More sad days, and a lot of not so bad days.

Sue continues to dominate my thoughts, but less so the past few days.  Gearing up for her memorial, and have no idea what I am going to say, besides all the cliche stuff.  Thought today about David Saderis, and how he would have a beautiful story to tell.  I wish I could write something like that.  Funny and sad and sentimental.

Went through some of her journals on Sunday.  They were a jumble of thoughts and drawings.  Lists and poems and odes to her dogs.  Many I think written on drunken summer nights out in Poolesville.  So creative and sweet and sad and funny.  I shared a book with Jimmy, and was surprised to see her read it for a long while.  I wouldn't think she would understand her writing, or her logic.  She commented how sad Sue seemed in the books.  She really did.

So grateful to reach Casey on FB.  My greatest hope and achievement after Sue died.  Every time I think about their relationship I get chocked up.  Sue was so regretful.  Whatever happened between them was toxic at the end, and Casey never gave Sue a chance to make it right.  Something that she never got over, I know.  Just making peace with her, in my small way, makes me feel like Ive fulfilled some sort of dieing wish.  She loved her so much.