Upset is around every corner. people on the streets smiling, guys wearing shoes into the steamroom, Fing Dan not following up on my email, Emma eating something on the street. 

I'm primed to lash out and scream at somebody.  

I have so much poison and angst that's bottled up inside.  hopefully it can find a safe vent before I explode on the wrong person (or pet).  Sour Dave Season.

 Still feeling like crap days later - and just as lost as ever.  I have ongoing arguments with imaginary people about how fucked we are, trying to understand why and how this happened.  I just can't square it in my head.  I come up with all sorts of doomsday predictions as if I know anything.  Or knew anything.  

I thought I was informed, keeping up with the news.  It was all a mirage.  A storyline that turned out to be complete fiction.  Others are in charge, the crazy ones, and the sane ones really have no idea.  Theres is the new reality and truth.  Real truth is gone. (how will AI play into this?)

I continue my media blackout, and it forces me to face how completely addicted I was to twitter etc.  The constant updating of the trials and then the election fed me, and distracted me from work and my own anxieties.  I just subverted those.  It will be an impossible hill to climb, but I have to try.  Im 2 days sober.

Emma sick to her stomach (because I fed her apple core / seeds)?  maybe.  Another dominate worry, but hopefully we got thru it today.  Fingers crossed.

Horrified, dumbfounded, angry, shocked, scared, sad, worried, exhausted - - Harris lost the election.  

I cannot believe it, and life will never be the same.  The country has destroyed itself.  It's just a matter of time.  

Where Hex and I will be 4 years from now - all unknowable of course.  This will change everything.  Work, friendships, family, everything.  Right now I'm just doing my best to keep my head and body healthy, and let time work it's magic, and help me absorb the shock.

It's a new reality, again.

 Dear Dave,

IT's been almost a year since I last wrote - when we got Echo.  Blogging just became a drag as all I ever did was complain about what was happening.  Sad to say I'm in the same spot, so frustrated today (my 16th anniversary) with my lack of creativity, motivation, and interest in doing anything about it.  I guess this post is a first step?

August always sucks, people leave, and I feel so abandoned.  It went by quick this year, I got some stuff done, but very distracted by outside things - the car, the heat, the broken AC at the apartment, and most recently, Emma's surgery to remove her side lump.  Awaiting news on the biopsy, and it's scary.

Working for Cher one day a week since I think march, and that has been a nice way to get out of the studio.  Ups and downs but for the most part a positive experience.  

So much upset at the studio trying to resolve the black hole of the certificate of occupancy, something I neglected for 10 years, and it finally caught up to me.  Revisited in August, thinking I was resolving it, but it only got worse, and now I'm terrified by it, and next steps which are ghastly, and most likely very expensive.

Puttering along with shopmade, but I do a crappy job of it all around.  Such a delayed $$ response, and It's so hard a gauge what to do.  I'm constantly second guessing every penny I spend, and worrying it won't come back to me.  Lately, I've had some good months, but I put all my eggs in this basket.  Lost Pixies which is really sad.  A nice and easy way to make new things and sell them right away.  Website has been the same.  Commissions way down.  I've neglected everything.

 

I don't work hardly enough daily, and this is all the result.  Poor sales, lack of motivation, and anti inspiration.  I have to turn things around, or . . . 

 

I'm always terrified of the . . .

 

 ENORMOUS

HUGE

MONUMENTAL

BIG

LARGE

NEWS - WE GOT ECHO, AUGUST 12,203, EXACTLY 6 YEARS AFTER GETTING EMMA.

SHE IS GOLD

I AM SO HAPPY!

SUNDAY ROUGH DAY ABSORBING THE SHOCK OF IT ALL.  HEX AND I WENT OUT TO BELQUEST SATURDAY.  SOMEHOW I GOT TO AGREE TO THAT, BUT HAD NO IDEA WHAT WOULD HAPPEN.  WE SAW FIRST PUPPY, AND SHE WAS AN ABSOLUTE TERROR, JUMPING ALL OVER US AND GENERALLY JUST ACTING CRAZY HYPER.  I THOUGHT TO MYSELF, OH NO, THIS MAY NOT WORK OUT.

