Another Friday deep in August and boy is it typical!  Burnt out on summer, anxious about Fall, weirded out by "vacation city" and thinking I should be vacationing myself (but never ever am),  But actually the city is really empty.  People are here.
 

Everything is strange of course, living in the MAGA nightmare.  I float on the surface and ignore everything new related.  But it seeps in the psyche nonetheless.  TV sort of dead.  Favorite podcasts are on break.  Stuck inside and sick of AC.
 

But everything not that bad.  I have enormous freedom everytday to do what I want.  Lately I have had 2 mornings, early up with Lemon and breakfast with Hex.  Then Coffe, then home by myself to decompress and shower and push myself out the door.  It's alot of logistics packing dogs up and getting them out, into the car, throught the fucking garage reno maze, parked, and back into the studio.  Its a whole thing!
 

Anyway, I have been on this mad dash to keep SM stocked and its been fucking exhausting!  GT has just driven me nuts with constant worry over depleating inventory and my inability to turn in over and get it there in an efficiant and timely way.  Its all crazed and haphazzard and impossible.
 
This week my cards came in much earlier, which triggered a mad dash to get them out.   
Now working on 11 x 14 prints to get printed.  WOW, my new method is amazing.  Just amazing. 

 Ugh, Google makes me wary requiring "enabled cookies" in order to uplaod photos to the blog going forward.

 

Bullshit!

Anyway [INSERT OLD PICTURE OF MY DAD HERE]

Wondering why I have been so anxious/melecholy the past few days, and went back to the blog to see and confirm that four years ago today my Dad passed away.  Ahhh, my mood now makes sense. 

- - - 

So down on myself past few days, struggling to get new cards finalized and ordered.  Monday & tues started on such a hugh note, having so much fun drawing and coming up with ideas.  Excitement and confidence builds like a snowball, and suddenly I have all these ideas and not enought time to do them all.  THEN I start getting a little sloppy/and lazy and I use same captions / old drawings to fill in so I can complete my design thought, get it on paper.

THEN I have all these half-baked ideas with repuposed drawings and similar captions and they all just kind of mash together, so I have to edit it all down.  That is where the self doubt creeps in, and I realize I have got a lot of nothing, or when I edit it down, its not that exciting anymore.  

OR, by this time I have looked at it a lot and worked on it alot so it's no long new and fresh, but stale and so so. I let some time go by hoping I will have a new perspective, but all that does is waste days that I dont have, and the order just gets later and later.

The whole purpose was to have NEW fun refreshed designs, and I have ended up with just a few that I like, and will they sell anyway?? Are they better than what I intend to replace them with??  Doubt Doubt Doubt seeps in, the week is over, my plan to get the order in fast is smashed, and its just all fucked up now.

So I turn on myself.