dear dave,

yesterday was fun shooting pictures (Matthew & Bucky). It was a little tricky doing it inside though. Probably best to wait for warmer weather- but I still really enjoyed it.

I go into this trance when I'm shooting. It's like I'm not even aware of what I'm doing. I just enjoy it so much. But afterwards I see all the problems I ignored. This time the lighting was the problem. Not so flattering.

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I was editing the pictures, trying to decide what to add to my portfolio. Then I somehow found myself starting this whole other portfolio, because I still feel so conflicted about censoring my own work for the sake of the overall site. I found myself deep into this new idea, and as I got deeper and deeper, I realized I was basically doing the same thing, with the same pictures, and it really didn't add up to anything new or different and exciting.

So I went back to my regular pages, and started down another destructive path, editing those, stripping out all the text. Of course it was dumb, and didn't improve anything. So after I was all done, I spent just as much time adding it all back in.

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I'm so unsettled! I can't find my creative resting place. I'm still going through this identity crisis, and it's feeling ridiculous. I want to decide once and for all what I am, what I'm doing, and do it.


But, But, But -- there are always these f-ing buts!