Lots of feels today about my work and direction and frustrations and discouragements.

Started at ROOST, where sure enough, they DIDNT need any artwork or cards afterall.  Spent most of the last few days preparing new prints and trying to get them out the door and brought to Roost, which is on the other side of the planet and has early hours.  

99% of my brain was non-functioning - I should have known this was all wrong when I got the email request for more prints  I was just there with Hex weeks ago PICKING UP prints that had languished there since December at least.  

 Nothing seems to sell there, nothing at all.  I'm not sure it's a functioning store, more like lobby decor.  Anyway, I show up, and the display is essentially exactly as I left it weeks ago, nothing touched, and lots of cards as well.

I had a mini breakdown, then went to work packing most old ones up, and putting out the new ones I  just brought.  Worked out ok, but considering the hours of thought I put into it all, its a complete waste of my time and energy this week.  Not a good feeling.

 

Went to WHARF afterwards, and similar angst.  Except there they needed more prints.   I dropped what I had, and took the duds too, but afterwards was kicking myself for not staying longer and working on the display more.  SO ANGSTY about how they are putting my stuff with pet products.  Just a bummer.

ANYWAY, all this led to an existential crisis on my drive home.  WHAT THE F AM I DOING ? ? ? ? So incredible frustrated with myself, my lack of direction, and most important my lack of I N C O M E.  Reliable income.  I can't seem to find or look or figure out what will earn me money.  I'm spending all this time (and money) making these prints for shopmade and the sales trickle.  It's just not viable.  And IG and website as well.  Its just not working (anymore).

I'm really confused and discouraged.

Came home, picked up emma, showered, and pulled my brain together, to more positive territory.  Yet these feeling have plagued me all year.  I can't find answers.  Or I'm not capable of looking for them.  I don't want to.  I just want to peter along, but at some point, I'm going to drown.