Andrew Smith by Bruce Weber

 

Some success today, so that is good.  Worked out xxxx with xxxx which takes a load off my shoulders for another year.  It's always on my mind starting in January.  Crazy.  Put the whole thing off, then got a taste of my own medicine as I tried to wrap it up.  Anyway, glad about that.

Got notice that Echo is up for her vaccines, which makes me reminisce about those days looking for the mini cooper, getting her, and all that fun and excitement.

 

Finished up the two prints I was so angsty about yesterday, and they came out well.  Almost better than the one I made earlier that they are meant to compliment.  But I can't remake that.  Anyway, glad they are finished.  Put the work in to make them special.  Hope they are enjoyed!  

Not much more to report.  Working on new general prints.  Need to turn to cards, but I've been stalling on that.  Postcard is already finished for August, so that's off the list.

August blues ahead.  

It's so dead outside, between the heat and rain and vacation time.  I hate this feeling. But I have to just enjoy it, because its so specific, and so fleeting.  And I KNOW I'll be sad when September comes, and summer is suddenly over. 

 

more

more

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same 

same

 

summertime blues in full effect as emails and everything basically dry up.  Waiting to hear from XXX about XXXX and its making me super anxious.

Coming into studio and going into slow gear as I print, clean screens, and prepare new ones.  Trying to get through this commission series, and to say I've slow-rolled it would be a huge understatement.  Each piece is a long slog.  Now at the end of the day, when I SHOULD have 2 completed prints, I have one barely started.  And I feel guilty about it.

Super hot, so taking out dogs is miserable.  But staying inside all day is miserable too.  I went on a safeway run just to escape.

Found two things today: a half dead plant, and an air tag.  Took the plant in after some hemming and hawing.  Stripped the dead leaves.  Maybe it will revive?

Took the airtag apart after some googling, heard some beeps, and managed to synch it to my phone.  All systems were go, thought I was on my way, until the last step, when it told me it was already locked (so, useless).  Haha, I was totally tricked into thinking I had myself a new airtag. 

 

I saw the most interesting youtube video this morning titled why creative success destroys people.  It was so fascinating and made me see success in such a different way, and creative people too.  Really great.

 

Glad to have gotten my super old mac erased finally and on Sunday hex and I took it to the apple store (Carnegie - wow such a nice store).  Made me sad to think about how it had become worthless, when it was such a part of early branddave, and I was so excited to buy it.  All these years later it's just a nuisance, in my way, and junk.  

 Ugh - that is how I tend to think about e v e r y t h i n g lately.  Once prized, now trashed. 

Well, it had to be done, I have my "new" 2017 one now and keep thinking about what's next.  Really for no good reason, this one is working great, and the next leap forward really gets me less for a lot more $$ (I have to buy in parts now if I want a big screen).  I don't know why I've been so high on getting a new mac lately.  The itch just keeps coming up.  BUT IT'S STUPID -- THIS COMPUTER IS PERFECTLY FINE.  I just need to bite the bullet and update the OS a few steps.

Terrible foot pain over the weekend and I can't help but think it's the crocs, and walking long distances in them.  Has to be.  So back to my uncomfortable shoes, and I think it's made a difference.  Hard to say, but at least my feet are not in tremendous pain.

 

Back to super hot, swampy weather.  My week ahead is scary open.  No Cheryl (on vacay), and no tormenting commission projects to worry about.  Emails were sent, taxes filed.  Ugh, just have to worry about the end of the month, and all the $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ going out on the 1st again.

Today I got some new stickers ordered (finally).  Think it's a fun group.  Man, stickers are profitable.  I need to make more.

Match sales slowed way down, boo.  Show ends August 10 

FB marketplace a bust for this table lamp.  So strange, the way things get attention, but no interest. 

 

 

 

Ugh days go by.

 

Not much creative progress.  Slow rolling prints for G town, and other projects.

Wish I could do better.  It's always at the end of the day that I feel crappy.  I want to go back and do it all over again. 