SECOND PUPPY CAME OUT, AND BOOOOOOOOM, SHE WAS JUST PERFECT.  NOT JUMPING, CALM AND SWEET.  LOVEY DOVEY.  

I KNEW WHAT I WANTED, BUT DID I REALLY???????  IT WAS AN OVERWHELMING FEELING SITTING THERE WITH HEX, TRYING TO ACCESS HOW HE FELT, AND HOW I FELT.  WAS THIS A GOOD IDEA?  CAN WE REALLY JUST PICK UP A PUPPY AND CHANGE OUR LIVES FOREVER??

I HESITATED FOR A WHILE, AND HEX SEEMED TO WAIVER.  WE ASKED TO SEE ANOTHER OLDER PUPPY, WHO WAS ALSO A NIGHTMARE.

FINALLY, THE GROUND SHIFTED, WE WERE IN HESITANT AGREEMENT, WE BOUGHT HER, LOADED UP IN THE CAR, AND DROVE OFF.

 

THE REST WILL BE HISTORY.  I HAVE WANTED THIS FOR AT LEAST 5 YEARS, AND GOT IT.  I'm SO HAPPY.  It's A NEW PATH, A NEW CHAPTER, ALL THE METAPHORS.  A NEW WAY TO THINK AND LIVE.  I'm READY FOR IT!  I WANT IT.  THE PAST IS PAST. EVERYTHING IS NEW AND POSITIVE AGAIN!!!!!!!!

 

 Productive days

got tees finished from weekend

giclée prints designed and ordered

garden flags (???????) designed and ordered.

Cat commission card drawn, designed, and printed.

car inspected by DC

Accomplished!!  

 

Huge news RE: belquest and echo and saturday.  I bide my time and hold my jaw tight.

trashcan waited!!

 

 Dear Dave,

Dog Days 2023 over!  Saturday we had coffee then went over around 12.  Weather was good, very sunny but not too hot.  Found a spot further towards the old studio, and eventually in the shade, almost across from the Florist. 

Vibe was good, BUT so different from past years.  Not so much neighborhood people, more people coming into town to eat and meet friends and maybe tourists.  I don't know, it's just very different.  Totes were a hit again, although I feel like last year they sold a little better?  

Not so much with tees.  People don't seem interested in looking thru them.  The ones that do specifically came for them.  I don't know, it's just the energy was totally different.  Still had fun, but vibe not the same, in not a good way.

Finished around 4 and were lucky to be able to leave tables at florist.  Mini worked great, lots of room.  I had folded tees in paper bags, which made everything so much easier!.

No cards, but hats.  They sold well, but it's just a crapshoot.  They need to be there in front of people, not a website thing.  Still into the patches, but hesitating about making more.  Not sure if they fit with pixie / shopmade.  Funny how stickers have felt fizzled too.  Probably all in my head, but less energy towards them.

Made the big mistake of going out 12-3 sunday.  Still good weather, but total bust with customers.  People not into shopping at all, Or even stopping.  TOTALLY different then Saturday.  It was kind of weird how dramatic it was.

Oh well, need to learn for next year. 

Love car!  Took emma to great falls sunday.

 

 The Friday before Dog Days 2023! Got shirts and totes and hats and patches and stickers and postcards.

Weather expected to be good!  

 New car has got me a little worried about smushing all this stuff into it for tomorrow.  Hope it works out.  It wouldn't be normal if I wasn't worried about something.  

Less work went into this, which is nice.  BUT - I did spend days printing mediums and totes.  We'll see.  Last year, I felt like I put too much effort into coordinating colors etc.  And the hype for shirts was way low.  And the rough circumstance with Dad.  Bad memories.

 

Anyway, love the new car so far.  So much drama associated with getting it, so glad that has all passed.  LASER focused on next step, and having it up in the air is KILLING ME.  But there is no other alternative.  Just get through the weekend, and go from there, I tell myself.

