dear dave,

Feeling lots of emotions today, paying rents, insurance, depositing checks, and looking at balances.  So much apprehension about the future, and loss of confidence.  I hate it.  I wish I had the swagger I had years ago, feeling extra confident that all will always work out, and that I have plenty of $$ saved, so I didn't need to worry.  I guess COVID has wiped all those feelings away, along with the steady decline of sales each progressive year.  So hard to face facts and make any kind of correction.  I'm always asking myself: what are you going to do?  There is never an answer.  I can't seem to find my way (consistently).

Rough few days with "Rockville" as news hits that "Frederick" is now a no - go, and all the excitement and relief of that is just gone.  Poor Bill and John.  They have done major heavy lifting.  Poor mom and dad, things just decline.  It's incredibly emotionally draining.

Other stuff:

Trekked out to SM Union Market to drop inventory.  Store coming along - was struck by my greeting, and how I was swept into being enthusiastic about my "placement" in the layout.  Ugh  Today I was included in a IG story, and didn't see all the new prints I had worked on, and also saw something I dropped at Roost.  All just "ugh"  I really need to redirect my attention elsewhere and not be frustrated by this stuff (I tell myself)

Today made shirts for Pixies.  All came out well.  Went light on cicadas, hope a good call.  Anxious that they won't sell...