Dear Dave,

Back to work after a fun long weekend. Hitting the Corcoran today to work on Hugo some more. That will be priority number one, then show stuff. Studio Holiday Show coming up this weekend, so its full steam ahead.

ALSO, Hex's b-day is Friday, and we are mid-production on all our ornaments. We are getting a lot of requests for something besides the snowmen, so we will need to figure that out pretty quick.

BRANDDAVE has been on my mind so much. What my next steps are. Obviously I need to do more shows, and get more exposure. Now that Christmas is here, it feels like that will be on hold. But spring will be here soon.

I keep telling myself: things will work out. But I need to make more of a plan to make that happen. I need to earn my freedom again. I feel slack.

ps - took Remi to Rock Creek Sunday. She almost slipped of this ledge (above) as we walked up to it. It's MUCH higher then it looks in the picture. I almost had a heart attack.

dear Dave,

Working on the day after a holiday is always weird. But ok.

Shot pictures this morning of the happy dog hoodie. Like the hoodie, but the pictures turned out just so so.

Working on the site some more. Studio show coming up next week. And Hex's bday. Lots to do. But of course its Friday, Thanksgiving was yesterday, and I' lacking motivation. What I really need is coffee, which is skipped this morning. Never a good idea.

Its late, Thanksgiving is tomorrow, and I'm still at the studio stalling.

Strange.

I'm not sure what is keeping me here, unsettled. Something about Thanksgiving that is unnerving. I don't feel prepared. Or maybe I just like the buildup more then the actual day. It will be full speed ahead to Christmas. I want to put on the brakes.

Made a fun hoodie to shoot Friday with Dave. And a thermal.

Its rough going. I'm too much in my head. The complete opposite from last year. Then everything was AHEAD. The whole year. I was just coming off working for Be As You Are, and excited about the future. I'm STILL excited, but much more anxious now. I know more what to expect.

Now I'm back in mindset of what will sell (?), and obviously, that is less free. It's full circle, but BETTER.

I'm Thankful for that.

dear dave,

Worked on Hugo (above), but thinking it may be a rough draft print. I think I can make the parts come together a little better. I need to make some adjustments. LOVED having the entire print studio to myself yesterday.

Corcoran closed today, so I'm going to draw in the studio, prepare hoodie for Friday shoot, and continue to spiff up the website. Ive been looking at other shirt sites and blogs, trying to figure out ways I can improve and market. I get excited thinking about things to do, but then fizzle a bit after I think about them too much. Best to be in the moment, and not over analyze things too much.

My poor FREEHAND blog. I have let it die on the vine. I keep planning to fold it into my portfolio on the site, but never get there.

When I was working on it last November I was so into it. It was a great outlet and format for daily updates. Then I started working on the site, and things just fizzled. I want to get back to that daily output. I miss it. It's such a good way to stay creative and productive.

Crazy / Hysterical. That's the only way I can describe it!

I was at the Corcoran preparing my screen positives, and left for a minute to talk on the phone. Manuel walked by. I try to stay away from him, because he doesn't have much awareness at all about what is going on around him, and usually its at my expense. One time he erased an entire blog post I was working on, after first reading it aloud over my shoulder in the computer lab.

I came back in to continue working, but EVERYTHING I had been working on had vanished. No Manuel, no woman standing nearby, and no positives. Only an unhelpful, clueless girl with earphones, who chose to ignore me.

I looked in all the trash cans, under cabinets, in drawers. Nothing. I was screwed for the day, because I didn't have any other copies to work with. And I knew he HAD to somehow be involved.

A few hours later, Manuel returned, and I asked him about it. We quickly figured out that he had swept up the pages with his large portfolio, and they got stuffed back under his stuff in his drawer below the table where I was working.

"I'm so sorry!", he said.

I rushed out of there for the day, afraid something more horrible would happen to me or my stuff with him around.

Dear Dave,

THWARTED! Going to the DMV is always a cursed experience. I went this morning to try and get my registration renewed, but they are closed mondays. Second wasted trip. I will eventually get this done.

Another up and down weekend. Saturday was sort of productive at the Corcoran, but slow. I'm working on Hugo, which is a more complicated print then I've been doing lately. I need to be very careful with it for it to come out well. Going back today to continue -- hopefully I can finish.

Dinner out Saturday was a bust! General Tao's Chicken was not all that it was cracked up to be. I still shudder thinking about the sweetness. Yikes!

Hex and I started our pies, and snowmen. That's good!

dear dave,

got this email over the weekend:

"20 bucks for a shirt with a retarded graphic? Are you serious? I'd take it if it were 12, but 20?? People try to make business with anything these days..."

What a nice guy. Thanks Frankie Martinez for taking time out of your day to let me know your feelings.