 

Fingers crossed it goes well.  Sell Dave Sell !!!

 Out of gas after walking emma in the heat!  yikes, it's hot and muggy.  Deep July

City quiet, not much happening.  Emails not coming in, texts lag.  Typical feeling of being out of the loop, and vacation jealousy.  All hyped up over cars and puppies earlier in the week, but that energy has dissipated.  Bummer.

FINALLY, FINALLY got prints to the wharf after days of delays.  Actually thought I could bring some last friday.  Today wednesday and I finally did.  Takes me so long to finish all the details.  ugh.  angst.  Had an ok sales july.  Always need to stay positive with Shop Made.

So that big project is done, and other little nagging ones too.  Got hats today and am anxious to get Hex to try and sew.  Otherwise, the tailor.  This whole thing - WTF?  Another distraction. Hopefully I can sell them all eventually.  More patches on the way.  Great Dave.

My miniscule sales effort went nowhere.  I guess IG DM's are not the way to go.

WOW - so down on everything right not.  Probably best to sign off, cheer up, and call it a day.

 Crazy week full of highs and lows.  Tired and exhausted to perfectly fine and normal.  Struggling with printing, to printing with ease.  IT's all so strange.

Got prints to union market, and flubbed on Wharf.  After the big push wednesday-Thursday, I flubbed.  They just take so much time, I feel like Im running backwards.

Struggles with Emma too, but maybe hopefully better now.

Postcards came in, and they are great, really like,

hat came in, and sewn too high.  ugh, I will get this right.  Patch is big.  Waiting on next one, probably next week or into following.

Shocked to think July half over.  It really speeds by.  Anxious for parking tickets resolve, RCN resolve, some sort of time off, and productive printing!

 

 Ugh day, after ok weekend.  Poor emma kept us on our toes with her stomach.  Seems to be on a good path now.  Fingers crossed.

Sunday was another lie around day.  My jaw and teeth started really bothering me.  Such a drag, and all body interruption.

Working on prints this week, and struggled to make ground today.  All just seems overwhelming.  Im so behind.  Not the best mental day.

In the shower I had the strange sensation of not knowing what reality I was in.  What year.  Reminded me of Diane scene from Twin Peaks.  Such an indelible scene.

Got cards ordered, which was a major accomplishment.  Now home to Hex

 

 Interesting, universe.

Nice things said from Cord and RoRo Johnson, just when I needed it.  A nice boost.

Printed scooter today in new colors, and messed up a bit but muting the yellow.  Thought about taking corrective measures (haha), but probably a lost cause here.  Like it though, a good direction.

Got stuck on July postcard, but think I have resolved.  Always a journey.  haha.

Emma doing better (seems) Great.

Made a list, but completed practically nothing.  trip to g town just gets pushed back endlessly.  Nuts.

THREADS launched  - interested in the future of that, and everything.  So much is unstable.  Want stability!

 Singapore readers - if you are out there /  

 

When I check stats for the blog I see thousands reading from Singapore.  Is this true?  How are you finding this blog?  Google stats tell me nothing, and I have a hard time believing it.

Please email me dave@branddave.com if you can give me any insight.

thank you

 Super incredibly typical 4th of July with one of us sick --- Emma.  I took her to Dumbarton on Sunday, and sure enough she ate something, and is stomach sick.  Poor baby.  Restless nights where she wants to roam the streets, eat grass, and drive us nuts.  Hoping she recovers soon, for all our sakes.

Tried to drive out to Bill and Lees for BBQ, but streets were blocked, so we Metro's instead.  A nice day, and time with them.  I had my classic return home to the dark, cold apt in the middle of a summer afternoon, which is so familiar and comforting.

Ok day today back to work.  Got more cards processed, and prints ordered, screens cleaned.  Issue with SM resolved??  I sure hope so, what a relief.

Goal is to print print print, but I AM SO SLUGGISH.  Long convo with Richelle left me drained (in a good way), so maybe tomorrow will be more printy.  Still need to do drops in GTOWN and Buzz.  Never-ending drops!