LATE LATE LATE

was determined to leave studio earlier these days, and here it is 7:30/  ugh

Good day working on cards.  In a groove FINALLY, but probably best to stop soon, because ideas are becoming more duplicative, and lazy.  But happy with the design elements.  fresh and colorful!

Took jimmy for 2nd vax shot this morning.  All went to plan, but it sure was weird being there during the week, going to a new place.  I felt O D D.  Like I didn't belong in Rockville then.  Glad to get the hell out.

Really nice visiting with John for a second.  Have not seen since August!

Funny/ sad thing.  I turned off their heat Sunday without telling them.  It was HOT, and I never thought it would get cold again.  I came in this morning, and they were both cold, and the house was cold!  terrible.

OK > Home now.

 

 Better day mentally.  I never know why.

Woke up to news that J & J vaccine was put on hold, one day before my appt, and one day after Hexy's.  Scrambled to find a new appt this week, and was so excited to find one thru CVS (without much work) for Thursday.  Maybe that's what boosted my mood.

Enjoyed more Morrissey while printing, and worked on new cards more.  Good progress made, although still not ready to make order.  Stuck in the in between of old designs and new.  But that's ok, it's movement forward which I desperately need.  No work on mural drawing, but feeling more positive about it.

Thought maybe I would hear about TEAMWORK, but didnt.  Anxious to get payment for BW poster.  Takes time I guess.

 

 Monday trying to get my shit together.  But it's hit-and-miss.

Cards are S L O W going.  For some reason I just do not want to work on them, so it's this long painful process of work, stop work stop work stop.  Dragging out work that should take me a quarter of the time.  I just don't know what to make, what to print, how much.  I just am muddled.

Walking Emma today I was thinking about the year and time, and how scattered I feel.  I wanted to trace it back to 2016, and not so sure if that is far off.  That election set us off in this crazy nonsensical direction that still seems parallel to reality, and not reality.  Covid and Jan 6 are just part of the crazy.

Something about looping back to the spring when it all started last year has done a major number on my psyche.  Even though vaccine is here, it doesn't feel like the solution we are envisioning.  Its still going to be awhile before we are not crazed over this.  Things just don't feel R I G H T.

It's manageable, but not right.  

Maybe it's just that I'm coming up on some major change event.  It's been awhile now - since we moved apt, studio, got Emma.  Even since Hex and I have been together.  It's easy to measure things based off new beginnings, but I havnt really had one in a while.  

 

I guess 2020 is the new jumping off point.  I don't know.  i don't know anything lately.

 Finally got VAX appt.  Finally.

Of course my initial appt conflicted with Jimmy's, so I had to reschedule.  But that's ok.

Not a great productive day.  Things suck.  But they will get better.

"working" on card designs, and did some quick printing for orders.  Slow going.

photgraphed today

 

F

R

U

S

T

R

A

T

I

O

N

! 

 

 

over not being able to sign up for vaccine.  UGH

ok day, got some drawing done.  Its slow-going, but that is normal, especially in the headspace i'm in lately.

Going home early (7), so that's all for now

 

 Lousy mental day.  

Finished TEAMWORK finally and shipped.  surprised to see it was only $15, but then again, I printed it on super lightweight wood, so it WOULD be only $15.  So in the end, my plan worked beautifully.  Started to use the cling wrap when shipping, which is somehow incredibly satisfying.  Spinning it tightly around the print.  Not so environmental though.

BW poster made it all the way to JAPAN and into the hands of the buyer (ebay).  anxious for the $$ to be released, and all to be complete.  Fingers crossed.

Dropped prints at G-TOWN, and talked quickly with Maddie.  OF course that could have been a much longer convo, but let's circle back to "Lousy mental day"

 

Took emma to Dumbarton as a treat, but the poor baby had to stay on the flexi-leash most the time.  Wish I could trust her more like Remi.  She had fun nonetheless.

Time to switch gears and onto cards / mural.  A tough transition (again, mental day).  lots of anxiety about what I should be doing vs what I need to do vs what Im actually doing.  So much conflict.  I am a mess of conflict.  this spring > not so great.

 Every day, I hope for a window out.

Actually finished TEAMWORK today - - that's about it.  

 

Little mess-ups here and there, but all work out-able.  Of course there has to be mess-ups.

 Will be happy to get it all wrapped up and shipped tomorrow.  Its big, and fragile, so want to make sure it goes carefully.

 Sunny afternoon donut with Hexy and Emma in the circle.  Then a quick trip to the hardware store for wood to finish things up.

Teamwork > wood, primer paint, black printer ink, transparency, wood for framing.

 dear dave,

Another Monday down.  The weekend was sunny and getting warmer, so took it off.  Fun having coffee.  