Jack - one version

dear dave,

fun day so far, shooting new shirts, changing up website, and posting on facebook. Quick shoot with Dave. For some reason he has grown out of the medium shirts, which is weird. It's almost like he is in between sizes now. Frustrating for me, because I make stuff to shoot, and it doesn't fit well. It should! he looks good in everything though.

Short week next week. I need to plan for next Friday NOW (hoodies and thermals)

Planned to get to Corcoran, but time just flies by. Its already 3:17. UGH!

Tire fixed, so I can go on my merry way. Into the future. What will it bring?

Ive been so pessimistic lately, but not today at all. What drags me down, and why can't I just let it go?! I wish I knew the answers, because I sure feel good now.

ps - Im always so curious about my facebook fans. Watching the numbers is really addictive. What makes people fan me, and even more curious, unfan me? I guess some people don't like their feeds cluttered with pictures of t-shirts and random stuff about what I'm doing that day.

dear Dave
taking metro to studio, because of the nail that gave me a flat tire last night. sucks. 2nd nail in 3 months. That was an expensive Chipotle!

Probably won't make TD's opening later, but not ruling it out completely. I'm thinking it would be good to try and go.

Walking to the station, I started to fret that my prints are going in a country kitsch rustic direction. I don't want that. I need to watch this, because it's really not the way I want them to be. Maybe it's time to lay low on the dogs for a bit.

Big plan changes today. I was going to get wood and thermals this morning - but that has to be nixed.

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(at studio now)

Good session at the corcoran yesterday. Short and sweet. Finished Jack and the larger dog. Next print project is WONG NEVER RIGHT.

It Thursday -- time to set up my Friday and Saturday. I consistently mess this up, so I need to stay focused and work this out.

Fingers crossed.

EXCELLENT GLEE last night. I'm loving it - and buying all the music.

dear dave,

working today on odds and ends. Yesterday at the Corcoran I put finishing touches on a few things, and started my Jack print. Going back tonight to finish it up. I painted one version, which I think I like. Interested to see how they turn out.

Starting the new print for Siu also. Good to have something specific to work on. Ive been scattered (again).

Studio show coming up. Need to promote!

Dear Dave,

Late to the studio because I trekked out to Rockville to get some thermals to print on. Didn't really find what I was looking for, so maybe I will just stick to what I have.

Made a pact with myself yesterday that I would definitely go to the Corcoran today, and finish up my prints. Time in the afternoon just seems to dissolve. I keep avoiding printing for some reason. Not such a good thing. Drawing too. Hmmmm.

Loving the Glee soundtrack. Maybe not a meal, but a good snack to hold me over for the next few days.

Thinking HUGO might be drawn, but not sure if it's done done. We'll see.

hugo

dear dave,

Above is a bad iphone shot of the print I worked on Saturday. Going back to the Corcoran today to finish it up, and start JACK.

Ok weekend. Ups and downs. Went for a terrific walk in Great Falls with Remi Sunday which nourished me. Third Sunday in a row, which is really nice. A good time to be alone with my thoughts, and not so distracted. I really really love the woods. And that trail is magical.

Last night Remi threw up a whole bird! She must have eaten it in the woods. Really grosses me out. That's all I have to say about it.

Still feel a bit stuck in my funk. Worked hard on HUGO friday, but I'm still not there. Haven't looked at it today--hopefully I can figure it out soon.

dear Dave,

I put off taking pictures today, thinking it was going to be rainy. Well, it's not so rainy, but probably best to put the shoot off anyway.

Things are going along. Not much to report or write about. Entered a print show, worked on my site, finished Gayles cards, worked on Hugo drawing. Everything is in-between.

Feel pulled in many directions this weekend, and in general. Where to put my energy (?) seems to be the running question. I know I am avoiding things. That is probably what continues to weigh me down. That is where I should put my energy, but I don't.

Dear Dave,

I need (MUST) find some new music to fuel some sort of creative surge I'm desperate for! Pet Shop Boys have been spent long ago. Kanye West played a major part of my holiday season last year. Who can I turn to? I need FUN. I'm considering Robin Thicke, for old time sake. Maybe.

ANOTHER rainy day. Rainy and cold.

Im going to try to pull together my CD for the print show, and continue to work on Hugo. And of course the website.

Everyday I just muddle through, looking for that elusive creative spark. It's like eating when I'm not hungry. Such a drag. But I'm lucky. So super lucky. I need to remember that!

dear Dave,

Coming in today, I decided to get my post office errand out of the the way. Packing tape and pen in my bag, cumbersome box in my left hand, umbrella in my right hand, I trekked the long wet slippery leaf strew sidewalk up the hill to the post office.

Hmmm - the parking lot is empty, how strange.

It took me awhile to finally realize the post office was closed - VETERANS DAY. So I walked back to my car, defeated and kind of frustrated.

