dear dave
always lonely in my thoughts on Thanksgiving Eve. The holiday ahead, and I'm here at the studio, hesitating to leave. Busy days ahead!
Working on site, and getting things ready for hopeful orders. Spent most of the day working on JDI, which very happily is coming together. But takes A LOT of brainpower and energy with all the details.
Turkey tomorrow in Rockville with John and Bill. First year without mom and dad. very sad.
dear dave
the dreaded H put a damper on the weekend, but think its getting better now
anxious about the weekend ahead and arts on the ave. Praying for good weather and good sales.
The whole week will be a countdown, for that, and dental appt wednesday. UGH is all I can say.
Today I tried to set myself up for the week. Freaked out about all the tan and flesh colored shirts I have. What was I thinking? I am never thinking. Now, a month later, it seems all wrong. But not fixable. Of course. All I ever do is second guess myself. I guess that is better than taking orders from some idiot boss. Keep having dreams of being back at bsur. CANNOT believe I have almost been at branddave as long as BSUR. Crazy. I just wait for the next chapter. I'm convinced it is coming.
Tomorrow is midterm elections. Very consequential and terrifying. Just want to disappear.
Another good day. Positive momentum? Worked on chipping away at the totes for Arts on the Ave, and finished Branches micro !!!! It came out great, which made me super happy.
Sorted out holiday cards, and am probably delusional about what I'm going to need. Anyway, I'm thinking a lot less this year will be needed. Time will tell.
Trips out to SM tomorrow, and more totes. Now anxious about getting my screen cleaner, which I put off ordering. Of course
Pretty good day. The buoyant mood from yesterday lasted, which feels like a miracle. We'll see if I can go 3 days now!
Better weather really helps. Printed the gator micro, and struggle over a branches mini, only to figure it out late in the day. Hopefully my new plan works. GOT IN THE EMULSION, which was on schedule. Luckily I went with plan b, because now Blick is saying it will be in stock DEC 1.
Printed a bunch of sailboats, which came out well too! Yay. Spread out all my prints on paper, and really love how they all look together. Wish I could capture in photo, but it's really hard.
Started sorting thru holiday cards and fretting about envelopes and time. RIGHT ON SCHEDULE. I knew I would be behind back in July. But it's all just a mindfuck. I'm fine. It's only Nov 2.
Feelings of well-being come and go. it really is very weird.
New month - maybe that is it. After some shitty weeks and days, today I felt lighter and fresher. A new page and attitude. Maybe because the weather was really great. Sunny and warm. Or maybe because I FINALLY got my screens cleaned. Or made some progress on shitty things. I don't know.
Anyway, things will work out. At least for today, or right now.
upcoming
election - UGH
art on ave - UGH UGH
Thanksgiving - fun
The blur continues. I guess I just need to accept that I am in this place, and roll with it. Weeks go by and I get some stuff done, but I'm really a mess: avoiding bid decisions, stalling on getting supplies, not really promoting myself or my website, and just doing the bare minimum to get by. Holidays are a big ho-hum. As always, I look to the future for solutions and not today. Today, my focus is just to survive and get by. It's a messy way to be.
Had lots of drawing inspo, only to fizzle with what to do with all of it. Again, struggling with the end game. OR, I get overwhelmed because there is so much I could do with it, and I can't decide where to put my energy. This stupid Art on the Ave delay really fucked everything up. Put me in this stall pattern, and I'm just waiting to get passed it, and fret constantly ABOUT it.
My screens are a fucking mess, full of ink. My ULANO orange is run out. My screen cleaner is almost out. My inks are sunning low.
It's Friday and as always, all I can do is feel bad for what I haven't done, haven't accomplished, and didn't even try to do. All the wasted time not working. Late starts, naps, lunch with cher and barb. I'm really anti Dave, and that's the problem/
Dear Dave,
Today I turn 54, and it's a day of reflection. Kind of a bummer - I kind of think birthdays usually are. Like New Year's and Christmas, you have all these expectations built up thru childhood that it should be a certain way, and there is an inevitable let down.
First year without my parents and I feel the sting, but happily it's not that bad.
The whole Fall -- august thru now, has been a series of let-downs and misfires. The memorial service, Labor Day with my infected tooth and emergency root canal(s) and then the build up and cancellation of Art on the Ave. Of course, I was happy it was rescheduled, but it just left a big emotional hole.