Progress:

VA car transponder

Marketplace lamp

reorder mis shipped tee

postcard club mailed

prints curated and packed for gtown

stickers started

 

Yikes - completely exhausted, wiped out, running on empty.  The heat?

Early went to Wharf, then home and studio.  Not an especially busy day, I just think it's mental, and frustration over not finishing prints for Gown.  Got some new matches up to DCAC.

 

ugh, tomorrow is another day. 

 Long slog of a day turned into a long slog of a week.  Haha, not going to Cher's changes things.  Last week I was so pressed.  This week I'm back to a big time spread.

Finished up shirts for Wharf, but punked out of the delivery.  Its just so damn fucking H O T !!  So I decided to do it tomorrow morning.

 

I was also walking up to post office + DCAC in sort of combo trip, new matches and hoody package in hand.  Then I spotted a postal truck right out the door, dropped the hoodie with him, and indecisively proceeded to walk up to DCAC.  Got a half block and turned around, deciding to make more matches and potentially go tomorrow?  Haha, the heat got to me!  The cursed heat!! 

AC pumping all day and I just want it to stop!!

Fun moment running into a group of ladies who lived in the studio back in early 2000's.  They were so chipper and it put me in a nice mood.

Extra:  sold the 2 desks, and a bathroom caddy.  YAY. Painful kind-of -- with all the back and forth.  People are nutty! 

 

More HOT days.  Sitting in the AC all day is nice, but I hate it at the same time.  But I'm so GRATEFUL I have it.  But it's also this strange white noise that gets tiring.

Massage yesterday, so body feels looser.  Finished up a lot of loose ends, and got good reports from SM.  Today I finally got to the hoodie, and tees for Wharf, and some more prints on paper.  Printing a lot.

Matches selling, which is so funny and great. 32 so far.  When I contemplate sitting down and making more, I'm uninspired to do it. But I should.  Creative energy just comes and goes.  Not coming so much.

Leaving for the night on a Wednesday.  A lot to do as always.

ps - get so distracted, my FB marketplace.  One thing will sell easily, and then I get all high on that, and the others just stall and turn into the giant pile of crappy distraction and frustration.  so dumb 

 

Ugh these Facebook marketplace people make me crazy!  I guess it's understandable a severe storm would fuck up schedules, but its still "kind" to at lease let me know your new plans instead of just nothing?

We have had this shitty pattern of extreme heat in the day, and terrible rain in the evening.  Messes up my dog schedule!  It's 7:30 and I still need to walk them.  But waiting on pickups that don't seem to be happening after all.

Days continue to be weird, with a lot to do, time going by fast, and just working through things too slow, with breaks.  Frustrating and limiting.

 

Good news, I was accepted in to Art on Ave after all.  That feels like a lifeline into the future.  A very uncertain future!

Finished up cards, and they turned out to be a mountain of work with all the drawing, then designing, then printing and assembling.  Having multiples to do took the wind out of my sail.  I think they will be received well - I hope so!!  They are the best I could do with what I have.  Haha, I guess I'm saying I'm not really sure about them.  Will be so happy to have it all off my plate so I can move forward on other things.  This project has lingered too long!

 

 

 

 

Tired and running on empty after a few busy days and deadline pressure.  Had that moment where 3-4 things had to be accomplished at the same time, and my head started to explode.  Most got pushed aside as I concentrated on making matchbooks for wall mountables, and prints for GTown.

Matches were really fun.  I got 600 in on Wednesday, and just started making them stream of consciousness style.  Got to 50, then added about 25 on Friday.  Thursday I had the 5:30 install deadline, and had no idea what I was going to do / how I could present them.  Worked it out over a few hours, finally settling on an old box, and a simple frame to hang, 

When I got there, it took me about 10 minutes (great planning, dave!!).  Left it empty, and a place for my printed sign, and left.  Got. A great spot.