Driving to Starbucks, I was listening to stories about solders on the radio, and felt so much shame for being so incredibly out of touch. All the suffering, and bravery, and death. One author was talking about a soldier who lost both legs, most of both arms, and was severely burned. His ears, the tip of his nose, and his eyelids eventually had to be removed. He had to wear self misting goggles to keep his eyes from drying out. It's so gruesome and tragic I can't even stand it.

Thank you veterans for all that you have done. It's really impossible to thank them enough. But keeping them in my thoughts is a good first step.

I seriously love this - underwear shoot featuring morning wood in WAD magazine. BRILLIANT. Maybe I should buy this magazine. I will consider it. I have banned myself from buying any more. I have TONS already. But this might just be too great to pass up.

Sunday Hexy and I were in Ms. Pixies, and they had a huge stack of old-ish WallPaper magazines. Some were from 1998-9, and I quickly gravitated towards them. So cool to see the changes. It was always ahead of it's time, and you seriously would have a hard time seeing that it was 10 years old. There were a few that I was tempted to buy, but I easily managed to talk myself out of it. Some of those Gene Meyer ads though! Classic.

Dear Dave

Above is the sign for the Shaw Dog Park. Funny how it came to be...They asked me to make a logo for fundraiser t-shirts. I suggested they do shirts with funny dog designs instead, partly because I wasn't so into all the back and forth a logo can generate, and thought they had a chance to sell better.

I sent them a few designs, but they couldn't come to a consensus about which ones to use. Then they saw my happy dog shirt, and wanted to use that. I added the text, and they ended up using it as a logo. Full circle.

Anyway - looks good. They designed the sign, and added the color. Glad I could help them out.

saturday today.

Stopped into the studio for a second, then off to the corcoran to print (what?)

I'm constantly lagging behind. Looking forward to getting ahead.

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Fun shoot with Dave & Nana. It's getting cold outside, so I'm not sure how much longer we can be out.
Long sleeves were sort of a bust. I need to go up one size, or drop it all together. We'll see. In the meantime, I;m going to return my mini supply of mediums. Anywhere I can cut financial corners, I will.

dear dave,

waiting for Dave K, thinking about doing a few more shirts to shoot. I have the time (just barely). But I don't have ideas.

Have a wonderful hoodie to put up on the site. Thinking it probably won't fit Dave well since he is so tall, but hoping. We'll see.

Feel scattered. Still. Working more on site. Really happy with my progress yesterday. But must keep pushing on it.

Got some wood, but not sure what I want to print next. A few big projects are finished, so it's always hard to start up the next ones. Where to go now?

I'm all over the place. Hopefully the shoot will go well.

So many hopefullys!

late post today.

weird days.

Not hearing from many people, so I feel like I am on a little island. I'm working on my website, which has been going well. But it's so strange. I make so many changes and adjustments, but rarely hear any feedback about them. It just feels odd. It's getting me down lately. I feel like I have lost momentum.

I see other people get so many comments from their readers and fans. It's all so interactive. I don't what the secret is to that. What makes some people so magnetic? So engaging? I just don't know.
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Working on some long sleeve shirts to shoot tomorrow. Got an AWESOME hoodie, but I'm afraid it will be too small for Dave, considering he is 6' 7". Fingers crossed, but I doubt it.

Dear Dave,

ROUGH night and morning, but I actually feel better! Hope beyond hope that this feeling is here to stay for a bit. I've been feeling so crappy physically and now mentally for too long.

I had a shoot scheduled for this afternoon, but it was postponed. Happy to have the free time to catch up on projects that have been lagging. I actually made a list, and it filled the page. Desperate to be and feel productive. But it's been hard to find the right girls (women) to photograph. Hopefully things will work out with C next week.

Studio is filled with busy people, making things. Nice to have everybody around for a change.

dear dave,

still dragging. Finished this print this afternoon.

Working on finishing PRINT section for site. Then onto the portfolio part. So not happy with my current solution.

I wish I could feel better, but I don't!

worked on printing this today. still needs to get a few more colors until it's done...

Dear Dave

Still feeling pissy about Baked & Wired, and all the drama surrounding that. I want to just blow it all off, and it's resolved, but it still bothers me.

Saturday was another non-printing day. Sunday was spent lazing around the apartment with Hex. He still doesn't feel 100%.

Now it's NOVEMBER, time to rally. I really have been struggling the past few weeks. Dragging. I don't know what is wrong with me. I feel like I'm in a creative funk, and can't fully pull myself out. I've been avoiding dealing with it. Its all just a big vicious cycle, punctuated by gloomy rainy weather, sick dogs, sick boyfriends, recovering mothers, and disappearing sisters. I don't find it hard to feel lousy at all.

I get bursts of positive energy, but it doesn't seem to sustain itself. I guess that is where discipline should kick in.

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Things will change. I just need to focus on staying positive.