Listening to Bjork late in the day, and feeling unease.  Everything reminds me of something else, and it creates this nostalgia loop.  For some reason the past makes me sad rather than happy.  I think of lost times and lost people, and always think the grass was greener.  Happier, easier, simpler times, when the reality is, they were not.

 

These moments turn into precious little fragile eggs that I need to protect and ruminate over.  Anyway, Bjork brings me to this place.  Printing in the fall at the corcoran.  Late nights and driving home in the dark.

 

Greg visited today, and happily concurred with all the mental struggles 20 and 21 have brought.  Nice to hear him articulate his struggles, and feel like I'm not alone.  It's so hard to put my finger on, What am I feeling.  I mean, it is not uncommon to feel anxiety and fear PRE covid, just read this blog.  But all has been elevated and drawn out, and absorbing.  

Today I put my finger on it better: un safety.  Now we know that things can seriously fuck us up super quickly, and we are powerless.  The sense of well-being has diminished.  My confidence in a smooth future is shaken.  Even though we have suffered little on the outside, there is just this feeling, this shift.  It's mental of course, and it's omnipresent.  What does the future hold?