided to pull everything out of my sad closet, and decorate my apartment. And how that would be a metaphor for how I have been living the past year. A year of massive transition. Selling off or just throwing away major chunks of my life, and living in this bare, spare, empty apartment with essentially nothing. All my great things, my collected things, my precious things, packed away. Put away. Waiting to come out again, and be cherished again.

Such an identity crisis. Who the fuck am I, and why do I have all these things? Ron was the influence. Sneaky that Ron, unknowingly infiltrating my life and thoughts. but he has boxes in his garage. Boxes filled with stuff he wants to keep.

So where does that leave me? I have no fucking idea. I have all these things-things I love, things Im attached to, things I don't even know exist. Things I need once in a blue moon. Things that inspire me. Things that remind me of friends and places, and events.

THE MOSS FROM THE WATERFALL AT FALLINGWATER.
Irene and I running down the wet winding driveway
for one last look and deep deep breath.
IRENE-I WILL NEVER EVER FORGET THAT MOMENT.
ever.

AND I HAVE THE MOSS WITH ME.
it's safe with me, and I will keep it forever.

untitled

keep it going

dear dave,
my back shoulder blade is spasming, and it's just about to snow. Nobody I have talked to wants snow - which I understand. But it would be so much fun. I love the stillness. Everything gets so wonderfully muffled.
Made slow pathetic progress on print saturday. Picture above is a detail. Many missteps. Turns out I suck at making screens, which I knew, but Saturday confirmed it. I just wanted to print, but kept getting thwarted. Looks like I will only have 5-6 prints, once I'm all done. Slow progress is better then no progress.
Havn't felt terribly creative lately. It comes and goes. All of a sudden, I have a social life. Things to do, people to talk to. Plus work is demanding. Oh well, I will find my way. Hope to make major progress on everything this week.
WEBSITE! PRINTS! MOBILES! ARTIST STATEMENT(!?) We'll see. Goodnight Kim.

no problema?

erin thinks its justin. I say no fucking way.
we will have to disagree.
but what do we agree on anyway? certainly not Diane.
And the first track of Tasty.
but those are minor compared to _ _ _ _. now that's a mess.
and will always be.
just as michael says: "till your dying day..."

seventeen

-diary excerpts-
FEBRUARY 6, 1986
"Well, today was my first day back to school after the weekend and 3 day sickness. I have some stuff to make up. A lot in math, english and my computer class. I stayed after an hour and a half to do 3 chapters for Computer Applications. I took a test and a quiz, which I think I did average on. I need to work and get good grades. We get our report cards tomorrow. I think I did okay, but they are also sem. grades. :( On saturday, I am going to the beach w/ Ken and Cheryl. That will be fun. I don't want my writing to be yucky. I am very apprehensive about going to Gordon on Sunday. Oh well, it is only 2 days and I can't be shy! Be outgoing Dave! It is supposed to snow tonight. I really hope it does. Now I will draw."

FEBRUARY 5, 1986
"I havn't written in so long because I have felt very wretched, very wretched!! Today is the first day that I feel better, but I am still not 100% well. I have missed 3 days of school, oh well, I am a 2nd semester senior. Im sure I missed alot of work. This weekend I am going to Gordon College, by myself, to check it out. I am a little nervous, but it will be okay I guess. I wish it snows when I am there! I got letters from both Wheaton and Furman saying they recieved my apps. I hope I am accepted to Wheaton. Please, I have to go there!"

FEBRUARY 3, 1986
"Well, today was a banner day. Yuck. I was in bed all day, watching television. I hate being sick. My throat still really hurts. I hope I didn't miss very much in school today. I think I will go tomorrow, maybe not."

FEBRUARY 2, 1986
"Today I have been off and on sick. I didn't go to church this morning, and I just plain feel lousy! I ate pizza for dinner and got very sick to my stomach later! I don't think I will be attending school tom. And I also have an orthodontist apt. I will have to cancel. I hate being sick like this, it ruins everything."

FEBRUARY 1, 1986
" I didn't write yesterday. I went to a movie w/Ken Cheryl, Kyle, and Eddy. "Out of Africa" It was good, but not awesome. I wasn't in a very good mood so it was a little blah. Now I am sick w/flu. I have a very bad sore throat and am acheee. Both Jenny and Mo are snoring next to me. I am in a quiet, slow, bleek mood. Winter without snow is a bummer. This weekend was the Retreat. I am so glad I didn't go! Nobody went.

I want to finish this diary, because I got a really good one today. It is much bigger, and I hope it will last longer than these. Also it will hold bigger pictures, so I won't have to chop them up anymore. Someday I will really enjoy looking back on these. I wish I could show them to people, but I think they are too personal. I wouldn't want anybody to read through them, just look at the pictures i draw and put in. I think these books are a work of art. My style gets better as I do them. If you look at the first, it doesn't look half as good as this one, and the beginning of this one doesn't look as good as the stuff I am doing now. I am anxious to start the new one. They are a history of this year of my life. That is cool. Also, the new one was only $6. This one was $4. A better price for more! I got it at Visual Systems. That store really brings out the artist in me. I love paper, paint, and art materials. I could easily buy out the store.

I also got film today. A new thing, black and white. Mom thought I was nuts, but I really like black and white. I want to take some pictures of Ken. I wonder if he would think that was queer. I think he would be a good subject, like Kristin. Maybe tomorrow (sunday) nite.

I also got the Feruary GQ. That is such a stylistic mag. I really love it.

I want it to snow at least 5". Only tomorrow it is going to be 50 something degrees. Good luck Dave."

queen's portion

dear dave,
past few days have been a washout. After a few really really great days, I seemed to have crashed and burned on Friday. Woke up feeling bad, and things just went downhill. Cancelled multiple plans, and went all internal.
Thought I was through it today -- excited to work more at the corcoran, but things didn't go so well. Arrived late, made a screen, then crashed again. Glad I didn't print - I'm sure I would have made some bad moves that I would have regreted later. Came home, slept for a few hours, and then tending to my piles. Trying to get realistic about what I want to sell, what just sucks, and what I want to keep for myself. Hard for me to complete. When I made all this stuff - I wasn't thinking about selling it.
Hope to accomplish more on the site tomorrow with cord. Goodnight, and rest up. Recharge. You will come back.

dear dear cord

dear cord,
It's so much fun to have this chance to work with you. I feel so blessed to have you as a friend. Over ALL these years, you have brought me so much laughter and happiness. And whenever something important happens - you have ALWAYS been there to share it with me. You understand me - and the things that I need.
When I started to think about selling my artwork, I immediatly thought of you. I knew you would be enormously helpful, but even more importantly -- supportive. To cheer me on, and encourage me.
Here's to our WONDERFUL friendship and bond, and to all the exciting and fun times that lie ahead. For branddave, and for us! I love you to absolute pieces! -poopie boy