Lots of cooking and baking for Rockville (Easter).  All busy and sort of obligatory but then at the last minute, just before I was going to leave, Dad thanked me for the coconut cake (his favorite) and it sort of broke my heart - for many reasons.

Fun with Bill and Lee Sunday enjoying the weather and dogs and pancakes.  Nice to be out of DC, under trees, and social.  

Today I mostly finished up what I started Friday night.  The remainder of the shirts for Shop Made, little filler prints for g-town, and cleaned and remade screens to finally once and for all finish TEAMWORK.  This got way too extended, which is so typical.  I changed gears Friday, and that made it feel dragged out.  But the best plan in the end.

Now I have two coated screens and need to decide what's next.  Focused on g-town, but maybe that should change.

NEED TO WORK ON CARDS SO BAD.  it's just gotten so ridiculous, and makes me really anxious thinking about it.  Stuck on the idea of making new designs, but that's putting a three-week roadblock into all progress.  I need to push forward and make a mental break through.

Nothing to post on IG tonight, and that makes me anxious too.  

And no work this past weekend which makes me anxious even more.  Didn't take advantage of the great weather to sell tees.  Somehow I need to figure that out and go for it.  I NEED TO SELL.  Not doing anything is getting me nowhere.

I tell myself

over

and over

 

and over

 

 

and over.

 

 Pretty ok day.

Staying LATE because I squandered the last few hours, and now making up for it.  Determined to end my Friday and week on a positive note.

Made shirts and messed up screens for TEAMWORK completion.  So I switched gears to make some quick prints for g-town shopmade.

Of course that was a deeper project, had to paint boards, and they were not quick to print.  Of course.

So here I am without finishing quick prints, without finishing extra shirts for g town, without starting mural drawing, without finishing TEAMWORK reprint, without clean screens, and without ANY progress on new cards.

 

CLASSIC dave.

 

 Better day than yesterday.  Weather still sucks 9cold and windy) but not as gloomy and no rain.

It's official - signed lease for studio for 3 more years.  Terrifying, but was just as scary 6 years ago.  Time just goes on. I must tell myself that.  

 

THINGS WILL BE OK.  

 

THINGS WILL WORK OUT.

Such a frustrating process getting Longford to work out the lease, since they have a new employee, and turns out all my emails were going into his SPAM.  Of course.

Worked on TEAMWORK, and its coming out well.  Really clean.  Also went over to gtown to drop shirts.  Nice to see my prints depleted, but just more pressure to make more new fun.  Good pressure though.

RENT and INSURANCE and CABLE paid, so that's done.  Always a hurdle.

yappy hour graphics

 

 Day 2 of the resurrection.

Really dreary and dismal day, steady rain and gloom.  Drains the life right out of you.  Worked on some graphics for SHOPMADE then trying to make progress on printing.

My clothes are damp, my head is foggy, and I just want to go home.  But I've resolved to continue on for a few more hours to get the LOGO shirts I'm printing finished.  And to at least start on the teamwork print.  Make some headway.

I'm really putting off card designing.  I don't know what the block is?  To order more?  

 I guess I'm just down on my skills, or I'm muddled on what to do, or who they are for.  A continuing crisis of confidence.  You would think that after all these years doing this, I would have insight.  But I don't, or I don't think I do.  Always questioning what people will like vs what I want to do.  Or what is good?  It's so hard when you are working on your own.  To get direction.  I have people thru the years that have been in that role.  Tom, Amy, Buzz, trohv, Shopmade, Hallmark, etc.  

 I have been through a lot of cycles like this.  I make new cards, think they are great, and they sort of flop.  or kind of flop.  And then I lose confidence.  Why did I like them? Why did I think they would sell?

 It ALWAYS comes down to this > keep trying.  

I don't know...

 

Back from the nowhere

 dear dave!

back, but for how long?  I just don't know.  I miss having a place to put all my shit.  Stuff I'm too self-conscious to post on IG, but stuff I want a record of making.  or doing, or thinking.  So the blog seems like a natural solution.

 

BRANDDAVE > stale!  I have to mix something up, because I am so unmotivated to do what Ive been doing.  I could print anything I want, but for some reason i'm not.  I don't have a place to put it.  Shopmade is great, but it's not inspiring me lately.  Buzz is over.  Trohv long gone.  Artomatic is the past.  So where do I put my art??  My effort?  

 

Lately it's been instagram but writing this here right not I realize THAT IS THE PROBLEM.  It's a black hole.  a digital trashcan where you hope people look, but it just seems more and more like nowhere.  All I do is look at feeds and feel jealous and frustrated that my art doesn't have 10,000 likes like I'm seeing.  

Most of my creative energy the past year or so has been directed towards instagram, and that is the problem!  That is the problem!  It's not real.  It's not something you can touch and feel.  it's just a picture.

 

Break thru?