dear dave,

mixed week. I'd love to feel accomplished, but I feel kind of blah. although things are really good. go figure.

Summer feels like it's officially started.

My window air conditioner is installed at my studio, and my blinds are drawn. I kind of feel cut-off when it's set up like this. Door closed too.

People have left the city for better places to be. I kind of feel left behind, while still content to be home with Hexy. I remember trekking to Rehobeth years ago, by myself with Remi. Staying in the strange group house. The dog at the bottom of the stairs that would attack Remi. The empty pool area. Hiding out in my room. Searching for poodle beach. Being alone! I felt so awkward and out of place. Such an outsider. So happy those days are OVER!

Shot with Geran was really fun yesterday. My photographic confidence is waning though. I don't feel so inspired anymore. Or I don't have the skills to do what I want. Or the right model. Or the right shirt. I don't know. After shooting this week I feel unsettled. But Geran was awesome, and I really want to work with him again.

I loved spending time with Renato. He is an all around awesome guy. So positive and fun and cool. Reminds me of my best camp counselors, or Ron from Italy. I didn't put enough effort into our shoot though, so I didn't get much out of it. Wah wah. I feel like there are these awesome possibilities with him, but I don't push myself enough. Im too shy. Or too willing to just be passive.

I think thats what is bugging me with these shoots and models and me (lately). I have ideas, inspirations, but when it comes time to follow through, I clam up, and let things go. I fall into my default positions. I don't push myself. And I don't give much direction. I don't know! I'm rambling.

Then I tell myself: what is this all for anyway? And I think: just shoot the shirts, and be done with it. Work on shirts / prints. Things I can sell. Don't go off in some artistic tangent that will just sit parked on your website in some corner, then removed months later.

Oh the angst!1 The artistic angst!!

I need to eat lunch, and move on!


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UPDATE

wow - things really turned around today, unexpectedly. I have Dave K setup for Sunday, Eric on Thursday. Had a wonderful studio visit from Marta, got a terrific report from Caramel, and a bunch of new shirt orders. FABU!