The blur continues.  I guess I just need to accept that I am in this place, and roll with it.  Weeks go by and I get some stuff done, but I'm really a mess: avoiding bid decisions, stalling on getting supplies, not really promoting myself or my website, and just doing the bare minimum to get by.  Holidays are a big ho-hum.  As always, I look to the future for solutions and not today.  Today, my focus is just to survive and get by.  It's a messy way to be.

Had lots of drawing inspo, only to fizzle with what to do with all of it.  Again, struggling with the end game.  OR, I get overwhelmed because there is so much I could do with it, and I can't decide where to put my energy.  This stupid Art on the Ave delay really fucked everything up.  Put me in this stall pattern, and I'm just waiting to get passed it, and fret constantly ABOUT it. 

My screens are a fucking mess, full of ink.  My ULANO orange is run out.  My screen cleaner is almost out.  My inks are sunning low.  

It's Friday and as always, all I can do is feel bad for what I haven't done, haven't accomplished, and didn't even try to do.  All the wasted time not working.  Late starts, naps, lunch with cher and barb. I'm really anti Dave, and that's the problem/

 Dear Dave,

Today I turn 54, and it's a day of reflection.  Kind of a bummer - I kind of think birthdays usually are.  Like New Year's and Christmas, you have all these expectations built up thru childhood that it should be a certain way, and there is an inevitable let down.

 First year without my parents and I feel the sting, but happily it's not that bad. 

The whole Fall -- august thru now, has been a series of let-downs and misfires.  The memorial service, Labor Day with my infected tooth and emergency root canal(s) and then the build up and cancellation of Art on the Ave.  Of course, I was happy it was rescheduled, but it just left a big emotional hole.

Anyway, I keep trying to right myself, and little effort leads to little reward.  A meeting earlier this week left me a little muddled as well.  Thought it would be one thing (and $) and it was another.  Still could be good.  I ALWAYS NEED TO STAY POSITIVE.  I don't know!

Anyway, a fun weekend planned, so that is good.  And weather is finally better.  Healthy, and Emma and hex too.  Day by day, week by week.  Take it slow.

Happy Birthday Dave !

 

 

Show me forgiveness
 

For having lost faith in myself
 

And let my own interior up
 

To inferior forces
 

The shame is endless
 

But if soon start forgiveness
 

The girl might live
 

Hmmm, hmmm, hmmm
 

Oh-oh ah-ah-ah-ah, ah-ah

____

Bjork

 

 Back on track after some shitty days and weeks.

Printing on paper, which is fun.  I think I'm sick of printing on wood.  Especially for SM because it's so slow and the payoff isn't much.  Anyway, paper is fun.

Really focused on totes for a few weeks.  Had a lot of fun making them for Dog Days, and then Pixies, and now will focus on Arts on the Ave.  Actually thinking ahead a bit.  Hope the weather holds.  Thought they would sell faster at Pixies, kind of disappointed about that.

Slow working on commissions, but made some progress recently that broke the dam, so that is great.

Tooth problems sorted for now.  New dentist monday.  U G H.

Summer winding down

Saw rat at studio just now crawling across deck.  YUCK ! ! ! ! ! !

 Ugh - I write every year about how I hate this time of year.  Everything just stops - news tv blogs email fb IG, calls, texts, just everything.  

Vacation time, and Im always not on vacation.  

 

Leaves me feeling desperate for interaction and movement.  I just feel like a blob.  I want to do NOTHING!  Probably because of the recent events, but made worse by A U G U S T.

Trying to work up energy to print, and I just don't have it.  Ugh.

 Still in fog, and trying to work.  Combo of working all weekend, sad news and shifting gears has got me stuck.  Drawing is the TIPPY TOP priority, yet I keep putting it off.  Classic for sure.

Pixie (happily) wants some totes, so I shifted back to production mode which turned into a slog.  Monday I used the screens for paper prints, then cleaned them thinking I was done done done.  Then got new totes in, and wanted to give her a bunch of the good designs, so went back to making the same screens and printing printing printing.  Ugh, a little sick of printing these.  But they came out great, I got a bunch of designs, and love the branddave logo I print lower back.  So all good.

Weeks / August going fast.  Anxious to get thru weekend.

 

 Tuesday after Dog Days and a momentous event Sunday: dad died.  

After a crazy focused week of making tees and totes, I was so anxious to just get set up, and get these sold!  Everything went well and according to plan saturday.  Coffee at coffee bar in the morning, then we went to studio to get stuff, and then 14th to set up.  Just tees and totes, so all was easy.  Last minute decided to include the old women's tees and sold for $5 ea.

MER and Bill and Lee came by, and had a good day.  Again, vibe is very different from the past.  Lots of walk-bys, and just not the same neighborhood feel. But when people stopped to look, that seemed to attract others to look, and reactions were almost always good.  Totes were a big hit, which was great because we really had no way to display like other years on the fence.  In fact, we did no display, so of course a lot of people would walk by not knowing what we were about.

The $5 tees sold well, and others too, but I would say just ok.  Like people are not so into buying shirts, or because it's on the street, or something.  Just not as appealing.  Maybe because they are not expecting to shop for these things like they are when coming to a festival like Arts on the Ave.

My instinct to concentrate on Mediums worked well.  I don't remember anybody asking about XL. or not much L either.  I was sweating that out last minute.  I do think I got the colors wrong, I could have made them more appealing overall with more pastel colors like lavender and melon on lime.  Colors like that.  Instead I stuck to a more familiar masculine range.  The best part was that they all looked good together, but was really dark when you saw them overall.  I NEED TO SEE THIS AHEAD.