Anyway, I keep trying to right myself, and little effort leads to little reward. A meeting earlier this week left me a little muddled as well. Thought it would be one thing (and $) and it was another. Still could be good. I ALWAYS NEED TO STAY POSITIVE. I don't know!
Anyway, a fun weekend planned, so that is good. And weather is finally better. Healthy, and Emma and hex too. Day by day, week by week. Take it slow.
Happy Birthday Dave !
Back on track after some shitty days and weeks.
Printing on paper, which is fun. I think I'm sick of printing on wood. Especially for SM because it's so slow and the payoff isn't much. Anyway, paper is fun.
Really focused on totes for a few weeks. Had a lot of fun making them for Dog Days, and then Pixies, and now will focus on Arts on the Ave. Actually thinking ahead a bit. Hope the weather holds. Thought they would sell faster at Pixies, kind of disappointed about that.
Slow working on commissions, but made some progress recently that broke the dam, so that is great.
Tooth problems sorted for now. New dentist monday. U G H.
Summer winding down
Saw rat at studio just now crawling across deck. YUCK ! ! ! ! ! !
Ugh - I write every year about how I hate this time of year. Everything just stops - news tv blogs email fb IG, calls, texts, just everything.
Vacation time, and Im always not on vacation.
Leaves me feeling desperate for interaction and movement. I just feel like a blob. I want to do NOTHING! Probably because of the recent events, but made worse by A U G U S T.
Trying to work up energy to print, and I just don't have it. Ugh.
Still in fog, and trying to work. Combo of working all weekend, sad news and shifting gears has got me stuck. Drawing is the TIPPY TOP priority, yet I keep putting it off. Classic for sure.
Pixie (happily) wants some totes, so I shifted back to production mode which turned into a slog. Monday I used the screens for paper prints, then cleaned them thinking I was done done done. Then got new totes in, and wanted to give her a bunch of the good designs, so went back to making the same screens and printing printing printing. Ugh, a little sick of printing these. But they came out great, I got a bunch of designs, and love the branddave logo I print lower back. So all good.
Weeks / August going fast. Anxious to get thru weekend.
Tuesday after Dog Days and a momentous event Sunday: dad died.
After a crazy focused week of making tees and totes, I was so anxious to just get set up, and get these sold! Everything went well and according to plan saturday. Coffee at coffee bar in the morning, then we went to studio to get stuff, and then 14th to set up. Just tees and totes, so all was easy. Last minute decided to include the old women's tees and sold for $5 ea.
MER and Bill and Lee came by, and had a good day. Again, vibe is very different from the past. Lots of walk-bys, and just not the same neighborhood feel. But when people stopped to look, that seemed to attract others to look, and reactions were almost always good. Totes were a big hit, which was great because we really had no way to display like other years on the fence. In fact, we did no display, so of course a lot of people would walk by not knowing what we were about.
The $5 tees sold well, and others too, but I would say just ok. Like people are not so into buying shirts, or because it's on the street, or something. Just not as appealing. Maybe because they are not expecting to shop for these things like they are when coming to a festival like Arts on the Ave.
My instinct to concentrate on Mediums worked well. I don't remember anybody asking about XL. or not much L either. I was sweating that out last minute. I do think I got the colors wrong, I could have made them more appealing overall with more pastel colors like lavender and melon on lime. Colors like that. Instead I stuck to a more familiar masculine range. The best part was that they all looked good together, but was really dark when you saw them overall. I NEED TO SEE THIS AHEAD.
So good day, we wrapped at 4 then I took emma out to Dumbarton and had a GREAT time with her.
Sunday morning when we were at Columbe Bill called with news about Dad. My initial reaction was to keep our plan for the day, but happily changed course and realized I needed to go see him and acknowledge his condition. That I would regret not doing that, and it was the right thing to do for him. So Hex and I drove out, and he was in a sad state, breathing hard and not conscious, or aware of us being there. Just as we were leaving, John and Luke strolled in, so we went back up with them and left again, for a hot drive back to DC.
Hex was pressed for time to meet a tenant in VA, so we set back up quickly and he left. Another day of sales, but was typical Sunday with lighter sales and crowds. Time went fast, and repeating all the stuff we did Saturday, breaking down. Took Emma back to Dumbarton.
That night at 5:55pm, dad died.