Washed out on Friday midday, feeling so run down and crappy.  Only got about 1/3 of the prints made I had planned, and drove out to gtown feeling defeated.  Got the sign printed, and walked up to DCAC at around 7 to dump matches and split!  ((Amazed that my little blurry venmo pattern that I printed on the wood worked))

Left feeling super defeated.  Thought nobody would be interested, and just completely exhausted after the days.  But then Venmo payments started coming in, and my mood swung right around!

 

That meant people were in fact enjoying them, looking through them, just as I had intended.

 

Anyway, that brings me to today.  In unhappily, to catch up on the card project that I started and put off mid week to work on matches.  UGH. Another long slog of design uncertainty.  After hours of work I think I cracked the design code, but now still have a lot ahead assembling the parts for (3) cards. 

And there is a mountain of other stuff too, all put off and waiting.  Saturday night at 7:26.   Leaving for now, and not planning to work tomorrow.

 

U G H 

 

Lots of blog and journal reading past few days.  Last days of college and first summer home, avoiding looking for a job and hanging out with church friends.  Amazing how similar the feelings have been throughout the years.  Different circumstances, but I find myself in all the same patterns and frustrations.  Mind opening and sad at the same time.

Wish I had more of a record beyond that.  Capital Presentations, meeting back up with cord, and starting up at BSUR.  I don't think I did much journaling in that period, and really regret it.  Maybe it was too transformative, and I was busy living it.  Hmmm.

Anyway, lots of anxiety returning to the studio this morning after a long weekend.  I was here working some Saturday, but it's hard getting back into the swing, and facing stuff I knew I wasn't looking forward to facing, and had the holiday+weekend as a shield.

Made some progress today.  That is to be expected.  Glad about where I am, I guess.  BIG week ahead, and tomorrow is Cher again, so all will be on hold. Haha, classic.

Joined up with Wall mountables / dcac saturday, then mind went into overdrive.  CLASSIC!! Determined NOT to do it, let the time get critical, get FOMO, and sign up last minute, where I have NO TIME to do something well, get super ambitious, and set myself up for failure because really, I should have given myself more fucking time.

Matches ordered.  Crazy classic.  We'll see how it shakes out. 

Strange days continue !!!

Are there no consequences after all?  I'm asking existentially and personally :

The world (govt) is so fucked up.  The courts, congress, the DOJ, etc.  How will this all not tumble down??  It's just so strange.  We bomb a country, and it's just "whatever".  It's so incredibly bizarre and hard to absorb and make sense of.

Same with me.  I waste time, I don't do my to-do list, I stall, and make excuses.  But it never really takes on meaning or consequence, and yet it's my SOLE focus (and fear) to be honest.  What I am doing will crush me, destroy me.  But it won't, it doesn't.  (Thank God my "self-destructive" is not so destructive like: drugs, gambling, addiction, affairs, embezzlement, haha etc.)   

- - - -

Worked on no park print, and Remy micro.  Remy micro keeps getting messed up with the white layer, so maybe, hopefully, a night of drying will improve the situation.  Fingers crossed!  

Got a request for more prints from G-Town.  Always nice!  But sent me on a spiral of "Let's drop everything I'm doing and work on that"  That can't/shouldn't happen.  Ugh - major project stalled... I keep wanting to put it off!!

Anyway, sold cart!  And shoe rack! So that's nice.  More crap out the door.  Next up:backpack and folding desk! 

 

Another new month.  They come up so fast, and give me so much angst (rent rent rent rent rent).

Worked with Cher yesterday, so its like Monday here at the studio.  

Nice day overall, Hex was here earlier fiddling around with the plants.  I had planned to print the new version of All Work, but then immediately had thoughts to refer back to the photos, because something looked off in my drawing.  Of course that led to me wanting to revise it, so printing ground to a halt.  

I like the updated version (after several updates).  Need to just go with this.  So new screens - ugh.

Need to deep clean my screens, and that is such a project.  Putting it off. 

Lots of rain today. SUPER hot before the rain, so a nice relief.

 

Paused the gym (again) so more blogging I bet.  I'll be back there in September.