weird gloomy thoughtful thursday.

re-discovered Sarah McLachlan / Fumbling Towards Ecstasy on spotify.  So great, stirring up so many vivid memories of coming out, Joe, Rockville, Bsur in chevy chase, driving Mo to the airport, my blue honda, and all the angst and ecstasy that surrounded it all.  Music can be as powerful as smell in conjuring up long forgotten memories.

Anyway, loving reliving it all, and thinking about where I was and what I was doing.

This is such a time of transition for Hex and I and branddave and remi and everything.  Sifting through all of our stuff and deciding what is really important:  photos, magazines, receipts, letters, Bruce Weber collections, drawings, books, cd's ( m e m o r i e s )

I'm re-inventing my workdays and life, away from the Corcoran just as I did 5 years ago, away from bsur and into the unknown.

New patterns and traditions and ways of doing things, and being.  New paths for Remi and I.  Lots to think about with Ms Remi as she slows down.  She is becoming old.  Not frail yet, but I feel it -- and memories of all I went through with precious Butter.  It's painful to think about, but it's right if front of me everyday.  She is so precious to us.  I wish she could live forever.

I just remember Joe coming to bsur.  Walking up the stairs and seeing him there in the hallway.  Everything changed.  It was this enormous turning point - and I had no idea at the time.

So exciting and interesting to think about.  How we move through life, changing very very subtly each day, but then suddenly everything feels and is sooooo different.  I think of Hexy as a new development, but it's been 7 years!  It's been 6 years since leaving bsur!  Remi is 12!  I came out 24 years ago!!!  crazy!!

This music really brings me back.