Upset is around every corner. people on the streets smiling, guys wearing shoes into the steamroom, Fing Dan not following up on my email, Emma eating something on the street. 

I'm primed to lash out and scream at somebody.  

I have so much poison and angst that's bottled up inside.  hopefully it can find a safe vent before I explode on the wrong person (or pet).  Sour Dave Season.

 Still feeling like crap days later - and just as lost as ever.  I have ongoing arguments with imaginary people about how fucked we are, trying to understand why and how this happened.  I just can't square it in my head.  I come up with all sorts of doomsday predictions as if I know anything.  Or knew anything.  

I thought I was informed, keeping up with the news.  It was all a mirage.  A storyline that turned out to be complete fiction.  Others are in charge, the crazy ones, and the sane ones really have no idea.  Theres is the new reality and truth.  Real truth is gone. (how will AI play into this?)

I continue my media blackout, and it forces me to face how completely addicted I was to twitter etc.  The constant updating of the trials and then the election fed me, and distracted me from work and my own anxieties.  I just subverted those.  It will be an impossible hill to climb, but I have to try.  Im 2 days sober.

Emma sick to her stomach (because I fed her apple core / seeds)?  maybe.  Another dominate worry, but hopefully we got thru it today.  Fingers crossed.

Horrified, dumbfounded, angry, shocked, scared, sad, worried, exhausted - - Harris lost the election.  

I cannot believe it, and life will never be the same.  The country has destroyed itself.  It's just a matter of time.  

Where Hex and I will be 4 years from now - all unknowable of course.  This will change everything.  Work, friendships, family, everything.  Right now I'm just doing my best to keep my head and body healthy, and let time work it's magic, and help me absorb the shock.

It's a new reality, again.

 Dear Dave,

IT's been almost a year since I last wrote - when we got Echo.  Blogging just became a drag as all I ever did was complain about what was happening.  Sad to say I'm in the same spot, so frustrated today (my 16th anniversary) with my lack of creativity, motivation, and interest in doing anything about it.  I guess this post is a first step?

August always sucks, people leave, and I feel so abandoned.  It went by quick this year, I got some stuff done, but very distracted by outside things - the car, the heat, the broken AC at the apartment, and most recently, Emma's surgery to remove her side lump.  Awaiting news on the biopsy, and it's scary.

Working for Cher one day a week since I think march, and that has been a nice way to get out of the studio.  Ups and downs but for the most part a positive experience.  

So much upset at the studio trying to resolve the black hole of the certificate of occupancy, something I neglected for 10 years, and it finally caught up to me.  Revisited in August, thinking I was resolving it, but it only got worse, and now I'm terrified by it, and next steps which are ghastly, and most likely very expensive.

Puttering along with shopmade, but I do a crappy job of it all around.  Such a delayed $$ response, and It's so hard a gauge what to do.  I'm constantly second guessing every penny I spend, and worrying it won't come back to me.  Lately, I've had some good months, but I put all my eggs in this basket.  Lost Pixies which is really sad.  A nice and easy way to make new things and sell them right away.  Website has been the same.  Commissions way down.  I've neglected everything.

 

I don't work hardly enough daily, and this is all the result.  Poor sales, lack of motivation, and anti inspiration.  I have to turn things around, or . . . 

 

I'm always terrified of the . . .