So good day, we wrapped at 4 then I took emma out to Dumbarton and had a GREAT time with her.

Sunday morning when we were at Columbe Bill called with news about Dad.  My initial reaction was to keep our plan for the day, but happily changed course and realized I needed to go see him and acknowledge his condition.  That I would regret not doing that, and it was the right thing to do for him.  So Hex and I drove out, and he was in a sad state, breathing hard and not conscious, or aware of us being there.  Just as we were leaving, John and Luke strolled in, so we went back up with them and left again, for a hot drive back to DC.  

Hex was pressed for time to meet a tenant in VA, so we set back up quickly and he left.  Another day of sales, but was typical Sunday with lighter sales and crowds.  Time went fast, and repeating all the stuff we did Saturday, breaking down.  Took Emma back to Dumbarton.

That night at 5:55pm, dad died.

Dad passed away yesterday 5:55pm

 

 Oh dear Dave, what a time.

Way overdue on the blog.  Do I catch myself up?  

 June was a shitshow.  Hex back from LA, with covid, then I got it, and it just fucking lingered.  Lying around became the norm.  I was so lazy and unmotivated and just sick.  I worked thru some of it, but it was rough.  I would lay on my studio floor and nap.

July became a blur.  Felt much better and just trucked along on all fronts.  I guess mostly on cards and prints and finishing up what I didn't get to in june.  Sales at SM were a great in june, so that gave me peace in july.  and another hallmark extension.  And tees for pixie. 

Here we are in AUGUST, and I resolved to get so much done and prepped for holidays.  WELL, here we are already one week down, and practically all my time went to prep for Dog days this weekend, which I never know about.  

Rain?  Bad designs, wrong colors, wrong sizes?  Ugh, I get so scared that I made a 1000 wrong choices.  Here I am with it all finished, and I want to change everything.

 

Went into the week picking a new color pallet of shirts after bad choices.  Yellow was gross, and purple too.  But was that a bad choice???  I just don't know.  And made a ton of totes - white!  And pink!  I like them, but with people like them?  UGH

Lots of soul-searching today as I tried to finish up and take stock of everything.  Yesterday I went thru old drawings from first months of BSUR, and made me so nostalgic, and then freaked out about how 30!!!! Years have passed, but I'm back to the same headspace and energy.  Making these little jokey drawings and tees, and wondering / hoping if people will like them / buy them.

 At that time, Adam was rocket fuel.  Somebody who loved my work, saw its potential, and PAID ATTENTION.  Constant attention.  I realize now I CRAVE THAT ! ! !  I've had so little feedback for so long.  IG has dried up, and SM feels so removed.  Hallmark too, and storydistrict.  All these sources of feedback are gone.  I feel so isolated and sometimes very lost.

 

Anyway, lots of angst, but probably misplaced.  If history is a guide, tomorrow will be great.  Some misses, but lots of hits.  And hopefully good sales.  

 

FINGERS CROSSED !

 Fraught monday spent worrying about lost packages and spending $$ on supplies that all have become more expensive.  Took Emma to vet with hexy and got SCAMMED out of money for tests she didnt need.  That set the day in motion.

Fighting with ALPHA to find lost shirts that I need for SM, and also frustrated with USPS for lost packages I shipped.  One showed up, which gave em great hope, so maybe all is not lost.

Working on drawing that is due, and made headway, but not as much as I would have liked.

 

 ha - it's such a chore to blog, but I know I'll regret it if I don't.

Worked on printing branches today for Lee, and turned out good.  Made an extra for SM.  SM still confounding me - the latest chapter is Gtown, where they moved again, and I lost my primo selling space (again).  Now emails are not being returned, and I just feel more frustrated.  Ugh,

Happy about the large order from Pixies, and got all to her in a timely way.  Of course!  Amazing how actually being paid for merch rather than the consignment model motivates.  Obviously, so much better.

Thinking a lot about the various clubs I want to do, but I AM SO BOGGED DOWN in how to market things.  IG is such a dead-end with the algorithm.  And I've hit such a wall with the postcard subs.  But I really want to do stickers, and paper prints.  We'll see.

And color totes?  I just need a place to "put" these, and I'll fly.  I just don't know how to successfully market and find customers (who buy).  The eternal problem.

Hot days with AC - always makes me feel a certain kind of way ; )

 

 saturday of memorial day weekend.  Always a weird bubble of nothingness.  No plans, just same old.

Nice weather - coffee in morning with hexy.  Got a lot done yesterday, so felt accomplished going into the weekend.  Friday i got upset with SM and sent an email, but its all pending.  So an upset hangover.

Got Father's Day cards in and happy with them.  And ordered next month's postcards, but am stuck at adding subscribers.

WISH I COULD FIND THE KEY FOR MARKETING ALL!!  Would love to be selling more online.

Ok, back home with emma, after not doing much here at the studio.

 

 Business dramatically slowed this month - feels bad.  Not sure why - SM was ok.

Allergies are killing me - itchy eyes and very blurry vision.  Time to up my prescription.  But of course I stall.

Slow days at the studio, plodding along on lingering projects and trying to start new ones.  All the dark clouds that crept in around February are still there.  Every day is a new chance to make a change.

Poor poor hexy still coughing after week and a half.  Pretty sure its not Covid, but just as miserable

K I L L E D by covid booster taken Wednesday.  Yikes, it really took me out all day and night yesterday.  Feeling better now - THANK GOD.

Finished stuff for Wharf and brought it over.  That was pretty much it for today.

Grateful for

The ability to heal

Hex

Emma